


Kept Secret But Not Forgotten

by Jump_ship



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Age Difference, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Lots of Angst, May/December Relationship, Nonbinary Character, Other, Parvati Holcomb/Junlei Tennyson (background), Referenced PTSD, Slow Burn, Torture, lots of fluff, lots of pining, queer romance, some gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 69,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jump_ship/pseuds/Jump_ship
Summary: With time running out and the board bearing down on him, Phineas makes a fateful choice to save one colonist amongst thousands. He had hoped for a useful colleague, a co-conspirator, a tool to carry out his plan. What he got was a scruffy electrical technician with a chip on their shoulder who would change his life forever. Together, the two of them will decide the fate of the colony and in amongst the fear, the violence and the politics, Phineas will discover parts of himself he'd thought long lost to the solitude of life on the run.Welcome to a fic where I work through my inexplicable crush on Phineas Welles. Expect a lot of awkward banter and clueless flirting, everyone but our main characters being aware they're head over heels for each other, and lots of angst and pining. Oh, and a plot, of sorts.
Relationships: Non-Binary Captain/Phineas Welles, The Captain/Phineas Welles
Comments: 60
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1.

The first time Phineas Welles met the person he would come to know as the Captain, they vomited on his boots.

He’d been so intent on ensuring they didn’t roll sideways off the medical gurney and straight onto the floor of his lab, that, when bracing their shoulders with his hands, he hadn’t considered that he was putting himself directly in the splash zone. But the moment they had started heaving bubbly orange bile at his feet, he had resigned himself to it. After all, worse things had happened in this lab.

“That’s it, get it all up. It’s quite normal after extended cryo-sleep.”

Their body had spasmed and shook for a good few minutes whilst Phineas patted them on the back and attempted to reassure them that their vital signs were all perfectly fine and this was just an unfortunate side-effect, until eventually they were groaning and spitting, tears streaming down their face before collapsing onto their back. It wasn’t the prettiest of introductions, but probably to have been expected.

“What the fuck is happening?”

The words rasped from their throat and sent them into another coughing fit. Phineas wrung his hands, suddenly uncertain of the best course of action. Thirty-five long years of solitude had left him unsure how to handle a guest, and a potentially unstable one at that. Hooking up monitors and studying readouts on an unconscious lab specimen had been one thing. Being presented with a very awake, cryo-sick colonist, was quite another.

The colonist in question attempted to struggle upright, their limbs shaking with the effort until Phineas slid a hesitant arm around their back to steady them. Muscle tensed beneath the thick barrier of their space suit.

“Why do I feel numb? Why won’t my fingers work?”

The strange Earther accent was cut through with uncertainty and Phineas did his best to placate it. Too much stress could damage the revival process.

“You’ve been asleep for a very long time,” he explained. “Your body will take some time to adjust but everything should be in working order.”

Well, mostly working. There was that numbness to their left heel . . . possibly some damage to the right earlobe . . . and then, that slight slip of the hand when he’d been checking their brain function . . . Probably best not to mention that, it would do no good to panic them.

“How long?”

Phineas almost startled. He’d been lost in his thoughts and hadn’t noticed the young colonist had turned to him. Deep brown eyes stared back into his own pale grey, unnerving him. There was a sternness to them tinged with fear that made him very glad he had removed all sharp implements before they had awoken. No telling what someone might do in the confusion of being thawed out after so long. Particularly someone with a track record for occasional violence.

“Oh . . . um, seventy years, give or take a few months. It’s really something of a miracle you’re alive. Clearly you’re made of stern stuff, Mx Evenshaw,” he offered, patting them on the shoulder and using the opportunity to shuffle a few inches away from the colonist.

They grimaced. “Jaq.” Only a slight splutter followed the word this time. “My name’s Jaq.”

Phineas knew that already, of course. He’d not had long to make his selection of test subject, what with the board’s lackeys bearing down on him. But since making it back to his lab, he’d spent several hours since perusing their notes in the flight manifest and, whilst Jaq Evenshaw was not the PhD scientist he had been hoping for, what he’d read had not disappointed him.

They had scored well on the aptitude tests, though not quite in the top percentile. Their fitness scores certainly made up for that though and back on Earth, they had been an electrical technician with a string of jobs mostly in the construction industry after their compulsory military service was cut short by a dishonourable discharge. That particular note had caused him to raise a smirk. No corporate bootlicker this one, he had judged, that was refreshing – and useful. He needed a pragmatist who knew their way around a weapon as well as a toolkit. And more than anything, he needed a co-conspirator he could trust.

“And mine is Phineas. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Jaq,” he offered and proffered a hand to them. Jaq frowned at it for a second and shook their head as if to clear something.

“Wait, did you say seventy years?” they asked, finally accepting his hand. Jaq was well built in comparison to the average colonist – probably the superior earth nutrition, Phineas assumed – but their hand still sat snug within his bony fingers. That didn’t stop them gripping him tight enough that for a second, he feared they might break his hand as a look of dawning horror crept across their face.

“That means I’m . . .” They paused, apparently struggling with the simple maths. He hoped that was only the cryosickness making them groggy and they hadn’t cheated on those aptitude tests. “One hundred and four?” they managed eventually in a strangled yelp.

“Technically speaking. Though physically you haven’t aged a day.”

“I don’t understand,” Jaq muttered and Phineas was relieved when they finally released his hand. He skipped back a few paces and busied himself digging a bottle of water out of the fridge under his work bench as his new comrade grappled with their reality as it was now unfolding.

“It was only meant to be ten years. The contract said that was it.”

“Yes, well, they always screw you with the fine print, don’t they?”

Phineas thrust the water at them and Jaq took it with a look of surprise, then cautiously unscrewed the cap. Their fingers fumbled with it at first but the tension in their shoulders seemed to lessen a touch as they found their former dexterity and succeeded in removing the plastic lid. They took an experimental sip on the liquid, then after discovering they could drink without spilling water everywhere, gulped down mouthfuls.

“Steady,” Phineas warned. “Your stomach lining may be a little tender for a few hours. I would recommend consuming as little as possible for a while. There may be some unfortunate sudden effects otherwise.”

The sticky substance on his shoes squelched underfoot and Jaq grimaced.

“Sorry about that,” they mumbled, looking a touch embarrassed and Phineas felt a slight, unexpected tug of compassion. He’d been so elated they hadn’t spontaneously liquefied he’d forgotten that the whole mess would still be confusing and uncomfortable for Jaq.

He went to pat them again on the shoulder and then pulled up short, his hand hovering awkwardly in the air between them. He shouldn’t get any closer to this one, he thought. There was still every chance the sudden onset cell decay might creep up on them, and besides that, they didn’t have long before Hawthorne’s pod would arrive and then it would be out into the wilds of Halcyon with them. No telling what might happen then.

“Not to worry,” he offered, withdrawing his hand and tucking into his jacket. “Now, I will explain everything but we must get you ready to leave. There isn’t much time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it this far, let me know what you think. Feedback, including constructive criticism, is very much appreciated.
> 
> Despite being non-binary trans-masc myself, this is my first time writing a non-binary character and using gender-neutral pronouns. Shout me if there's any confusion around the grammar. Content note for my fellow trans and non-binary people, there will be some occasional instances of very mild misgendering but zero outright transphobia. When we eventually get to it, I tend to write sex scenes without too much reference to specific body parts. If necessary, I'll be using language that I, as an AFAB person, am personally comfortable with, but will post a content warning at the beginning of the required chapters for anyone who wishes to avoid this.


	2. Chapter 2

The hum of the Unreliable’s now functioning engine reverberated through the walls of the bathroom and Jaq felt the vibration through the thin soles of the boots they had stolen from a dead marauder. Their stomach gave a lurch at the thought.

The first time they’d pulled a trigger on Terra 2, it was the horrible familiarity of the weapon’s kick that struck them first. It was a sensation they’d thought they’d never feel again after they’d been escorted beyond the perimeter wire of their old regiment’s camp and turned their back and a middle finger on the military. That had been years ago – even before being frozen - and yet, all the old training had come flooding back so quickly in a blur of muscle memory and adrenalin. And then, bizarrely, it had all slowed to a crawl and in excruciating detail, Jaq had watched the marauder’s chest explode in a spray of blood and viscera, red spattering the unfamiliar flora that surrounded them.

They shook their head in an attempt to dislodge the image, splashing freezing and faintly chemical smelling water across their face. Overhead, a fluorescent light flickered, casting angular shadows as they scrubbed at their skin with calloused fingers, nails scraping the dirt and dried blood, and god only knew what else, away. The water in the basin turned a murky brown as they continued and they only stopped when everything disappearing down the drain appeared clear.

Jaq raised their head, water sopping from the mop of dark hair that almost hung in their eyes, and stared at themselves in the grimy mirror.

The face that stared back had hollowed out over the last few days. It was a struggle to find much they considered edible in Halcyon and they’d only just started getting used to the tang of saltuna enough to stomach it. As a result, all the sharp edges seemed to stand out under their skin. Their jaw looked firmer, their brows heavier, their eyes deeper sunk. Jaq snorted and almost smiled at the reflection. How many years had they spent wanting that softness to disappear? All it had taken was seventy years floating in the ether, a few days of near-starvation, and a dozen or more murders.

They ran a hand over their jaw, avoiding the deep gash left behind by the sharp edge of a container when they’d thrown themselves behind it during a skirmish. Another split graced their cheek – the result of flying shrapnel - a third to their lip, and there was a deep purple bruise around one eye. Yeah, they looked like shit.

Although they’d never been much to look at in the first place, they mused, tilting their head this way and that and trying to see what it was about them that had so far inspired fear, resentment, anger and somehow, miraculously, also trust, in the citizens of the colony they had met thus far. Something in the eyes, that was what the Vicar had said. Jaq wasn’t convinced. The person staring back at them looked exhausted and broken. Definitely not someone up for saving a whole ship’s worth of floating colonists.

ADA’s voice cut in over the squeaking coms unit fixed in the wall. “We are now docking at Phineas Welles’ lab, Captain.”

Jaq nodded. “Thanks, ADA,” they called back, uncertain if there was a mic in the bathroom to pick that up. It was a little disconcerting to think there might be. But then there was a whole lot about this situation that made them uncomfortable, which was why they had set a course for Phineas’ lab in the first place.

They’d barely known the man longer than an hour before they’d found themselves thrown full throttle into the wilds of Halcyon, but Jaq had found his voice in their ear an anchor in a sea of turbulent madness and to have had it ripped away so suddenly had left them feeling adrift. The moment the engine had burst into life aboard the ship, they’d known exactly what their first port of call would be.

With a final sigh to force down the uncertainty, Jaq strode out into the bright lights of the hall, the metal gangway ringing underfoot and the heat of the engine room radiating up from below.

“Uhh, ma’am – I’m mean, Sir? Uhh, Captain? Captain!”

Jaq grimaced at Parvati’s clumsy greeting but fixed a smile before turning. The young mechanic was trying her best, after all. They were still getting used to the title themselves but they had to admit, it was rapidly growing on them.

“Sorry, Captain,” Parvati added with an uncertain smile. “I was just wonderin’ if me and the Vicar will be accompanying you down to the lab?”

It was a good question, one Jaq had been contemplating themselves. Taking backup would make tactical sense, though they didn’t think the old scientist intended or even could do them much harm, not on his own, anyway. But then who knew what traps and tricks he had rigged up? There was no way a secret hideout this well-hidden wasn’t going to be well defended in ways Jaq was sure they couldn’t even begin to guess at. Welles had successfully hidden himself away for thirty-five years. That took cunning and skill, and a level of self-preservation instinct that wasn’t likely to lend itself to welcoming visitors.

“Walking into the lair of a wanted criminal alone doesn’t seem all that sensible, Captain.”

Jaq glanced over at the Vicar seated at the mess table, his hands clasped calmly in front of him atop it and a contemplative look on his face. They grit their teeth at his words. Max had proven his worth in the heat of battle but Jaq hadn’t quite warmed to his high and mighty manner just yet. They’d known a few too many men like that back on Earth. Men who were too certain of themselves.

“Phineas revived me at a hell of a risk to himself,” Jaq replied, the urge to defend the scientist rising up unexpectedly. “I trust him.”

_I think,_ they added silently to themselves. They’d seen enough of Halcyon by this point to be convinced that if they had to pick a side – and it was clear they did – then it would be Phineas’ they were taking. That didn’t stop them wondering if the man didn’t have some ulterior motives he was hiding.

Not that the crew needed to know that. Certainly not Parvati who was twisting her hands and biting her lip and looking about fit to burst with questions. Jaq gave her a nod.

“Yeah, I think you should both come with me.”

They’d asked their crew to trust their wild story this far, it was only fair the two of them got some answers too.

“Just, let me handle the talking. And keep your weapons stowed. I don’t want anyone spooking Doctor Welles.”

The young engineer – Ms Holcombe, she’d been introduced as –stared at him through the glass with wide-eyed wonder. The Vicar did so with thinly veiled distrust. Phineas shifted uncomfortably and did his best to avoid looking at either of them. He couldn’t say he blamed them for their reaction to him. He knew the stories the Board told about him, the lies they spun. They likely thought him a madman, a terrorist. And yet they were here, and so was Jaq.

He hadn’t quite believe what he was seeing at first when they came striding down the gangway in dirty, stolen clothes and scuffed up armour, a rifle strapped to their back and a too confident lopsided smirk on their face. The closer they got, the more that Phineas could see the cuts and bruises, and the uncertainty in their eyes that the grin did nothing to hide.

He’d not bothered to hide his own immense relief that they were still alive. Perhaps it was professional pride in a job well done, he mused, that had him feeling so pleased to see Jaq. After all, they hadn’t so much as changed colour or leaked fluids anywhere. A completely successful revival was a marvel of science and he couldn’t wait to begin taking notes.

He had restrained himself until after Jaq’s colleagues had returned to the ship under their new Captain’s order before he made any enquiries.

“So, have you experienced any side effects at all?” he asked, surreptitiously digging around amongst a stack of paperwork for a notepad and pen.

There was silence from the other side of the glass and when he looked up, Jaq was running a hand through tousled hair and looking suddenly uncomfortable.

“There’s this one thing that happens sometimes . . .” They trailed off and grimaced then tapped on the bulletproof glass.

“Can we do this somewhere a bit more private?”

Oh law. He hoped this wasn’t going to be anything too personal.

“Ahh, well . . .” Phineas bit his lip. He hadn’t specifically hidden himself away from Jaq – though he had been a little uncertain what their reaction to him upon their return might be – it was their unknown crew he had been more concerned about. Even with them back aboard the ship

Jaq cocked their head at him, a frown sliding into place. “I’m not going to hurt you, Phineas.” They paused then grinned and shrugged. “You broke into an abandoned ship and saved my life after all.”

Phineas smirked. Yes, he was quite proud of that. It had been quite the daring rescue, he had to admit.

He tried not to puff his chest out and tapped his pen against his notepad thoughtfully for a moment. There probably wasn’t any harm in letting Jaq in. It had been so long since he’d had visitors and Jaq needed his help, his expertise . . .

Phineas reached for the security controls before he could talk himself out of it and the hydraulics hissed as the door slid open.

The Captain stepped in, a little slower than before and, though hesitant to approach them, Phineas ran an appraising eye over them. They looked exhausted. And they smelt. Sweat and grime, explosive charge mixed with saltuna and something fleshy and visceral he didn’t want to identify. There were definitely bloodstains in amongst the other unidentifiable marks upon their person.

Jaq must have sensed his unease as rather than come any closer, they took a seat on the same medical gurney they had awoken on days before. Phineas watched and waited, shifting from foot to foot with an agitation he couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause of.

“So, this err . . . phenomena, you mentioned?” he prompted.

“Right. It’s, this is going to sound mad.” Jaq held his gaze and Phineas gave them the most professionally reassuring smile he could muster.

“I promise you, nothing you could tell me could be more outlandish than anything else I have encountered over the years.”

Jaq puffed out their cheeks and nodded, apparently accepting that. Phineas could only imagine how confusing this all still was to them. Perhaps he should ask them to keep a journal for research purposes? Track their day to day health? There were endless possibilities for study.

“When I’m in a fight, it’s like time slows down, but sometimes, I’m still running at full speed,” they said, cutting through his musings.

Phineas frowned at that. A change in perception of time? He supposed it was possible. An alteration to brain chemistry, thawed out synapses firing differently now they’d finally been put to use again. That slip of the hand when he’d been tinkering around checking their brain function . . . oh dear.

“Ahh, really? Well, I’m not quite sure what might cause that, so many variables when coming out of cryosleep after so long,” he mumbled in a rush. Jaq just nodded. “And is this time dilation effect an asset or a hindrance?”

Jaq looked thoughtful for a moment, full lips pursing and one brow lifting in a manner that made them look even younger than their thirty-some years. Under the grime and the grazes, they were actually quite nice to look at, he thought then suddenly frowned, uncertain where that had come from.

“Well, it threw me off at first,” Jaq admitted. “Nearly got my head blown off.”

Phineas winced at that.

“And it makes you see things that much clearer. Makes it harder to shift the memory.”

Jaq’s voice had dropped a note and that smile looked forced now. Phineas felt a sudden tug of sympathy for the young person before them. He was asking so much of them and it had been inevitable that in the process they would have to do some distasteful things. Those images would follow them for years, he knew. He had his own nightmares to battle with.

“But, yeah,” Jaq said, suddenly squaring their shoulders and rallying themselves. “It buys me some crucial seconds that have saved my skin a few times.”

That was a relief to hear.

“Fascinating,” Phineas replied enthusiastically now. “And can you control this slowing down of time?”

Jaq shook their head. “I don’t think so, it just happens.”

Even more fascinating, Phineas thought and scribbled a few notes. He would have to find some time to test this phenomena. Perhaps they could set up some scenarios in the lab and see if they could trigger off the time dilation?

His mind began running away with him, imagining possible experiments they could try until Jaq gave a loud yawn then apologised.

“Not to worry.” He cut them off with a wave of the hand. The Captain looked about ready to fall asleep right there on the table they had awoken upon not so long ago, their eyelids heavy – even the one half swollen shut. “We can discuss this further once you have more experience. For now, back to the ship with you. You need some rest before your trip to the Groundbreaker and I have work to do.”

Jaq hadn’t argued with that, only slid to their feet, offered him a weary smile, and then exited the lab. Phineas watched them go from behind the glass, an optimism he hadn’t felt in years filling his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

The temperature aboard the Groundbreaker was unbearable. It was a sticky, suffocating heat that caught in the back of the throat with each breath and made everything cling to clammy skin. Jaq rolled their shoulders to loosen a knot in their muscles and felt sweat trickle down their spine. It had already soaked through the armpits of the formerly white t-shirt they’d stripped down to, coverall arms knotted around their waist. They’d forgone armour against the oppressive temperature. Overheating seemed more of a threat than a bullet currently.

They’d left the others back at the Lost Hope, telling them they needed to go pick up a pack of cigarettes from a vendor. It was a stupid lie. They hadn’t smoked in years. They’d just needed to get away from the forced cheer of the bar and clear their head.

They were happy to have expanded their crew, and it was good to see them all slotting together so naturally, but Jaq couldn’t help but feel awkward sat with them all around the grubby table as they swapped stories and planned their next move. The problem wasn’t the people they had taken on, they were all more than welcome aboard the Unreliable. It was the inside jokes, the little references to a history they had no knowledge of and a culture they had never consumed. The others all knew this place and all the rules and Jaq felt like they were stuck on the side-lines of a game they had never played. If they were honest with themselves, they felt lost, and suddenly lonely.

They had sat there and endured it all until their muscles tingled with the tension, urging them to rise and move, to stretch their legs with a few laps of the deck. And God did it feel good to just walk. The lights and noise, the smell of cooking and engine grease and even the waste unit, it all felt so familiar. Just like Earth. Just like back in the city. Just like home.

An ad drone buzzed past, a corporate jingle and blur of neon cutting through their thoughts. They took a swig of zero-g brew and felt the cool liquid slip down their throat. Blissful.

“Hey, no drinking on the promenade bud, move it along.”

Jaq glanced up at the two towering corporate troopers outside Halcyon Holdings and shot them a cocky grin. They’d gotten into rounds with the new crewmates, Ellie and Felix, and it seemed their recently thawed out body didn’t metabolise the booze quite as well as it had in the past.

“Yeah? Want to come down here and stop me?”

The guard cocked their head and Jaq could almost see the glare behind the helmet. They snorted and took another swig. There was no way either of those two tin cans were authorised to leave their post.

“By order of Udom Bedford -”

“Tell Udom he can go fuck himself.”

Slimy corporate bastard. Jaq had spent half the afternoon in his office trying to talk him into releasing their ship from impound. When that hadn’t worked, they’d settled for good old fashioned threats of violence. With the burly Vicar at their side, it had worked, and Jaq had discovered a new respect for Max. The man certainly had his uses.

“You know how many years you can get in Tartarus for threatening an agent of the Board?”

Jaq shrugged. “I didn’t threaten him. I made a suggestion for how he might relieve some stress.”

The other guard laughed then abruptly halted when their colleague glanced over at them. They both squared up. Despite the alcohol thrumming in their veins, Jaq knew when it was time to duck out of a fight. They swigged from the bottle, shot the troopers a sloppy, mocking salute and picked up the pace. They’d come out here to clear their head, not get it kicked in.

They continued their stroll down the promenade, attempting to process a fraction of the chaos around them. Their stomach growled as they passed a food vendor frying some unrecognisable meat, a catering bot clattering away with a mean looking knife behind them. The _thunk thunk thunk_ against the chopping board cut through the chatter of the freighter crew stood smoking and trading tossball cards whilst they waited for their food. Jaq contemplated stopping to buy something, then remembered why they’d been sat swapping ideas in the bar in the first place. Their pockets were distinctly light on bits and they needed to figure out a way to get more.

The Sublight sign blinked down at them from on high and Jaq paused, leaning back against the railing to glance up to the windows of the office a few storeys above. The glass was grimy but through it, they could see the outline of two armed guards, backs to the promenade. There was a lot of muscle around for a simple salvage operation and, not for the first time since they’d docked at Groundbreaker, Jaq wondered what the hell they were getting themselves into.

With a sigh and another swig they pushed off the railing. Trying to land a contract was a problem for the morning, once they’d sobered up.

They stepped aside as another ad bot drifted towards them and almost stuttered to a halt.

“ _Have you seen this man?”_

The holographic image flickering before them was scowling and drawn with a maniacal sneer stretched across its face, as if the artist had been told to make the man look as dangerous as possible. Jaq laughed. It was hard to square the wanted poster with their own impression of the old scientist, but the image was still recognisable as Phineas.

“ _Wanted for crimes against the colony_. _Reward available for any information leading to the arrest of the terrorist Phineas Welles._ ”

Yeah, that would be one way to make bits, Jaq thought, side-stepping the bot before they could contemplate kicking it halfway down the promenade. Judging by the questions Bedford had asked, it sounded like the late Captain Hawthorne had considered doing so. The thought provoked a flash of anger. Jaq had been carrying the guilt of the man’s death ever since they’d crash-landed outside Edgewater. The suspicion that the former captain of the Unreliable had been contemplating selling out Phineas did something to ease the weight of that guilt in their mind.

They kept up the pace as they passed the mardets lounging outside the security office and strode into the sudden expanse of the docking bay. After the noise and the confusion of the rest of Groundbreaker, it felt strangely quiet out here and Jaq found it unnerving to be alone and in so much open space. They hurried towards the Unreliable and bounded up the gangway.

“Welcome aboard, Captain. I sense your perspiration levels are: high. Perhaps you should consider a shower?”

Jaq bit back a sarcastic remark at that as the doors hissed shut behind them. It probably wasn’t a smart move to go upsetting the computer capable of piloting the ship they didn’t have the faintest idea how to fly. Not if they ever wanted to get to Monarch when they finally scraped together the bits to get that navkey.

“Yeah, cheers for the suggestion, ADA,” they replied through gritted teeth and flopped down into the Captain’s chair in front of the communications terminal.

“Is there something I can help you with, Captain?”

The pixelated brows of the face on screen rose as if in question and Jaq frowned in suspicion. Supposedly AI was impossible, so why did ADA seem so uncannily observant? Jaq watched ADA blink twice and then frown.

“Your blood alcohol level appears to be elevated. My safety protocols will not allow you to pilot the ship in this condition.”

“I’m not going anywhere, ADA. Not without my crew,” Jaq replied and took another swig from the bottle. They were running low but they were pretty sure Hawthorne would have left a stash of booze somewhere in the hold if they could be bothered to go and poke around in there for it.

The thought of the former Captain darkened their mood again. Would he really have sold out Welles? Did Phineas suspect that? The old man had trusted Hawthorne, at least to an extent. The idea that his only contact, the closest thing he’d had to a friend over the years, would have handed him over to the board for a few thousand bits, well that made Jaq feel sick.

They took another long draw on the zero-g and swilled the rapidly warming liquid round their mouth, contemplating the thought of thirty-five years of solitude. What did that do to a person? Had Phineas truly been alone all that time? Jaq felt a creeping sense of fear at the thought. They couldn’t imagine trying to do this alone and hadn’t even given a second thought to accepting each of their new crew members aboard. Max had even cracked a joke about their willingness to round up every stray in Halcyon when they’d finished up Felix’s interview by telling the kid he had the job.

“Hey, ADA?”

“Yes, Captain?”

Did they detect a note of sarcasm in the computer’s voice? Jaq glanced back at the screen and squinted at ADA’s face over the top of the bottle. That looked suspiciously like a smirk.

“Can you get a secure connection to Doctor Welles’ lab from here? Without giving away the recipient of the transmission,” they added quickly. Groundbreaker might be having issues picking up messages but it didn’t seem wise to go testing how well they were paying attention to those being sent from aboard the old colony ship.

“Of course, Captain. I can do a great many things. Would you like me to connect you to known terrorist Phineas Welles?”

Jaq blinked at that. They supposed it wasn’t so strange that the computer Hawthorne had programmed seemed to have ended up sharing the man’s opinion on Welles.

“Yeah, do that. And ADA, don’t call him that again.”

“Yes, Captain. Securing connection now with corporate outlaw Welles.”

Phineas was on the verge of finally collapsing into bed for a few short hours of broken sleep when the comms unit chirped at him, echoing in the silence of the laboratory.

He hadn’t had a call in . . . well, weeks. Not since the unfortunate Captain Hawthorne had contacted him prior to the incident with the escape pod. And before that he wasn’t even sure how long it had been.

So it was with much confusion and a touch of trepidation that he set down the data pad he had been scanning and hurried over to the computer, dragging a rolling chair with him. Settling into it, he raised his brows and peered at the screen.

“Incoming call from: Groundbreaker relay,” he read aloud to himself before punching a key to accept the connection.

The moment he did, a smiling Captain Evenshaw filled the screen.

“Hey, doctor Welles.”

Phineas almost startled in surprise to see them. “Oh, hello, Captain.”

Jaq was lounging in their captain’s chair at an awkward angle, one leg slung over the arm and what looked like a bottle of something alcoholic dangling between their fingers. Their sweaty hair was plastered to their forehead and a light sheen of perspiration covered flushed skin. If it weren’t for the crooked grin tugging at their lips, Phineas would have been concerned they were running a fever.

“Everything alright over there?” he asked, contemplating several worrying scenarios for why his young colleague would be calling him this late.

“All good here, doc. Couple of minor financial snags delaying us at the moment but I’m working on it.”

Ahh, so perhaps there was a problem. They needed some guidance from him or assistance with a difficult mission, maybe a tip-off for where to make a few bits. That made sense.

“Is there something I can help with?” he asked.

Jaq cocked their head at that, appearing thoughtful for a moment. “No, I just wanted to see how things were at your end.” They grinned again, flashing white teeth at him. “So, yeah, how’re you doing?”

_Oh_. Phineas wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. How was he doing? No one had asked him that in . . . years? Decades perhaps.

His chair squeaked and rocked beneath him as he shifted awkwardly and attempted to puzzle out a suitable answer. Did they want to know if he was healthy? Perhaps the Captain was concerned he might not be long for this world, that their only guiding force might suddenly disappear, or that he wasn’t capable of helping them complete this mission. Yes, that seemed likely. They had been a soldier a long while ago, after all. They were simply trying to ascertain the capabilities of their comrade.

Whilst he mulled all this over Jaq only waited, taking a long swallow of their drink, tilting their head right back to get at the dregs. The image on the screen flickered but Phineas could still see the sweat that trickled down their throat to the lean muscle of their chest.

“I’m . . . well, I’m fine. It’s been a long day. I was just about to head off to bed, actually.”

Yes, that seemed like a sensible, reassuring answer. Implied he was busy but looking after himself, keeping to a regular sleep schedule. That would be what they wanted to hear.

Only Jaq’s expression suddenly shifted, their smile slipping and an apologetic look taking its place.

“Sorry, didn’t realise it was so late. I’m still adjusting to the time difference. I’ll leave you to it.”

The Captain made to stand and Phineas saw them reach forward, presumably to terminate the call.

“No, no!” he blurted and Jaq paused, hand hovering in front of them. “It’s quite alright, you’re not keeping me up.”

He wasn’t quite sure where that had come from, only that he didn’t want them to go. Not yet. It was so good to see a familiar face. Jaq eased back into their seat and Phineas felt an inexplicable pressure in his chest lessen as they did so. 

“If you’re sure?”

Jaq sounded uncertain and Phineas nodded emphatically.

“Quite sure. The caffenoids will take a little longer to wear off anyhow. It’s err . . . it’s good to see you.”

The Captain’s face lit up at that, the lopsided grin back in place and Phineas found himself mirroring it. It was a nice smile, he thought, infectious.

“It’s good to see you too,” Jaq replied, swiping a hand across their brow. “It’s hot as hell over here, something up with the engines and the coolant systems apparently. Going to check it out tomorrow with Parvati, see if we can’t wrangle some bits out of Chief Tennyson for the trouble.”

As Phineas relaxed into his chair, Jaq continued to chat away about their plans for work aboard the Groundbreaker, their new crewmates, and any manner of other topics that seemed to come to mind. They were rambling and probably a touch drunk, he realised, but he found he didn’t mind as he nodded along and interjected with suggestions. He enjoyed the Captain’s company, even if it was remotely, and it was something of a relief to talk about a topic other than the Hope and the threat hanging over the colony.

They both lost track of time and he hadn’t noticed quite how long they had been talking until there was something of a commotion in the background of Jaq’s display and Phineas caught a brief glimpse of two figures stumbling aboard the ship, arms slung round each other’s shoulders. Behind them, Parvati was laughing and steering them away from the comms room whilst the frowning Vicar rolled his eyes and tutted about their behaviour.

“Hey, boss!” a floppy-haired young man called and waved to his Captain.

Phineas chuckled as Jaq rolled their eyes and straightened up in their chair.

“I think I need to see to my crew,” they muttered, just loud enough for him to hear over the clattering of footsteps behind them. He took that as his cue to bid them farewell for the night.

“It was good to talk,” Jaq said as they rose to their feet. The slightly faraway, tipsy look in their eyes had faded and Phineas could hear the sincerity in their voice. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one who had appreciated the distraction, he mused.

“Likewise, Captain. If you want to do this again . . . well, you know where to find me.”

Jaq nodded at that, then as another round of drunken squabbling erupted behind them, shut off the connection.

When Phineas eventually did fall into bed, the image of the Captain’s parting smile swam behind his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Jaq spent a couple of weeks running errands aboard the Groundbreaker with their crew, scraping together bits and generating something of a reputation for themselves as a reliable freelancer. Over that time, the evening calls quickly became a routine Phineas looked forward to. So much so, that when the Captain announced they were leaving for Roseway and might be out of contact for a while, he wasn’t surprised at the way disappointment settled over him with the weight of a marauding canid.

“Glady’s wants us to look into some rumours for her, see if we can’t pick up some intel. Shouldn’t take more than a few days.”

Phineas nodded along but didn’t respond. A few days sounded optimistic to him. It had been a long while since he’d set foot on solid earth yet he well recalled how inhospitable the terrain of Terra 2 could be.

Jaq seemed to interpret his silence as disapproval as they straightened up in the captain’s chair and dropped the relaxed grin they’d been wearing. “It’ll be a quick in and out job and then I should finally have the bits to make it to Monarch. No more delays.”

Delays. Yes, that was the problem. Every moment they spent chatting was another the lost colonists of the Hope spent floating in stasis. The longer they were out there, the harder it would be to revive them, and he had to revive them. Every one of them.

“I’ll get to your info broker as soon as I can, Phineas. Trust me.”

Jaq’s expression was serious when Phineas glanced back at the screen. When they frowned like that, he could just see the lines starting to creep in around their eyes that undermined their otherwise youthful appearance. He held their gaze and forced a smile.

“I do.”

The Captain relaxed at that. They’d looked a touch on edge all evening and Phineas wondered if there was something they weren’t telling him about this detour.

“It’s just important we maintain our focus. We must get you to Monarch – to Hiram. There are so many souls relying on us.”

The image on screen flickered but Phineas just caught the subtle shift in Jaq’s expression at that. He’d spent enough time with them to know the half smile followed by them rubbing the back of their head was a sure sign they were feeling uncomfortable about something.

“When do you intend to leave?” he asked, hoping changing the subject might alleviate some of the tension.

“First thing tomorrow. Crew needs some sleep and then we’ll be on our way.”

Ahh, yes, their crew.

Over the last couple of weeks, Phineas felt he had gotten to know them all quite well. He would often see them pass by in the background, hovering in the open doorway with a look of faint interest as they watched he and the Captain converse. Occasionally, one of them would interrupt, usually Parvati or the young lad Felix whom Jaq had recently taken on. They would always apologise profusely for the intrusion and Jaq would wave it off and reassure them it was fine. Phineas would acknowledge the crew’s tentative greetings before they turned to their Captain with a question or an update on something regarding the ship, and Phineas found he enjoyed watching them together. For all they occasionally voiced their concerns to him that they weren’t really fit to lead, it seemed Jaq had quickly grown into their role as Captain of the Unreliable, and the little band of misfits and miscreants they had taken on clearly respected them. There was a not insignificant part of him that envied them all their easy camaraderie and he found himself enjoying those odd moments where he was treated as an extension of their crew.

“I was thinking I’d make a quick stop over at the lab,” Jaq said, interrupting his thoughts. Phineas felt his brows shoot up at that and the Captain clearly noticed as they continued quickly. “If you’ve got a bit of time spare tomorrow?”

He almost laughed at the question. Time was probably the one thing neither of them had. But then, there was little that could be done until Jaq had the bits necessary to get that navkey. And it would be nice to see them before they left for Roseway. He should probably check they were still functioning just fine, now that some time had passed since their revival. Yes, he really should make more notes on their recovery to ensure he knew what to expect for the rest of the colonists.

Jaq was waiting expectantly and Phineas gave them a measured nod in reply. “I’m sure I can find a spare moment.”

They smiled at that, the same lopsided smirk that lit up their face whenever they greeted him once he accepted the connection each night and they appeared on screen.

“Great. Well, I’ll see you in the morning then.” With that, they cut the call.

Phineas sat back in the chair and glanced around himself at the lab, scratching a hand over the stubble creeping in across his cheeks. Old projects lay half-finished on the work benches, twisted bits of metal strewn here and there in amongst precariously stacked data pads and a drift of notes. In one corner, his latest attempt at trialling a new ratio of chemicals was sat bubbling away and something suspiciously green had leaked onto the floor. He chewed his lip. This wouldn’t do. He would need to have a tidy up before Jaq and their crew arrived.

He rose to his feet, knees clicking as he did so. His limbs felt as creaky as a rusted mechanical after so long sitting in the same position. A mechanical . . . now, that gave him an idea. Where was that old cleaning mech he’d scavenged parts from years ago?

With all thought of sleep abandoned for the time being, Phineas delved into a pile of spare parts and began rummaging through them.

“Can I come meet doc Welles, boss?”

Felix was hovering in the hold when Jaq strolled in and grabbed a pistol off the workbench before tucking it into the holster sat snug on their hip. There was no real need for a weapon at the lab, but it still seemed prudent to carry something for self-defence. Just in case one of Phineas’ many experiments got out of hand.

The kid was wearing a hopeful look on his face. “I could carry that cargo down for you? I’m the best box hauler in the system after all!”

Jaq sighed. They should have expected this. Whilst Ellie had done her best to seem nonchalant about working with the most wanted man in the system, Felix had been unable to hide his excitement at the prospect of meeting Welles. More than once Jaq had caught him curiously peering over their shoulder as they sat in the Captain’s chair, shooting the breeze with Phineas.

“He’s not that keen on visitors,” they warned. Felix’s grin didn’t slip for a second.

“I’ll just do some heavy lifting and stand in the background. I swear, he’ll barely even notice I’m there.”

Jaq folded their arms over their chest, contemplating the young man in front of them. Felix was so eager to please, always jumping at every opportunity to help out around the ship or learn from his crewmates, they hated to say no to him. But Phineas had been nervy last time they had dropped by and they knew he was uncomfortable around strangers. They didn’t blame him. Jaq was still finding their feet in regards to Halcyon etiquette and it couldn’t be easy for the old scientist either, not after so long hidden away from society.

“Come on boss, I’ll just help unload and then head straight back aboard.”

Jaq got the strong impression Phineas’ reputation was less a concern and more a cause for admiration as far as Felix was concerned. He’d been vocal on several occasions about his anarchist leanings – enough so that he and Max had gotten into it in the mess until Parvati had quietly asked them to be nice to each other – and Jaq could sympathise. Phineas almost certainly would too. In fact, if he could relax enough to get to know the young man, they were pretty sure he and Felix would get along well.

“Alright -”

“- yesssss!” Felix cut in before they could get any further. He sprang forward, hauling the heavy box of cargo up into his arms. “Point the way boss!”

The lab looked tidier than they remembered it being. Although Phineas had secured away his more dangerous projects and experiments the last time they had called in, this time it looked like he might have actually run a mop around the floor. There were considerably less suspicious stains coating the metal panels than usual. Maybe something had gone horribly wrong that had required a deep clean? Jaq frowned and glanced around for tell-tale signs of damage as they descended the steps and approached the bullet proof glass.

Phineas emerged from his secure lab just as Felix clattered to a halt behind Jaq. If the lab was looking tidier than expected, Phineas himself was anything but. His grey hair was more tousled than usual, as if he’d run his hands through it too many times and tugged on the strands. Jaq wondered what he was working on that had him so stressed. Perhaps it was all the delays that had the old scientist so frazzled, they thought, a touch of guilt creeping in at that.

“Good morning Captain and, ahh, Mr Millstone is it?”

Jaq heard a dull thump as Felix set the cargo down behind them. They glanced over their shoulder to see him grinning broadly, all wide eyed wonder and excitement as he tore his gaze away from the specimens floating in tanks around the room and turned it upon the infamous criminal stood before them.

“Just Felix is fine. It’s an honour to meet you Doctor Welles.”

Despite the fact he was bouncing on his toes, Felix stayed true to his word and didn’t shift from his spot and when Jaq looked back to Phineas, they were pleased to see that he appeared more amused than wary this time.

The scientist blinked twice in confusion. “Oh? Well, thank you.”

“You’re a bit of a legend on the ship,” Jaq told him and Phineas laughed awkwardly. Before they turned away to reach into the box behind them, Jaq caught the faintly pleased look in his eyes. They tugged a tin out of the container and tossed it over to him. He caught it between deft fingers, turning it over in his hands.

“What’s this?”

“Trip-teaz,” they replied, digging further into the box, searching out a different flavour. “Junlei dropped a load over for Parvati.” They leaned in closer to the scientist so Felix wouldn’t overhear them. “Between you and me, the Chief sent over too many for us to keep in the hold. Need the space for ammo stock. You’d be doing me a favour taking some off my hands.”

It wasn’t completely true. Chief Tennyson had been considerably generous with her gift - so much so that Parvati had blushed and stumbled over her thank you - and it was more than the crew could possibly get through in months, but still, Jaq had mostly decided to make the donation on the grounds that Phineas’ needed to consume something other than 2-hour energy brew. The man swigged on the stuff to such an extent that they were convinced it couldn’t be doing his heart any good.

They gestured to the box in his hand. “Apparently those ones are good for helping sleep,” they said, before pulling out another tin. “And this type is mellow enough you should get through an afternoon’s work without your body humming like it’s been jolted with a few thousand volts.”

Jaq noticed Phineas had grown quiet whilst they spoke, the box of flavoured tea still grasped in his hands and his gaze fixed on the gaudy packaging. For a moment, the Captain wondered if they had overstepped somehow. Perhaps Phineas didn’t appreciate them commenting on his caffeine consumption. It had been a bit presumptuous.

“Everything alright?” they ventured and he seemed to jolt to life at that. He glanced up and laughed quietly, an odd smile plucking at his lips.

“Oh, yes, thank you. This is . . . very thoughtful of you.”

Jaq rubbed their neck. It wasn’t like they’d paid for the stock, and it was Parvati that had mentioned that perhaps Phineas would like some after she’d overheard Jaq speaking to Ellie about the long term effects of high doses of caffenoids.

“Least I can do really,” they said with a shrug.

Phineas was looking at the box curiously again, as if he was somewhat confused by it. Jaq briefly wondered if they’d been given some off stock or the flavours the company couldn’t shift and so had abandoned aboard Groundbreaker. Then Phineas seemed to rally himself and gave them a smile that lit up his pale grey eyes. Jaq suddenly found themselves feeling very pleased they’d bothered to stop by.

“Anyway, let me know if there’s anything else you need,” they offered. “I’ll see about picking it up for you, for next time I drop in.”

“Oh, no, there’s no need. Don’t put yourself out on my account. I have all the supplies I require right here.”

Phineas swept out an arm, gesturing to the lab. Jaq frowned. Perhaps Phineas did have a decent stock of food in the private quarters they had never entered but it was only discarded tins of saltuna and the odd can of fast ration pills they could see tucked away under the workbenches. Hardly sufficient nutrients for a healthy diet.

“It’s no problem,” they assured him, making a mental note to find any kind of fresh supplies they could. “I can always grab extra of everything when re-stocking for the ship. Plus, I’m pretty good at securing a five finger discount so . . .” They shrugged and Phineas gave a conspiratorial chuckle at that. Jaq grinned.

They both lapsed into silence for a moment and Jaq got the impression the old scientist was weighing something up. Besides his understandable secrecy, Phineas really was quite a private person. On their calls, he had asked Jaq several questions about their background, their general health and how they were feeling since being dropped into the middle of a system on the verge of collapse. Jaq had not managed to get anything near the same amount of information out of him. They supposed it was the natural way of things for Phineas. He was inquisitive and observant, always making notes and puzzling out his experiments. He didn’t seem to be interested in discussing himself and his own thoughts and needs. That or he deliberately avoided doing so. Jaq supposed it was another defense mechanism – like those he had set up around his base. Too much time spent pondering inside one’s own head all alone probably didn’t do much for your sanity.

“Uhh, boss? You ready to ship out?”

Jaq glanced over their shoulder at Felix who was watching them expectantly.

“Sure,” Jaq replied. They did need to get moving – time was of the essence, as Phineas had impressed upon them.

They straightened up, shoving their hands in their pockets and nodding over their shoulder, albeit a little reluctantly.

“Right, best be on our way,” they offered to Phineas, just catching the same reluctance reflected back at them.

“Safe travels, Captain,” he said. And then, to Jaq’s surprise, he extended a hand to them. They took it and the scientist gave their palm a brief squeeze before he shook it. He’d shaken their hand in greeting when they first met, but somehow this felt different. An acknowledgement of their odd friendship.

Jaq held on a moment longer then shot Phineas a grin. “Sure. And don’t go blowing yourself up before I get back.”

Phineas returned the smile before releasing their hand. “I’ll do my best.”


	5. Chapter 5

Parvati watched as the Captain, accompanied by Felix and Ellie, trudged up the gangway and aboard the Unreliable. A lingering smell of raptidon and decay followed them inside.

It had been a few days since the three of them had set out for the abandoned research facility and Parvati had been beginning to wonder if she should launch a search party to see what had happened. But Max had refused, arguing they had been ordered to remain and defend the ship from outlaws looking to strip it for parts and she had reluctantly backed down, returning to her tinkering on the engine to help distract her from worrying over the fate of her friends.

It was such a relief to see them back that the young engineer had to restrain herself from the unexpected desire to hug them.

“I wouldn’t get too close,” the Captain warned as Parvati hurried from the hold to greet them. Jaq was setting down their rifle and shucking off the heavy backpack they had been lugging. “That rapt musk really hangs about.” They wrinkled their nose in disgust but Parvati only laughed.

“It ain't so much worse than the smell of the cannery, Captain. I’m just glad to see you all safe.”

Jaq was rummaging through their belongings but glanced up at that, sweeping their hair back from their eyes with a grubby hand and offering a tired smile.

“Any problems here?”

Parvati shook her head.

“None, Captain,” Max interjected as he reached the bottom of the stairs and came to stand beside her. He grimaced at the smell emanating from their colleagues. “I trust you gathered the information you needed and we will be moving on to Monarch?”

Parvati watched the Captain straighten up with a frown. The vicar had been restless since they had left Groundbreaker, eager to make it to Monarch on his own business. There was a fine thread of tension hanging between the two of them that engineer was conscious seemed close to fraying.

“We’ll be on our way soon enough,” Jaq replied firmly. “Once we’ve made the necessary stop overs.”

“May I recommend you make your first one at the showers?” Max suggested. Parvati winced. She liked the vicar but the man could be a tad blunt.

Luckily, Ellie chose that moment to shove her way between the two of them. “Shotgun,” she shouted, already heading for the stairs.

“Hey! Hold up, that’s not fair, I carried half your gear!” Felix bounded after her, taking the steps two at a time in an attempt to catch up. Max sensibly seized the opportunity to follow them up.

The Captain grumbled something about “seniority” and “pulling rank” but rather than follow the crew, they made their way into the hold, carrying their rucksack over to the storage crates lining the walls. Parvati watched as they began depositing packets of bred noodles and armfuls of mock apples into containers, setting aside a small pile for a box tucked away beneath the work bench. The crew had started referring to it as “Phineas’ box,” and though the Captain had made no direct mention of it, it was silently acknowledged that nothing within it was for use aboard the Unreliable.

“Doctor Welles called whilst you were away,” Parvati said, certain the Captain would want to know as soon as possible. Jaq’s had snapped up at that, a frown furrowing their brow and she rushed to soothe the obvious worry that had prompted.

“He was only asking after you. Well, the mission, how it was going, I mean. He said something about delays.”

The Captain rolled their eyes. “Between him and Max rushing me I’ve half a mind to sit on my hands another week.”

There was no bite to their words though and Parvati gave a timid smile. “We could always hold fast at Groundbreaker for a while.” She fought down a rising blush. “I’m sure Junlei wouldn’t mind.”

Behind the tired smile they were wearing, Parvati caught the glimpse of a knowing look in the Captain’s eyes. “We’ll be dropping by,” they confirmed.

With that, they strolled from the hold, heading to the terminals tucked away in the cockpit. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the Captain’s intention and sure enough, they requested a link with the orbital lab before dropping into the worn leather chair. 

Parvati didn’t want to pry but she lingered a moment, watching Jaq tap on the arm impatiently whilst ADA secured the transmission. A moment later, Doctor Welles’ voice cut in through the crackling of the comms static.

“You look terrible!” the scientist exclaimed, though it was delivered in an affectionate tone that prompted a burst of laughter from the Captain. Parvati smiled to herself as Jaq settled back into their chair, the tension draining from their shoulders. Welles looked concerned but he eventually smiled when the Captain replied, “Thanks, Phineas,” and then launched into a report on the situation at Roseway.

They were a funny pair, Parvati thought as she shuffled back towards the engine room, leaving the two of them to talk. Both of them were so guarded, their righteous anger at the state of the system and the casual cruelty of the board often the only emotion they dared display with anyone else present. And yet, on the evenings she caught snatches of their conversations whilst she worked at patching a leak or replacing rusted panelling, they mostly laughed and joked together or spoke of a future only the two of them seemed able to imagine, a hopeful, wistful edge to their voices. They were both carrying such a weight on their shoulders, she thought. It was good that they had each other to lean on.

As she climbed the ladder to the engine room, she heard another round of laughter from the Captain echo through the lower deck and wondered what terrible pun Phineas had conjured this time to prompt it.

They only spent a couple of days aboard the Groundbreaker this time. Just long enough to restock, pick up some additional work from Sublight for whilst they were down on Monarch, and give Parvati a chance to spend some time with Junlei.

Supposedly, the young engineer was learning about new techniques for maintaining life support systems whilst switching out old parts for new, but judging by the faraway look in her eyes every time she returned to the Unreliable, Jaq was confident there was something deeper than just the passing on of mechanical know-how going on between the Chief and Parvati. The Captain was happy for the two of them, and perhaps a little envious.

Once they had finished their business aboard the Groundbreaker, one navkey secured and their pockets several thousand bits lighter, Jaq had ADA set course for Monarch but with a brief detour to the lab.

“I’ll be a few minutes,” they assured the crew as they pulled on their jacket in the mess. Max cut them a sceptical look.

“We do seem to spend rather a lot of time docked at the top secret lab of an outlaw you informed us dislikes visitors, Captain.”

He’d been grouchy all day about yet another delay and Jaq wasn’t in the mood for this. They scowled at the vicar and pointedly ignored Ellie’s snigger.

“Yeah. Because, as he can’t leave, I have to go to him to get more info on this Hiram guy we’re meant to be tracking down.”

“That couldn’t have been done on one of your nightly chats?”

Jaq decided not to dignify that with a response. They were the Captain, and if they said they were making a stop-over, then that was it.

They stomped down the gangway and descended the stairs at pace, ignoring the mutterings and whispered admonishments aimed at the vicar by the rest of the crew. They were in such a rush to duck out the door, they almost forgot the box of supplies that was the real reason for their visit and had to double back to the hold to gather it up. It was considerably heavier than last time.

Phineas glanced up at them from whatever project he was tinkering with just as Jaq entered the lab, doing their best to look like they weren’t staggering under the weight of the box.

“I thought you were on your way to Monarch?” he said in surprise, rounding a bench as they set it down.

_Oh for fucks sake, not him too_ , Jaq thought.

“Yeah, I will be, just after I finish your grocery run, Sir,” they shot back.

They regretted snapping at him the moment the scientist peered up at them from where he had knelt beside the box. His face that had lit up in a surprised smile fell to a grimace, his bushy grey brows furrowing.

“I’m not issuing orders, Jaq. It was an observation.”

He looked a little hurt at the accusation. They sighed heavily and offered him a hand. “I know, sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Truce?”

Phineas accepted it and nodded agreement before delving back into the box, rummaging through the tins of boarstwurst and packets of dried ingredients that were stacked alongside fresher produce.

“There should be enough in there for three square meals a day for the next few weeks,” Jaq told him. They’d sat and done some calculations aboard the Unreliable on the trip over and had even thrown in a few recipes suggested by Felix and Parvati. They only hoped Phineas had some cooking utensils stashed away under all the tools and test tubes.

“I wasn’t sure what you like to drink so helped myself to Purpleberry liqueur when we were back on Terra 2, and there should be some mock apple cider and spectrum vodka tucked away somewhere in there.”

“Oh, wonderful! Purpleberry munch!” Phineas exclaimed. “I haven’t had this in years. I have quite the sweet tooth,” he added and Jaq grinned down at him. Sod Max and his muttering, this was worth it.

“What’s this?” he asked and when they looked over, they realised he was holding the tube of Auntie-Cleo’s experimental toothpaste. They’d forgotten they’d chucked it in the box.

Jaq shrugged. “Diet toothpaste, apparently. It’s intended as an appetite suppressant.”

They should have removed that, they thought. Judging by the number of fast-ration pills he had stashed away, they were fairly certain Phineas would make use of the stuff. He was turning the tube in his hands and peering at the miniscule fine print, apparently trying to make out the list of ingredients.

“Ha! Just like the board to try and take away even the simple pleasure of eating. Any time not spent toiling is time wasted in their eyes.”

Jaq raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Though it was a little difficult to tell beneath his lab outfit and jacket, it didn’t seem like there was much in the way of meat on Phineas’ bones.

“Ahh, Phineas? It’s a prototype and probably dangerous so please don’t go using it,” they suggested, trying not to sound patronising. He had already shuffled off though, clutching the tube and heading for a microscope whilst he muttered something about illicit chemicals and greedy corporate sprats. Clearly he was engrossed in a new project and had forgotten they existed.

“Right, I’ll be on my way then,” Jaq muttered under their breath, turning to leave.

Just as they reached the step they heard sudden footsteps and then felt a tug on their sleeve. As they glanced over their shoulder, Phineas’ hand wrapped around their own.

“I’m sorry, that was ungrateful of me. You’ll have to excuse my poor manners, it’s been a very long while since anyone, well . . .” He trailed off and Jaq felt a pang of sadness at that. They might have been floating in space for seventy years but they had been unconscious and unknowing for all of it. Phineas had lived every second of the years he had spent alone.

“Thank you, my friend. For all of this.”

He had such a painfully sincere expression on his face that Jaq didn’t know how to respond. This would all be so much easier if they didn’t always have to part so soon.

“Can’t take down an evil empire on an empty stomach,” they offered, then realised that might have come off more flippant than they had intended and settled their free hand atop where Phineas’ held the other, patting it. “Anyway, you’re welcome. I’ll contact you as soon as I land on Monarch.”

He nodded emphatically in response and held on a moment longer. “Find Nyoka, she’ll be able to help you. Good luck, Jaq.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was on the second day after Jaq and their crew had left for Monarch that Phineas discovered the books.

He had spent the first day running tests on the diet toothpaste, extracting chemicals and smearing it on slides, trying to determine the different components and see if there was any use for it beyond the nefarious purposes of Auntie-Cleo. Unfortunately, there was little to be discerned other than that the board was clearly growing all the more desperate in its pursuit of control over the population. Phineas didn’t need prototype products to tell him that.

He quickly grew tired of the project and by the time evening rolled around on the second day, he realised he had been naturally winding down in anticipation of a call from the Unreliable that wouldn’t come. In an effort to stave off an unexpected wave of loneliness, he decided to draw up a proper inventory of the stock Jaq had brought him.

“Now, what have we got here then?”

Phineas rummaged through the box and began setting items out on the floor beside the crate. Bubbles sniffed around it and more than once he had to push the curious cystipig’s snout away from the stash of mock apples as she attempted to pilfer them.

Before long, he had a pile of tins and packets of various carbohydrate items, the tally of which he began scribbling down on a nearby notepad.

“Let me see, twelve cans of Clive’s Special Boarst, four packets of bred noodles . . . oh, some more Purpleberry bunch, excellent.” He shifted the food stuffs into the growing pile, then dove back into the box, pen tucked behind his ear as he brushed aside cans of gourmet saltuna and fish stix. As he reached the bottom, his fingers met the edge of something that didn’t feel like food. Intrigued, Phineas delved deeper and discovered a collection of thin, apparently brand new paperbacks.

He rose from the floor, the books held out in his hands as he peered down at the gaudy cover art. It looked like something off the posters for those trashy aetherwave serials he recalled his colleagues always chattering about years ago and that he very occasionally, when he had truly run out of anything else to do, managed to hack a signal for.

“The adventures of Captain Cabernacle, pirate extraordinaire.”

Phineas chuckled to himself. Law, what awful nonsense these corporate hacks were pumping out these days. Anything to placate the masses. Had Jaq left these in here for him on purpose? The Captain clearly had terrible taste in reading material.

Quite why the paperbacks ended up on the floor next to his bed, Phineas couldn’t have said. But as he tossed and turned as usual in the darkness, hoping the nightmares might for once leave him in peace, he eventually sat up with a sigh and turned the lights up to a dim, orange glow, nudging the pile of books with his foot. He picked one up, turning it in his hands with a grimace. Well, it might be several thousand words of utter nonsense but maybe it would help lull him to sleep? He settled back in his bunk and began to flick through the pages.

The pirate captain was described as being of strapping build with a dashing smile and Phineas found himself picturing Jaq’s sparky grin before he had even realised it. For the first several chapters, it suited him just fine to imagine his friend as the intrepid pirate who travelled across the system, fighting off marauders and mantiqueens alike. Then the romancing began and suddenly it all became rather uncomfortable.

_“Captain Cabernacle’s hands wandered over the trooper’s body until they reached his belt buckle and slowly began to undo it. The trooper moaned as Cabernacle grasped -”_

Phineas snapped the book shut. He lent back against the wall, swallowing hard and trying to force the image of Jaq from his mind. It had suddenly become very hot under the threadbare blankets he had patched and re-patched over the years. If he could see himself in a mirror he knew the tips of his ears would have been turning red.

The prose was terrible and becoming far too explicit but still, Phineas was a little curious to know how the scenario played out. A blush climbed the back of his neck as he slowly peeled open the pages and after several moments of indecision, continued to read on.

When he finally drifted off to sleep, the dreams came as always, plaguing him, tormenting him, creeping through his unconscious mind. So many faces, so many names. All dead. All lost to the ether. And yet still they were there, calling out to him, reaching for him with frozen hands and blackened fingers. Only this time, something shifted and suddenly it wasn’t the icy touch of the lost colonists wrapping around his arm, but warm, supple hands. Jaq.

The Captain pulled him away from the grasping dead, whispering something to him as they drew back that Phineas couldn’t quite catch. He tried to tug them closer, desperate to hear what it was they wanted to tell him, but Jaq only grinned at him from beneath tousled hair. His heart gave a jolt in his chest.

The scene changed and he realised they were stood in his lab now. The familiar benches were clear of debris and everything appeared much neater than usual. He paid little attention to this though as his Captain released his hands and Phineas felt the loss of their touch immediately. He needed them, needed their warmth. The thought filled him suddenly, desperately and he stepped forward.

Before he could attempt to reach for them again, Jaq’s clothes had shifted from the light armour they usually wore to the extravagant cape and flowing shirt of Captain Cabernacle. It looked faintly ridiculous on them but Phineas found he didn’t care as the newly outfitted Jaq moved towards him, extending their hands. He went to take them but the Captain had other ideas.

_“Phineas.”_

The figure of Jaq whispered his name sending a shiver down his spine as they moved closer. He felt the warmth of their palms suddenly on him again, only this time pressed firmly to his chest. He dared not move lest they leave him again, staying rigid as a statue whilst the Captain’s hands drifted lower, reaching for his belt buckle. There was a clink of metal as it slipped open and he heard himself gasp, the sound swallowed up as their lips crashed to his and he was overwhelmed by the taste of them.

Phineas awoke panting for breath and tangled in sweaty sheets. He lay still for a second, panic and guilt and arousal all warring at once inside him, the sensation twisted in his gut. Jaq’s smiling face still lingered in his mind and he groaned. This could not be happening.

He ran a shaking hand over his jaw. No, he told himself, no this definitely was not happening. He didn’t feel anything like that for his young comrade. They were a friend, an ally. He cared for them and yes, perhaps they were attractive, in their own odd sort of way. But it was nothing more than an objective observation. He didn’t want this, didn’t want them. He couldn’t.

He slipped out from beneath the sheets, willing himself to ignore his body’s reaction to the dream. The need for release still burned hot, low in the pit of his stomach, but it quickly became overwhelmed with shame. Jaq would be horrified if they knew, he thought, rising to his feet and padding barefoot across the floor of his room, heading for the small bathroom.

The harsh light blinked on, throwing shadows across his face as he made his way to the sink and glanced up at the cracked mirror hanging above it. He frowned at the lines and wrinkles, the sags and crevices and bushy grey hair that he saw staring back at him. So many years. So many sleepless nights. So much lost.

It wasn’t about Jaq, he knew. It was just that he had been alone for so long and then that dammed book . . . No, his lonely mind had simply grasped onto the first person who had touched him in decades and projected them onto a stupid fantasy. It was nothing more than that.

“You’re a fool, old man. Get a grip,” he told his reflection brusquely before splashing water on his face to rid himself of any final, lingering thoughts.

Only, when he shut his eyes, Jaq’s face still swam there, seemingly burned into the back of his lids, and the sensation of their mouth on his burst into his mind. He swore his lips prickled at the thought.

Phineas straightened up with a sigh and wearily trudged in the direction of his laboratory. There would be no peace tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

If Terra 2 had been a shock to the system, then Monarch was more like being repeatedly struck by lightning.

From the moment they had landed at Stellar Bay, Jaq had found themselves staring up at the horizon in wonder, watching heavy clouds chase across a purple tinged sky with the enormous, spinning gas giant hulking in the background. The cliffs loomed over them as they had strolled around town attempting to ignore the lingering smell of sulphur and saltuna that clung to every board and brick. They’d never seen anything like this on Earth, or anywhere else they’d been for that matter. It was unsettling and beautiful all at once.

That had been over two weeks ago now and by this point, the sense of awe had worn off and been replaced by a bone deep weariness. Hour after hour trudging through the wilderness and fighting off enemies for every inch of ground had taken its toll.

Jaq shifted against the freezing earth, feeling the rocky outcrop they were leaning back against scrape against the light armour they were wearing. They couldn’t wait to get out of it. The grit and dust had gotten all caught up in the crevices and bit into their skin, the tread on their boots was nearly worn flat from stamping over hard ground and they hadn’t eaten a hot meal since leaving the relative safety of the walls of Stellar Bay far behind. Their new guide assured them it wasn’t much further to Fallbrook but, whilst Jaq would have liked to press on, the need for sleep had overtaken even the most determined members of the crew.

They fought down a yawn and stretched their neck, shuffling and repositioning to try and relieve the ache in their spine. An hour left on watch and then it was Max’s turn. Part of them was relishing the chance to wake the grumpy vicar and take his place on the bedroll, the rest of them was just desperate to get some shut eye.

The sudden quiet cry of something flying past in the dark sent their head snapping up and their hands to their rifle. Jaq glanced around, eyes darting back and forth trying to pierce the inky blackness surrounding them.

“Nothing worth wasting a bullet on,” said the voice of Nyoka from their side. The two of them were sat almost back to back to allow them to keep watch across all angles of the campsite and avoid being snuck up on by bandits or worse. When they glanced over, Jaq could see their newest crew mate hadn’t even bothered to raise her weapon, clearly unconcerned by whatever was circling close by.

Something small swooped past again and they caught a glimpse of a flash of white from the wings of a pteroray before it wheeled around and then drifted off into the night. The Captain relaxed, lowering the rifle but not their gaze. The stars blinked back at them, unfamiliar constellations appearing behind banks of cloud.

They’d loved staring up at the stars from their garden as a kid, laying on their back in the wet grass with their sister and making up stupid names for the clusters they could see until Dad had called them in and chided them for muddying their clothes. They’d always wondered what was up there in the depth of space, would it be better than Earth? Twenty years later, long after the house had been sold, the garden built on and the family moved away, when the lottery for places aboard the Hope had opened up, that curiosity had got the better of them and they’d put in their ballot and waited to see if they could secure a spot.

A satellite passed overhead and Jaq watched the light blinking away as it cut through the sky. The Hope was still up there somewhere, thousands of souls on board, all frozen, all waiting for Phineas to awaken them. The thought of the old scientist left them feeling strangely melancholy. He hadn’t even been born when Jaq had boarded the Hope and set out for a better life and yet, for some reason, he had dedicated himself to helping everyone trapped in the hibernation chambers. The Captain was under no illusions about the fact that it had likely started out as something of an ego trip – the brilliant young man pitting his genius against an apparently unsolvable problem as well as the Board – but it seemed like now he was genuinely committed to saving everyone he could. For the first time in their life, Jaq felt like they had found a cause they were willing to fight for and a person they trusted. The thought filled them with confidence, renewing their flagging energy. It was good to have a purpose and a comrade, even if the person in question was a mad scientist incapable of putting together a square meal.

They grinned in the dark at the memory of their last meeting and wondered if he had attempted any of the recipes they’d given him. Would it be possible to see Phineas’ lab from here? Probably not, they reasoned. It would take a powerful telescope and even then, he was tucked away in the asteroid cluster, hidden and safe. They were grateful for that, even if they did miss the nightly chats.

“Who you thinking about?”

Jaq shifted against the cold ground and glanced over at their crewmate. “Maybe I’m musing on my place in the universe or the incredible complexity of the cosmos.”

Nyoka smirked and swigged from her hip flask. “Nobody goes staring up at the stars all wistful like that unless they’re thinking about somebody else.”

They should have known the sharp-eyed huntress would figure that out.

“A friend.”

She raised a brow at that behind her dreadlocks. “Male friend or female friend?” She smiled again. “Or somewhere in between?”

Jaq snorted a laugh and shook their head. “It’s not like that. I was just thinking on all this mess and how we met. He’s just a colleague, or something along those lines, I guess.”

They weren’t sure that was quite the right term for their relationship with Phineas given he’d essentially press-ganged them into his service and sent them off on one border-line suicidal mission after another. At first, Jaq had blanched at the idea of following the orders of a man they had only just met, but he had a way of making it all seem so desperate and heroic they’d found themselves willingly going along with the plan. The more they had discovered about the workings of the Board, the more certain they were that had been the correct call.

“Sure,” Nyoka replied, a sceptical edge to her voice. “Colleague. Friend. Something else. It can all blur into one at some point in this soul-sucking, back-breaking mess of a system.”

Jaq felt a nudge at their elbow and glanced down to see Nyoka offering the hip flask. They paused. Their aim would take a serious hit if they over indulged and they wouldn’t risk their crew like that. But a single swig on a cold night to warm the belly wouldn’t be so bad.

They accepted the flask and took a tentative sip. Alcohol burnt its way down the back of their throat and Jaq fought back a cough. It wouldn’t do to go alerting any wandering marauders to their presence just because they couldn’t handle their liquor.

Nyoka supressed a snigger and took back the flask, taking a long draw. Her tolerance levels were considerably higher than Jaq’s. The Captain wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or sad for her. No one drank like that for fun.

“Want some advice, Captain?”

“Sure.”

Nyoka looked like she was attempting a smile, though her lips curved into more of a grimace and there was something sombre about the way she glanced over before continuing.

“Sometimes we don’t notice how much someone means to us ‘till their gone. And it’s a cruel fact of life out here in the wilderness that we don’t get much time together. Whatever’s got you looking up at the sky all starry-eyed, whether it’s a friend or a colleague or whatever, well, don’t go leaving investigating that feeling until it’s too late.”

Jaq sat silent for a moment, turning the words over in their mind. There wasn’t really anything to investigate. Phineas was just a friend and it was hardly like they’d made an effort to hide the fact they cared about him. He knew that, or at least Jaq hoped he did.

The sound of crunching gravel cut through their thoughts and Jaq raised their rifle again, finger shifting to the trigger guard as they stared down the iron sight in the direction of the noise. Beside them, Nyoka tensed, and then moved to one knee, following their gaze.

“Marauders at ten o’clock,” Jaq whispered. “I count three.”

“You wanted to pick off the big fella? I’ll take the other two.”

“On my count.”

The sound of the safety clicking off Nyoka’s weapon seemed to catch the attention of the marauder closest to them who was carrying a particularly nasty looking bludgeoning weapon. The sound of their ragged armour clinking together cut through the silence as the figure burst into a dead sprint, heading toward the sleeping figure of Felix.

Jaq didn’t have time to pause and make the count, as their pulse climbed and adrenalin flooded their system, everything slowed to a crawl and they hyper-focused on the target. They didn’t even register pulling the trigger until the marauder’s head snapped back as the round took them between the eyes. After that, everything descended into bloody chaos.

A day later, Jaq trudged up the ramp of Fallbrook landing pad and back aboard the Unreliable, heading for the cockpit. After the row with Max and the fallout from it, they were still too pissed off to be good company to the rest of the crew who were currently enjoying a well-deserved night off together in the Tipsy Sprat. Rather than sit there at the table, a miserable ball of anger dampening everyone’s spirits, the Captain decided to do the only thing they could think of that might improve their mood.

“Hey, ADA, give Phin a call.”

There was a pause before the voice of the computer cut in.

“Captain, it is three-thirty AM local time aboard the orbital lab. Are you certain you would like me to secure a connection with Doctor Welles?”

Jaq winced. How had they not realised that? Of course there would be a time difference.

“No, no, cancel that,” they said, waving a hand in the general direction of the mic ADA’s voice had rung out from. They didn’t want to bother him whilst he was sleeping. Phineas always looked like he could do with more rest than he managed and Jaq wouldn’t be the cause for another shadow under his eyes.

“Connection terminated,” ADA confirmed and Jaq reluctantly turned away from the comms terminal.

Frustration coursed through them. Their body ached too much to go and beat out their indignation at having been lied to on the punching bag hanging in the hold, (one of Nyoka’s much welcome additions to the ship’s interior) and it was too risky to go wandering outside the walls of Fallbrook searching for something to hunt. Besides, they couldn’t afford to waste the rounds. They’d expended far more than expected on the trek over.

They could always get drunk on the steadily growing stash of booze tucked away in the mess, they supposed as they climbed the steps. Even as they considered this, Jaq dismissed the idea and headed to their room, sliding the door shut behind them and collapsing onto the bed. No, they needed a clear head and a decent night’s sleep if they were going to be in any state to continue their search for Hiram tomorrow. Getting wrecked on various varieties of Spectrum Vodka wasn’t going to help with that.

They sighed and began peeling off their boots, dumping them on the floor in a haphazard mess. They were quickly joined by the dusty jacket and over-shirt they’d picked up on Groundbreaker weeks ago, as well as the trousers they hadn’t quite been able to scrub the bloodstains from in the few moments they’d had under the waterfall before Max had turned up and torn into Chaney. Their clothes would need replacing – yet another expense, Jaq thought as they lay back in their bunk atop the thin sheets and stared up at the ceiling, closing their eyes.

They tried to lay still but their limbs felt itchy with frustration. The compulsion to move had them flipping onto their side, testing out the position. When after a few minutes it failed to assist them in drifting off, they rolled to the other side before eventually ending up on their back again. Jaq sighed irritably and opened their eyes. Their whole body thrummed with unsettled energy despite the way every movement reminded them of the bruises and sprains they had picked up. Not for the first time since awakening in Halcyon, they wished they had access to the data files and personal items they had stowed away in the Hope’s cargo hold. Some soothing music would really do the trick right now.

“Hey, ADA?”

“Yes, Captain.”

Damn it was disconcerting the way she was always listening in.

“Do you have any music you could play?”

“I have a selection of Board approved corporate jingles programmed.”

Fuck.

“Ok, forget it. Thanks.”

There was no response to that and Jaq huffed in the silence, absentmindedly running their fingers back and forth across their abdomen where their t-shirt had ridden up. They really did not need to hear yet another rendition of Rizzo’s or Spacer’s Choice’s ridiculous jingles.

Their hand drifted lower and found the edge of their boxers. They bit their lip. There was one pretty sure fire way of helping themselves relax enough to fall asleep.

They ran their thumb under the elastic of the waistband, contemplating. The crew were all either in their bunks or still propping up the bar in the Tipsy Sprat and it was highly unlikely anything would need their attention this late in the evening. They might actually be able to indulge in some guilt free alone time for once. Plus, it was probably a sensible idea to check everything still functioned as it should. Just in case there were any issues. Jaq shut their eyes and slid a hand beneath the soft cotton.

At first, they tried to summon suitable memories to help get them in the mood, but they quickly found themselves spiralling into the depths of regret as the faces of past lovers came to mind. All left behind on Earth. All long since dead.

Jaq paused in their movements and opened their eyes, taking a shaky breath. This wasn’t helping. They needed some kind of material to work with to take their mind off the loneliness. Briefly, they contemplated heading to the hold to see if they still had any of the ridiculous erotica Sublight had tasked them with running to Stellar Bay. It was unlikely. Though a few of the books had mysteriously disappeared on the trip over (Jaq suspected Felix might have been at them but didn’t have the heart to embarrass him by asking), the rest of the stock had been dropped off upon arrival on Monarch.

Besides, they thought, that stuff was so ridiculous it probably wouldn’t help. They’d briefly flicked through the books when they’d first taken them aboard, sniggering at the descriptions and rolling their eyes before tossing them back in the box by the work bench and forgetting about them. Still, it would have been better than nothing.

Growing more frustrated by the second, they glanced around the room, seeking inspiration in the images of muscled tossball players adorning the walls. Felix and Max had both donated posters of their preferred teams and Jaq had gratefully accepted them in an effort to make the room seem a little less spartan. As their gaze fell upon the grinning face of the Rizzo’s Rangers’ particularly handsome fifth-back, Jaq suddenly found their attention drifting instead to the wanted poster tacked up beside it, their eyes meeting the soft grey of the likeness of Phineas Welles.

A jolt of sudden, sharp desire went through them. Jaq froze, swallowing hard. That was . . . odd.

They didn’t look away for a moment, holding the gaze of the image of their colleague and testing out the strange sensation of warmth that pooled low in their stomach. It was soothing and anticipatory all at once. They moved their hand again, slow and exploratory, but a flash of guilt and discomfort hit them as the tension built in their groin. This was wrong, they thought, halting again. Phineas was their friend - their rescuer. There was no way he would think of them as anything more than a trusted comrade and they shouldn’t be thinking anything else of him. That didn’t stop the curiously urgent sense of need they felt when they looked up the image of the old scientist.

Jaq was under no illusions about Phineas’ age. The man was technically old enough to be their father, had they not in fact been born a considerable while before him. But then the strange reality of their situation was that they were one hundred and four themselves and therefore significantly older than him. Did that make it alright to consider the sharp angle of his cheek bones and the surprising fullness of his lips and find his features more attractive than they had expected?

They took another slow breath in, trying to steady their pulse. What had Nyoka said about investigating things before it was too late? There was a definite frisson of energy building inside them as they continued to gaze at the poster and consider what it would feel like to trace the lines of that face and taste those lips. They could just imagine it, almost . . .

Jaq tore their gaze away from the image of the scientist. This was definitely exploring a bit more than they were comfortable with. How on earth would they be able to look him in the eye the next time they saw him if they went through with this?

Struggling against this new found desire, the Captain gave up. They would just have to lie here atop the sheets, counting sprats until they finally calmed down enough to fall into a fitful sleep.

With a ripple of tension still humming through them, they shut their eyes and tried to push the thought of Phineas aside.


	8. Chapter 8

Almost five weeks passed before Jaq was finally able to leave Monarch. They knew the task ahead of them was a monumental one, but after brokering a peace treaty between MSI and the Iconclasts, finding Hiram, clearing out nests of Mantiqueens and managing a desperate, mad dash through Cascadia, they were starting to feel like they might actually be capable of accomplishing it. As such, they were feeling unusually chipper when they strolled down the landing ramp of the Unreliable and into the docking bay of the orbital lab.

The smell of ozone and chemical hit them the moment their boots struck the gangway and their previous good mood faded to sudden concern.

“Phineas?” they called, speeding up and placing one hand on the pistol tucked into the holster at their hip. “Everything alright?”

There was no response. Jaq briefly considered turning and calling for backup from the rest of the crew but remembering Phineas’ discomfort around others, they decided to press on alone. They could always shout for help if necessary. They shouldered their rucksack and hurried towards the doorway, a blanket of worry settling over them.

The scientist had seemed distracted on their calls of late. They had been sporadic and short-lived during Jaq’s spell on Monarch, the two of them only able to snatch the odd moment to talk between the more pressing issues they both had to attend to. Jaq realised they had come to treasure those brief few minutes spent together, even if they had found it a little difficult to hold his gaze on that first call after the night in Fallbrook. If something had happened to him . . . well, it wasn’t worth dwelling on.

The smell of burning became stronger as the Captain stepped over the fraying welcome mat and took the stairs two at a time. Nothing was obviously out of place in the lab, the same specimens stared back at them, dead-eyed from behind bubbling tanks, and the usual mass of datapads and notes, test tubes, wiring, and vials of unidentifiable chemicals were all still there as ever. But the silence hung heavy in the chill air and they broke into a jog as they slipped inside the door to the secure lab, behind the bulletproof glass.

“Phin?”

Still nothing.

Jaq’s pulse was climbing and the sudden blurring of the vision at the corner of their eyes let them know the time dilation effect was hovering just on the edge of being triggered. It didn’t quite kick in though, and they noticed there was an edge of something bitter yet aromatic about the scent hanging in the air. They followed it down the corridor and towards where they assumed Phineas’ living space must be.

The source of the smell became apparent as they stepped through an open doorway and into a tiny kitchen. Smoke was drifting upwards from the insides of a stove, the panel at the front torn away to reveal a mess of tangled wiring. Besides the stove, burnt coffee ground was being hastily dumped into a bin by an extremely irritated looking Phineas Welles dressed in a rather fetching pair of chequered pyjama trousers.

Just pyjama trousers. Well, that was interesting.

“What are you doing?” Jaq blurted. The relief that had crashed over them at the sight of him unharmed suddenly superseded by confusion and a curious pressure in their chest. Their pulse hadn’t quite returned to normal yet.

Phineas jumped, nearly dropping the coffee pot as he span around on the spot to face them, his eyes wide in shock. He blinked twice in confusion, his gaze straying to where their hand was still resting over their pistol. Jaq removed it.

“What am I . . ? What in the name of the Architect are you doing here?”

He must not have heard his security systems announcing that the Unreliable had docked, they assumed. Perhaps it wasn’t working correctly? The thought concerned them and they frowned over at the scientist, ready to enquire about the workings of his lab’s defences until their gaze landed on his bare chest and Jaq found the words died in their throat.

The man definitely needed to eat more. The sharp lines of his collarbones stood out against the palest skin Jaq had ever laid eyes on. Which made sense, of course, he couldn’t have seen sunlight for decades. They would get him some vitamin tablets on the next stopover at Groundbreaker, Jaq thought, even as they noted the soft dusting of grey hair fading to white on his chest and followed the stark ridges of his ribs down to the soft curve of his belly. An unexpected warmth flushed their cheeks. Phineas might be old and in need of a square meal but the years had been kind to him.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and folded his arms across his chest in what Jaq got the impression was a defensive gesture. They averted their eyes so as not to make him uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” they mumbled, suddenly feeling guilty for having intruded on his privacy. “I could smell burning. I was worried something had happened to you.”

Phineas’ confused scowl softened at that.

“I was just making coffee and then . . . well . . .” He shrugged, the movement highlighting his thin frame. Jaq felt an overwhelming urge to enfold him in their arms and ensure he was warm enough. The feeling caught them off guard and they almost took a step towards him. But Phineas kept his arms wrapped around his body, shielding himself from view, and rather than cause him any more discomfort, Jaq marched to the stove, doing their best not to cut a sidelong glance at him when they passed.

Phineas shuffled a step back as they crouched in front of the kitchen unit, peering intently at the exposed innards of the stove.

“Fucking hell, this wiring’s all burnt out. What the hell is this cable doing here?” They plucked at a thin red wire that had frayed open and was sparking at random intervals. How any of this mess had ever passed an electrical safety inspection they would never know.

“I’ll have you know I am a scientist, not an electrician,” Phineas replied haughtily from above them.

Jaq looked up at him, careful to keep their eyes on his rather than anywhere else, and smirked.

“Good job I am then.”

He gave a snort at that but didn’t argue when they delved into the wiring and began tracing it back to its power source.

“I’ll . . . uhh, well . . . I’ll just go and find something more appropriate to wear.”

Jaq didn’t bother removing their head from the mess of cables and heard his shuffling footsteps as he left the room.

It didn’t take long to solve the problem. It really wasn’t all that complicated and though he might not have quite the right expertise to fix the issue himself, Phineas did have plenty of useful tools lying around in odd places.

Once Jaq had ensured he wouldn’t go electrocuting himself or burning down the entire Orbital lab the next time he attempted to make breakfast, they straightened up and fixed a fresh pot of coffee. It sat brewing on the side whilst they waited for Phineas’ return and in the meantime, Jaq found themselves idly strolling around the room, inspecting his personal space.

Phineas was a packrat, that much was clear. Every conceivable surface was covered in odds and ends the same as his laboratory. He must continue his work whilst he ate, they thought, as a stack of notebooks covered in barely legible scribbles took up half of the small table.

Perched atop the pile, they spotted a dog-eared paperback. Jaq picked it up, amused to discover it was one of the books Sublight had tasked them with delivering to Stellar Bay. So that was where they had ended up. They must have dropped them into Phin’s box of supplies when they’d dumped the cargo in the hold.

They flicked through the pages, pausing at a particularly well-thumbed section. The dashing Captain Cabernacle had arrived at a top-secret research facility and, in an attempt to secure a prototype weapon, was engaged in seducing the lead scientist.

They were getting quite into the scene by the time Phineas returned. He seemed to have attempted to run a comb through his perpetually wild hair and was dressed in his usual attire of lab coat and cracked leather jacket that made him look one part rogue-criminal, two parts mad scientist. Jaq gave him a grin and held up the book.

“I nearly accused Felix of pilfering these. Any good?”

They watched as Phineas’ registered what they were reading and his eyes widened a touch. It wasn’t lost on Jaq that he seemed to deliberately avoid their gaze, instead, crossing to the counter to help himself to coffee.

“It err . . . well, it has its moments,” Phineas replied before taking a long swallow from his mug. Was he blushing?

“Anyway, was there a reason for this visit?”

Jaq ignored his brusque tone, knowing there was no real bite to it, and decided to run with the change of subject.

They unslung their backpack from their shoulder, setting it down on the floor before rummaging inside.

Phineas gulped down his coffee, desperate for the clarity inducing kick of caffeine. He truly was relieved to see Jaq, unharmed and apparently making themselves at home in his kitchen, but the shock of having them appear unexpectedly and whilst he had been in a state of dress hardly befitting visitors had left him feeling edgy. It had all been uncomfortably reminiscent of the beginning of a particularly clichéd romance scene in the trashy novels he’d found himself returning to when bored or feeling especially lonely. Which seemed more often than usual these days.

Jaq had not been particuarly subtle in their looking and when he’d noted his young colleague’s gaze wandering across his body, Phineas had found himself feeling desperately exposed. He was under no illusions as to what he looked like and he knew it was hardly the stuff of romantic fantasy. He’d caught the concern in their eyes and it left him feeling strangely empty even as he knew he should be grateful to have someone, anyone, in this law-forsaken universe give a damn about him.

Currently, though, Jaq was focused on hunting through the tatty backpack they had been hauling around since Edgewater and Phineas found his curiosity beat out discomfort as he shuffled closer, peering down at them as they produced something with a triumphant grin.

“Picked this up on Monarch,” Jaq said, holding up a bizarre looking weapon. “Thought you might want to take a look at it.”

Phineas accepted the weapon cautiously, turning it over in his hands. In most aspects it looked much like any other rifle, only the barrel was shaped strangely and topped off with something akin to a tiny satellite dish. Whatever it was, it was definitely not designed to fire the usual rounds Jaq carried.

“It’s some sort of mind-control ray.”

Phineas scoffed at that. It hardly seemed likely. Though, he supposed, if one were to set the frequency just right, it might interrupt the firing of the synaptic nerves to such an extent that one might become confused . . . Hmmm, yes, it was possible, in theory.

Jaq had launched into an explanation of how they came across the device and, though it all sounded very daring, Phineas’ brain was already ticking through the possibilities for how the weapon might work. He nodded along as they continued to speak, following him down the corridor towards his lab as he made for a workbench and cleared a space.

It was only when Jaq laughed and spoke his name that Phineas glanced up, noting they had sat themselves beside him, perched just on the edge of the flat surface of the bench top.

“I’m sorry?”

Jaq rolled their eyes but gave him what was an unmistakably affectionate smile. Phineas felt his heart leap in his chest. It was the same look they gave him in the dreams that had plagued him over the last few weeks. He swallowed hard and tried to forget what usually happened next in those same dreams.

“I asked if you needed any more supplies, when I head to Groundbreaker?” they said, still smiling down at him. Phineas caught the scent of mock apple and soap, an Auntie-Cleo product if he remembered right, and a hint of faded gunpowder. It was a scent he associated with Jaq and one that had drifted through his unconscious mind most nights.

He cleared his throat, trying to ignore the thought.

“Some more of that cereal, if you don’t mind,” he replied, turning his attention back to the weapon in his hands. If he could just detach that side panel, he was certain he would be able to get a good look at the power source.

“How about some fresh ingredients,” Jaq said, shifting on the bench so they were almost leant over where he was focused on undoing the tiny screws. Phineas tried to ignore their presence but found it was disarming having someone scrutinising him whilst he worked.

“Have you tried cooking an actual meal yet?” they asked and Phineas sighed but did not otherwise respond. Whilst he knew their concern was kind-hearted, he couldn’t help but assume that comment was prompted by the brief look they had got at his thin frame. The thought was a disheartening one.

It was only when he felt a nudge at his shoulder that nearly dislodged the tool he was handling that he looked up again and shot Jaq an irritable scowl.

“I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, Jaq. I have lasted this long after all. I simply do not have the time to indulge in cooking every day. Now, if you are quite finished chastising me, might I finish what I'm doing?”

Though Jaq was still wearing a smile, Phineas noted the way their expression shifted, their eyes tightening, brows knitting together a touch.

“You know,” they started, and he could tell they were picking their words cautiously. “Parvati cooks a lot of my meals, with Felix’s help. And they both keep the ship running when I’m too tired from whatever job we’ve taken on to scrape some bits together. I’m good with electrical stuff but not coding, so Max takes care of anything we need extracted from computers, Nyoka watches my back in a fight and Ellie patches us all up when we need it.”

Jaq rubbed the back of their neck then shrugged.

“What I’m saying, Phin, is I have a whole crew looking out for me. I’m just trying to make sure you get the same support.”

The sudden warmth that spread through Phineas’ chest was somewhat tempered by embarrassment. He had over-reacted, he knew that. Whether it was through being unused to having someone else in his space and distracting him whilst he worked or his own hull-headed pride, he wasn’t sure, but either way, he knew he owed them an apology.

Before he could open his mouth to offer an explanation, Jaq jumped down from the work bench, their boots clattering as they hit the panels, though the sound did not hide the hiss of pain that escaped their lips. Phineas felt his chest constrict as they grimaced and clutched at their side.

“Jaq?”

He dropped the screwdriver he’d been holding, discarding it on the work bench just as he caught sight of a steadily growing crimson stain blossoming under their fingers.

“You’re hurt!” he exclaimed in dismay.

“I’m fine,” Jaq replied, though they did not move away when he took a step towards them. “I just ripped the stitches, that’s all.”

Phineas could only stare in horror as they raised the hem of their shirt, now sodden with blood, to reveal a deep, ugly gash that ran from their abdomen up to their ribs. The ragged edges of the wound were barely held together by stitches and in the centre, a few inches above their hip bone, the neat knot of sutures had torn open completely. The tissue surrounding the wound was swollen and bruised a dark, angry purple that reminded him of the tropical storm clouds of Terra 2. He could well imagine the violence that would have caused an injury like this and the pain that would have accompanied it.

“Hold on, let me find something to stop the bleeding.”

Jaq’s face was still contorted in discomfort as Phineas turned away and he hurried to dig out one of the many first aid kits he kept scattered around the lab. It was always best to have one close to hand. He had learnt that lesson the hard way over the years.

With the kit tucked under his arm, Phineas returned to his friend who was now leaning back against the workbench again and probing at the wound with their fingers. The bleeding seemed to have mostly slowed on its own but Phineas still reached into the kit, digging out a sterile pad. He tore it out of its protective packaging and pressed it into place against their skin.

“Here, hold that still a moment.”

Jaq followed his instructions, pressing their fingers to the pad to keep it in place whilst he secured the dressing with a few strips of medical adhesive. Once that was done, Phineas inspected his handiwork. It was a temporary fix but at least it would keep the wound clean and stem the bleeding.

“That should hold until you get back to the ship and then hopefully Miss Fenhill can do a better job of your stitches than she did the first time,” he said. Jaq just gave him a grateful nod that was somewhat undermined by another grimace when they went to straighten up.

Phineas glanced down at the wound once more. That bruising really did look very sore.

“Let me see about getting you some ointment,” he offered, turning back to the kit and rifling through its contents.

He’d not had need of a soothing balm in quite some time and he hoped he hadn’t forgotten to re-stock. Luckily, there was still a tub of it sat half used at the bottom of the kit. Phineas unscrewed the lid as he approached where Jaq stood, still holding their shirt up out of the way of the injury. The smell of lavender tinged antiseptic filled the air when he set the jar down beside them and Jaq wrinkled their nose at the scent but didn’t complain.

“This should bring down the swelling and numb the pain,” he explained, taking a small scoop of ointment onto his fingers and gently rubbing into their skin as cautiously as he could manage.

Jaq squirmed under his hands and Phineas glanced up, alarmed by their sudden movements. Had he pressed too hard and hurt them? Did they not want him to touch them? Oh, law, he really should have just handed the jar to them to administer it themselves.

“Would you rather - ?”

“It’s fine, carry on,” they replied quickly. Phineas blinked twice and hesitated, then began rubbing the cream into Jaq’s skin again.

Once more, they shifted, this time biting their lip and almost pulling away from him. They’d told him to continue, what in the name of the architect was the matter?

“Stop moving, you’ll pull another stitch out.”

“It’s cold,” Jaq complained and Phineas frowned up at them.

“Well, if you’ll just hold still I’ll get it done quicker,” he pointed out, trying his best to both speed up the process and not hurt them.

“Your hands are freezing!”

They shivered in what he considered an unnecessarily dramatic fashion for someone who had been walking around with a gaping wound in their side only minutes ago.

“Law, Jaq, you were a better patient when you were frozen solid,” he chided.

“Yeah, well it feels like your fingers are,” they shot back, and then, before he had fully registered what they were doing, Jaq released their hold on the hem of their shirt and reached for his hands, trapping them between their own and pressing them together. Phineas really did freeze at that moment, suddenly rooted to the spot as he felt Jaq’s fingers begin to knead at his own.

As he stared down at their conjoined hands, Phineas couldn’t help but note the contrast. Jaq’s hands were smaller than his own, their fingers shorter, their palms more compact. And yet, despite how gently they touched him now, he could feel the strength in them - more used to gripping a gun or the handle of plasma cutter than soothing aching joints. Their skin was faintly tanned and reddened in places, covered in small cuts and grazes. His own looked thin and worn, almost papery in comparison, he thought sadly. Then Jaq’s palms closed over them and he found he didn’t care so much about the way they looked as his friend continued their ministrations.

“Soft.”

“Hey?”

Phineas hadn’t realised he’d said that aloud until Jaq looked at him in confusion. He glanced away, feeling the warmth rise up his neck to the tips of his ears.

“Your hands,” he clarified. “I always imagined – I mean, assumed, err . . .” Oh, law he was stammering. He cleared his throat in an attempt to gain some semblance of control.

“I had assumed your hands would be rough. Because of your work and all the fighting.”

“Oh, right.”

Jaq seemed a little uncertain about how to take that. They looked down at their joined hands and for a second, Phineas thought he had stupidly ruined the moment and that they would awkwardly withdraw and make their excuses to leave.

Only they didn’t. Instead, Jaq continued to knead at his knuckles and sweep their thumbs back and forth across his skin, smiling eyes holding his own through a mop of dark hair. It had gotten long enough now that it was curling about their ears. He wondered if it always looked that tousled or if it was some sort of product they used. He imagined them stood before the mirror each morning, running their fingers through the soft strands and teasing it into the roguish windswept mop that probably captured the attention of every dashing young spacer or burly outlaw they met. Phineas swallowed. What would it feel like if he were to reach out and run his own fingers through it?

“Feeling any warmer?”

He was, but perhaps not in the manner they meant. He nodded all the same and Jaq looked surprisingly pleased about that.

He opened his mouth to thank them but only managed to get halfway through the word before a loud voice interrupted him, splitting the quiet of the lab.

“Why in the sprat fuck hell does it smell of medical-grade alcohol and burnt copper in here? Did something explo – woah!”

Both their heads snapped up at the same time to see Ellie Fenhill leaning casually against the doorframe, a look of wide-eyed surprise on her face that left her slack-jawed for a second before she seemed to quickly recover and slipped into a knowing smirk.

“Okay . . . I am clearly interrupting something,” the ship’s resident sawbones quipped.

Jaq released Phineas' hands quickly and the sudden loss of their touch was jarring, leaving him feeling strangely empty and unmoored.

“Phineas was just patching me up,” Jaq hastily replied. The discomfort in their voice was clear and he tried not to flinch at it. Were they ashamed to be caught touching him like this?

“Sure,” Ellie replied, the word dripping sarcasm. She shot her Captain a wink and a ridiculous finger guns gesture before turning on her heel. “See you back on the ship.”

As the sound of footsteps on metal faded, they both stood in awkward silence, suddenly barely able to meet each other’s eye. Jaq rubbed the back of their neck and Phineas shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncertain what to say. Eventually, Jaq solved the problem for him, laughing under their breath and straightening up from where they had been lent against the workbench.

“So, I should probably get going.”

Despite the forced grin, there was a hesitation to their words that Phineas didn’t quite know how best to process. There were so many possibilities for why they might be looking at him reluctantly, a faint red tinge to their cheekbones. He needed time to consider all of this, to puzzle it out in the silence of his lab.

He nodded.

“Yes, of course. Time is of the essence, as ever.”

Before they could walk past him though, Phineas reached for the tub of ointment, nearly fumbling the lid in his haste to get it screwed on.

“Here.” He pressed it into Jaq’s hands, closing them around it and squeezing gently. “Take this with you. Apply it twice a day, morning and night, and that should help with the swelling.”

Logically, he knew they likely had something similar back aboard the Unreliable, but it felt right to gift it to them after everything they had done for him so far. A small gesture of thanks for the risks they were taking.

“Thanks, Phin,” Jaq replied, their voice surprisingly quiet. “I’ll be back soon. And I won’t forget your cereal.”

The puff of laughter that bubbled out of him in response seemed to finally break the tension and he released their hands, giving them a final smile before they left the lab.

As he watched the figure of Jaq disappear up the gangway, Phineas was uncomfortably aware that his dreams tonight would be full of the scent of lavender tinted ointment and burnt coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this ended up a whole lot longer than expected but I was having too much fun with the two of them.


	9. Chapter 9

Jaq’s knuckles turned white as they gripped the edge of the bench and the needle pierced their side sending a shock of pain lancing through them. They swore under their breath.

“Shouldn’t take too long, Cap,” Ellie said, her eyes focused on the wound and her hands deftly tugging the thread through Jaq’s skin. Jaq only nodded and bit back another curse. Their eyes watered.

The sounds of the Unreliable in flight filled their ears; the drone of the engine, the crackle of static as ADA relayed status updates through the mic fitted in the wall of the hold, a distinct rattling coming from somewhere under the hull. They would have to remember to look into that when they docked at Groundbreaker they thought, then swore again at another bite of the needle.

“So, you and the Doc, huh?” Ellie said, her words cutting through the pain.

Jaq glanced down to see the sawbones neatly tying off a stitch. She quirked an eyebrow and smirked as she completed it and then moved to the next.

“No,” they replied flatly.

 _Yes_ , a voice whispered in the back of their mind. _Yes, please._

That voice had been present for weeks now, getting a little louder every time they thought of him, growing stronger each time they spoke via the secure connection. Jaq tried to ignore it. It was ridiculous, really. Just a stupid distraction when they should be focused on finding the chemical and saving the lost colonists. They did not have a crush on Phineas Welles. Definitely not.

“Sure about that?” Ellie asked, giving a sharp pull that had Jaq almost gasping at the pain. The surgeon turned pirate could do with working on her bedside manner, they thought.

“Because the two of you looked pretty cosy back there,” she continued.

Jaq suspected Ellie was attempting to distract from the discomfort of the stitching process but that didn’t stop the heat of a blush rising up the back of their neck. They rubbed at it, remembering the hint of red about Phineas’ ears when they’d taken his hands, the way he’d looked down in shock and then seemed to lean into their touch. The way he’d look up at them with those grey, haunted eyes.

Oh, shit. They’d always been a sucker for sad eyes.

“He had cold hands,” Jaq explained, trying to ignore the nagging voice in the back of their head that was reminding them how nice those hands had felt gently rubbing ointment into their skin in small circles. Another piercing pain drove the thought away.

Ellie sniggered. “Oh yeah? It definitely looked like the two of you were heating things up. Little early morning experiment in the lab with -”

“He’s a friend,” Jaq cut in before she could take that thought any further. “He was taking care of me, I was looking out for him. It’s as simple as that.”

Ellie shrugged and tied off the last stitch, snipping the thread short with a tiny pair of surgical scissors.

“There are no friends in this system, only people we take what we need from. Everything’s a transaction in Halcyon,” she replied and Jaq bristled at the cynicism of their crewmate.

“That’s bullshit, Ellie and you know it,” they said through gritted teeth whilst the sealed wound was wiped down once more with alcohol gel. It stung but it wasn’t half as bad as the stitching process. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here patching me up now.”

“I’m here because I owe you,” she reminded them, then grinned. “And because you seem to always stumble across a good fight and even better bounty.” The ship’s resident surgeon deposited her tools back in her medical kit and wiped off her hands. “Come on, Jaq. You’re a badass space Captain and I signed up to serve on your outlaw crew while we cruise across the galaxy making bits and busting heads. Don’t go getting all sentimental on me.”

Jaq rolled down their shirt, staring at the bloodstain that was rapidly drying to a coppery mess on the cotton. They’d picked up the wound from the business end of a Marauder’s sabre whilst raiding the old Rizzo’s lab in Cascadia. The rest of the crew had been hesitant to make the trip into the secret research facility but they’d followed their Captain all the same, whether out of loyalty or for the adventure or simply the promise of bits, Jaq wasn’t really sure. Maybe Ellie was right. After all, Phineas had woken them up to do a job for him, that was the only reason they were standing here now aboard the Unreliable as it hurtled through space. It was the only reason they were alive at all.

They straightened up, bracing themselves against the rocking of the ship as ADA announced they were decelerating on approach to Groundbreaker. Jaq nodded their thanks to Ellie and made their way back to their room, peeling off the ruined shirt and searching for something half-way clean to wear whilst they went about their business aboard the old colony ship.

Besides, they thought as they dug out a fresh set of clothes, even if they did, maybe, possibly, have something of a tiny crush on Phineas, there was probably some sort of ethical rule against scientists getting involved with their test subjects. And even if there wasn’t, it didn’t seem likely the man would want anything beyond a convenient friendship from them anyway. He was a genius scientist who’d spent thirty-five years on the run from the Board whilst trying to save thousands of lives. They were an electrical technician with passable aim and a bull-headed desire to survive. And they’d boarded the Hope running from themselves, not out of any heroic selflessness.

Jaq glanced up at the wanted poster on the wall and gave a grunt at the flare of pain in their side from the sudden movement. No, there would be nothing else between them and Phineas. They’d help him unfreeze the rest of their fellow colonists and once he was surrounded by the brightest minds Earth had to offer, they were sure he wouldn’t have any need of them anymore.

Phineas did not have a crush.

Definitely, categorically, absolutely certainly not.

Crushes were silly, frivolous things and he did not have time for them, he told himself as he tinkered away with the ray-gun Jaq had brought him. He worked methodically, stripping down the parts one bolt at a time, cataloguing each nut and screw, making meticulous notes as he went. No, crushes were for younger people – people with their whole lives ahead of them. Not worn out old scientists who’d left any chance of romance or companionship behind them decades ago.

Crushes were for people like Jaq, he thought, peering inside the chamber of the weapon. Young, attractive, whole people, full of joy and hope and energy. People with soft hands and warm smiles and eyes that promised a future he could not be a part of.

He ran a swab around the barrel. There was some sort of odd residue left behind, perhaps by the energy source? Hmm, now where had that set of slides gone?

He dug around in the detritus beside him, nudging aside the first aid kit he’d pulled out to help Jaq. As he continued his search, Phineas tried to ignore that strange knot in his stomach that seemed to tighten every time he thought of them.

It was all just chemicals and hormones and synapses firing in response to external stimuli. When his heart skipped a beat in their presence it was simply because he wasn’t used to having people around and it triggered off a social anxiety he had long forgotten. That or he was perhaps consuming a little too much caffeine – Jaq had mentioned that once or twice.

“Aha!”

He pulled out the set of slides and shuffled over to the microscope close to a tank holding a floating raptidon. Its teeth gleamed under the harsh fluorescent light of the lab and he wondered how many of its kind Jaq had fought off. Perhaps one of them had been responsible for the wound, though it did look a little too clean a slash for an animal’s claw. Well, if he could just get this ray working at full power then it should help his friend avoid any further injuries. That was the most important thing – ensuring they were fit and well enough to secure the chemical and help him revive the colonists. There was far too much at stake for something as self-indulgent as a crush.

He deposited some of the residue on the glass slide and positioned it under the microscope, fiddling with the dials to try and get the focus just right. He could really do with replacing this microscope, he thought. In fact, now he considered it, most of his lab equipment was several years past its best. He wondered whether Jaq might be able to procure him some new kit. They were good at that, finding things for him, supporting his cause.

Not that he’d given them much choice of course. He’d pressed them into his service and they’d admirably stepped up to every challenge he’d thrown their way. They were quite the hero, he thought with a smile that faded almost as soon as it touched his lips.

Yes, they were a dashing space Captain and when this was all done and they no longer needed to run the errands of an old man confined to his prison, they would be able to make their own way in the system and he would be left alone again. That knot in his stomach tightened painfully at the thought.

“Damn and blast,” he muttered under his breath. Alright, perhaps he might be experiencing some kind of hormone-induced light-headedness when he pictured them standing here in the lab, grasping his hands and grinning at him it that disarmingly confident manner they had. But it was all nonsense, all just a distraction. Jaq was his friend and that was all they would ever be and he could be grateful for that.

Phineas sighed and refocused the dial.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some spoilers for Max's questline in this chapter

The burn of Spectrum red was warm and comforting in the back of her throat and Nyoka savoured it as she swallowed. She might be a thousand miles from Monarch and hurtling through space on a ship that rattled and lurched as much as you’d expect for a rust bucket named the Unreliable, but she still had her booze and she still had her weapon and now she had a whole new crew. It was no replacement for what she'd lost, but life was pretty good. Or as good as it could be in Halcyon these days, anyway.

She could hear said crew as she sat on the thin sheets in her bunk and counted out rounds of ammo. Parvati and Felix were chattering away, kicking back in his room as they watched some trashy aetherwave show and ate cereal – leftovers from the stash the Captain had picked up on a run to Groundbreaker for the Doc. The two of them were laughing and gasping in turn, a cosy counterpoint to the low voices of Max and Ellie in the mess where the ship’s resident surgeon was playing her favourite game of wind-up-the-vicar. Nyoka smirked at Max’s grumbling and took another swig.

“Nyoka, the Captain has requested your presence in the cockpit.”

ADA’s voice cut through the peace of early evening on the ship and Nyoka frowned up at the mic on the wall. The navigation computer’s flat, mechanical tone unnerved her sometimes. There was something wholly unnatural about the way it spoke and yet so oddly familiar at the same time. There was way too much snark in there for something supposedly incapable of emotion.

“What for?” she called back.

“The Captain did not say.”

Nyoka sighed and took a final swig before she set the bottle down on the floor, wedged between her backpack and the bunk to protect against spillage. They were still a day out from Scylla and would be keeping up this pace until the asteroid came into sight, but she had quickly learnt the Unreliable could be prone to sudden, erratic manoeuvres that would send anything unsecured flying at unsuspecting crewmates. She suspected ADA did it on purpose.

She strode down the hallway, sidestepping where the hulking figure of the SAM unit was scrubbing at some unspecified spillage, and descended the stairs.

The Captain was lounging in the chair in front of the comms terminal and chatting away with Doctor Welles when she entered the cockpit. At the sound of her boots, they pressed their foot against the dash to spin themselves around and throw her a crooked grin as she greeted them.

“Evenin’ Cap. What’s up?”

Jaq rose to their feet, their movements a little awkward as they were still recovering from their injury. Nyoka could sympathise. None of them had made it off Monarch totally unscathed, but then who did?

“Phin wants to talk to you.”

She cocked a brow at that and glanced past Jaq to the screen. Welles was sat silently before his own terminal, a strangely conspiratorial look on his face when he returned her gaze that had Nyoka wondering what this could possibly be about. She’d worked for the man for years – albeit without ever seeing his face and always via messages relayed through Hiram – and though he was full of secrets, she couldn’t think of any reason he’d want to share something with her and not the Captain.

Confused and more than little wary, Nyoka looked back to the Captain. Jaq just shrugged and moved aside, offering the empty chair up to her before heading for the open door.

“Night, Phin,” the Captain called over their shoulder as Nyoka slipped into the seat. She supressed a smile at the warmth in her Captain’s voice and glanced at the screen to see Welles’ gaze following them from the room.

“Goodnight, Jaq,” he replied. His expression was curiously wistful and a part of Nyoka that she’d tried to quiet with alcohol recognised that look. She shoved it aside. She didn’t need to go dredging up her own losses by way of the old scientist’s clear affection for Jaq.

“So, how can I help, Doc?” she prompted.

Welles cleared his throat and sat a little straighter in his seat, turning his attention to her, all business now.

“Right, yes. I wanted to enquire as to your plans for Thursday.”

Nyoka blinked at him in confusion. Thursday? What the hell was happening Thursday? How did you even calculate when Thursday was out in the depths of space?

Phineas’ face fell into a scowl at her reaction and Nyoka wracked her brains. Maybe that spectrum red had hit her a bit harder than she’d thought as nothing was coming to mind.

“For Jaq’s – for your Captain’s birthday,” Phineas said with a touch of impatience to his tone, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

 _Oh._ Nyoka shook her head slowly, the Captain definitely hadn’t mentioned that. She was sure of it, even if her head was a little fuzzy at this point.

Welles made an indignant noise and Nyoka folded her arms. How was she supposed to know it was Jaq’s birthday? Hell, she barely knew anything about the Captain at all beyond the fact they were good in a fight, could be relied upon to have her back when things went to hell and had some big, dumb heroic quest they were determined to see through. Nyoka respected Jaq and that was all she’d needed to follow them aboard the Unreliable – everything else was surplus to requirements.

And besides, who even celebrated birthday’s in Halcyon? Beyond the additional half-hour corporate-mandated break time, of course.

“How old they gonna be?”

“Thirty-five,” Welles replied, then he frowned, his bushy grey brows knitting together in thought. “Or, one hundred and five, depending on how you look at it. Anyway, that doesn’t matter. What matters is it’s the first one they’ve had since waking up here in the system. The first since they left Earth.”

His expression grew more solemn and Nyoka suddenly understood. It would be the first one the Captain experienced alone, separated from friends and family and whatever life they’d had back home.

“I’d like to ensure it’s a happy one,” Phineas continued, a little quieter now. “As much as is possible, anyway. Perhaps you and the crew could organise something?”

His expression was both expectant and hopeful, and Nyoka found herself wondering once more what the precise nature of the relationship between Welles and the Captain was. Ellie had cracked some joke the other day about the two being “handsy” in the lab, but she’d assumed that was just the sawbones trying to wind Jaq up. Maybe there was something more to it than late-night chats about politics and a mutual distaste for authority.

Nyoka nodded to the scientist and he finally cracked a smile. She didn’t know much about happy herself, but a party? Well, that she could handle and she was pretty damn certain the rest of the crew could too. Even the vicar was likely to get involved since he and Jaq had made up after the incident in Fallbrook.

“Alright, Doc,” she replied. “I’ll see what I can throw together.”

Jaq grunted and winced as the metal grating pressed into their side. The heat radiating off the whirring engine at their back was causing a steady stream of sweat to trickle down their chest and their fingers were growing slippery as they attempted to grip the cable and a pair of pliers. They took a breath and wiped their hands off on their shirt. If they fucked this up, they were going to end up electrocuted and that didn’t seem a great way to die. Especially not on their birthday.

They’d been lying on the floor with the side panel off the electrics for near an hour now as they attempted to figure out why the power to the air scrubbers in the hold seemed to be on the blink. It was hot, dirty, uncomfortable work and Jaq was grateful for it. Anything to take their mind off things.

Really, digging through sprat chewed cables and avoiding clipping the wrong wire wasn’t that dissimilar to how they’d spent their last birthday, they thought. Only they’d been working on fixing up a malfunctioning lift within the considerably more plush confines of a brand new hotel if they remembered right. It had been a quick and easy job, with air conditioning to boot, and they’d followed it up with a few celebratory beers with their colleagues at the Crown and Anchor pub. It was the same day they’d discovered their application to board the Hope had been successful and they would finally be getting off Earth and heading for a new, more prosperous life in the Colony.

Jaq snorted at the thought and caught the smell of engine grease and rust. It was hard to imagine that life now. The voices of their friends had faded, the faces of colleagues forgotten and lost to the void. They could barely even remember the way the carpet in the pub had stuck to their feet as they’d rounded the pool table and dodged the lads throwing darts in the corner. A familiar pang of sadness set Jaq’s fingers fumbling at the cable and they shook their head to clear the thoughts.

 _Concentrate, you idiot_. Where was that damn time dilation effect when they needed it?

A half-hour later and with singed fingers and an ache in their back, Jaq slouched through the mess on their way to the shower. The crew were all gathered around the table, whispering rapidly amongst themselves. They stopped abruptly when Jaq passed through. Parvati had a startled, guilty look on her face and Felix was twiddling his thumbs and staring anywhere but at them. Jaq paused. Were they planning a mutiny?

“Still got plenty of hot water, Cap,” Nyoka said, breaking the awkward silence. “Made sure the vicar left some for everyone else for once.”

Max only frowned mildly at that, his usual caustic comments having seemingly dried up since his drug-induced revelations a few days prior. Jaq had spent most of the day following their hallucinogenic trip throwing their guts up in the ship’s bathroom but it had been worth it see the vicar so serene. It had certainly made the man easier to get along with.

They tipped their head in acknowledgement to Nyoka. “Air-scrubbers should be back at full power,” they said and the crew all nodded in unison. That left Jaq even more suspicious. What in the hell was going on?

“Great job, Cap,” Ellie said, her tone of forced enthusiasm throwing Jaq even further. No jokes about them not suffocating? No sarcastic comment about how long it had taken them?

“I’ll get dinner on, whilst you take a shower,” Parvati offered, her voice a little higher than usual and her smile tinged with something approaching guilt.

Jaq took a breath and considered asking whether they should be worried about something but five faces with variously vague and evasive expressions stared back at them and they decided this could wait until they didn’t smell of sweat and copper and they continued on towards the bathroom.

They washed up quickly and changed in the silence of the Captain’s quarters, staring out at the grey, lifeless expanse of Scylla before them. They could just see the hulking figure of an abandoned mining machine squatting on the horizon, the drab blue of the metal the only splash of colour in an otherwise barren landscape. Jaq sighed. If only they’d stretched out that trip to Groundbreaker a little longer. The grubby tables, cheap booze and neon lighting of The Lost Hope seemed pretty appealing right about now. Maybe they’d see if Max had any more of whatever the hell that hermit lady had drugged them with? Getting high and staring up at the stars from their bunk seemed a pretty fitting way to the end the day. Yeah, fuck it, why not get wrecked? It was their birthday, they were allowed a night of self-indulgent wallowing.

As they made their way back to the mess, Jaq could hear the banging of pans and muffled arguing. Clearly, dinner preparations were going well. They rolled their eyes and picked up the pace, time to do their captainly duties and resolve whatever dispute was currently unfolding.

“Surprise!”

Jaq stuttered to a halt in shock as they entered the kitchen to a chorus of yells and the overwhelming smell of something sickly-sweet.

“Happy birthday, boss!” Felix slung an arm around their shoulders and all but dragged them towards the table where a small feast was laid out.

Jaq’s jaw dropped at the sight of the bowls piled up with chips and plates of fried saltuna, the little jars of sauce and carefully sliced mock apples covered in crushed nuts and purpleberry-crunch and, in the centre of the spread, a pile of pancakes sat soaking in a puddle of not-maple syrup. A single candle with what appeared to be fuse from an explosive charge as its wick was thrust in the top of the pile, fizzing a shower of sparks across the stained plastic of the table. Sat around it, the rest of the crew were wearing everything from hopeful smiles to smug smirks as Jaq surveyed them, a strange lump forming in their throat.

“I saw an old aetherwave ‘bout Earth once, it said people used to celebrate with cake and gifts and candles and such,” Parvati said from Jaq’s left and thrust a card towards them. “We didn’t have the ingredients for cake, but I know you like pancakes, so . . .”

She trailed off with a shy smile and Jaq accepted the card. An image of a sprat holding a sign reading “it’s your birthday” was drawn across the front and inside, the crew had all signed their names.

“I hope it’s a little like home, Captain,” Max added from where he was seated at the head of the table. Next to him, Nyoka gave an encouraging nod and nudged a chair out with her foot.

Jaq had no idea what to say, their usual eloquence deserting them in the face of the crew’s efforts. This was surprisingly overwhelming and they didn’t want to go to pieces in front of them all. The warm weight of Felix’s arm around their shoulders helped anchor them.

They cleared their throat awkwardly and gave their crew a genuine smile that they couldn’t supress.

“I . . . thanks . . . all of you. This is . . .” Jaq trailed off and looked back to the card in their hands, feeling a prickle of something hot behind their eyes. They were dangerously close to saying something completely sappy and embarrassing that would ruin their hardened outlaw reputation forever.

“Okay, this is great and all but can we get to the food and the booze now?” Ellie cut in with a grin.

Jaq had never been more grateful for the sawbones' complete disregard for sentimentality. Relived at no longer having to stumble through a speech, they laughed and nodded and that set off a clatter of movement as everyone dove into the spread.

Phineas had been contemplating contacting the Unreliable for most of the day, so when the comms terminal in the corner of the lab chirped at him to let him know there was an inbound transmission, he scooted his chair over quickly and smiled as Jaq crackled into view.

“Phin!” they greeted him, their voice a low drawl as they sat sprawled in the captain’s chair, a paper hat perched at a ridiculous angle atop their head and a badge that simply said “old” in large red letters pinned to their chest. They looked the most relaxed he thought he had ever seen them, their eyes suspiciously red and their movements heavy limbed.

“Are you high?” he asked, more amused than anything else.

Jaq gave a crooked, heavy-lidded smirk that made his pulse flutter erratically, and held up their hands in surrender.

“You caught me. Sorry, doc. Only on special occasions.”

Phineas chuckled as they blinked at him and lounged back in the chair.

“I think you’ve earned a break, Jaq. Happy birthday.”

Jaq gave another lazy grin. In the low, glowing light of the cockpit, their features looked practically serene and Phineas felt a delighted flush at having had even a small part to play in making the day better for them. He knew how tough days of significance could be when alone and well-remembered the first few years of adjusting to them himself. If he could help spare Jaq the sad reminiscences and the regretful loneliness of dwelling on the life they had lost, even if just for a short while, then he would.

“Who gave you that ridiculous badge?” he asked.

Jaq glanced down at their chest, plucking at their shirt and frowning in an endearingly silly manner as they attempted to read it upside down, cocking their head this way and that.

“Felix,” they said eventually before patting their hair and readjusting their hat where it had slipped down over their eyes. “He and Ellie couldn’t decide whether to put thirty-five or one hundred and five, so I got this instead.”

Phineas scoffed at it. They were hardly old. Practically still a teenager in comparison to himself. He told them as much and Jaq sniggered.

“You’re not old, Phin. You’re mature.” They scrunched up their eyes, peering at him in the screen before tossing him an odd wink that didn’t quite come off due to their inebriation but still managed to somehow look roguishly handsome. “And very well preserved.”

He flushed at that. Jaq was nodding to themselves and apparently deep in thought.

“You make me sound like a block of cheese,” he muttered.

Jaq sniggered again. “Nah, more like a fine wine.”

“And what would you know about fine wines?” he asked. So far, Jaq had supplied him with zero-gee brew, a variety of spectrum vodka and a bottle of algae lager that gave off such an unpleasant smell that he had used the contents to lure out the sprats lurking in dark corners of the lab.

“I know that they’re _very_ hard to find and definitely worth the effort.” They gave another sloppy wink. “And,” Jaq added with a crooked smirk. “I _really_ like the taste of them.”

It was as if a weight had descended into his stomach at that. One which threatened to topple him off his chair if he hadn’t been gripping the arm-rests so tight his fingers ached.

Was this flirting? Were they actually flirting with him? Did it even count as such if they were this high at the time? Oh, law.

He laughed nervously. “Yes, well, not much opportunity to have treats like that in this system I’m afraid. Perhaps you can steal a bottle when you get to Byzantium?”

“Sure,” Jaq replied, apparently completely oblivious to the effect their words had had on him. “I’ll get us a bottle and we can share it to celebrate reviving the colonists together.”

Warm brown eyes held his own and even through the screen, the effect pinned him to his seat. Phineas looked into those eyes and saw endless possibilities. A better world, a better life. And law, he wanted a piece of that. Even if it was just a tiny touch or a smile or a kind word. He ached for it in a way he hadn’t quite realised until now.

“Yes, I’d like that,” he replied and then attempted to shift the conversation onto safer ground. “Have you had a good day? Celebrating with everyone?”

“Yeah . . .” They trailed off, a sudden frown slipping into place. It tugged at their lips and tightened the tiny lines at the corners of their eyes and Phineas raised his brows in silent concern until Jaq continued. “It’s not everyone though, is it?”

He bit his lip and felt a wave of sadness. They had left everything behind on earth, lost everyone they had ever cared for and here he was reminding them of that - the one thing he had been desperately trying to avoid.

Jaq held his gaze in the monitor, their eyes piercing and their expression melancholy. They must have been reminiscing about long-dead friends and lost loves, he presumed.

“I wish you were here.”

The words were spoken in a low, wistful tone but they cut through the silence of his lab and Phineas felt a sudden jolt in his chest.

“So do I,” he replied quietly. And he meant it. For the first time in years, Phineas truly wished he was risking everything in the barren wastes of this system rather than hidden away in the safety of his lab with his experiments. It would have been worth it to be there to celebrate with them.

“Maybe next time,” Jaq suggested with a hopeful look.

He wasn’t sure either of them were likely to survive long enough to see a next time but he forced a smile all the same. “Yes, next time I’ll be there,” he promised. And if it was at all within his power to do so, he would keep that promise.

Jaq perked up at that and he was relieved when they cut him another grin, that sadness fading from their gaze and replaced by a twinkle of amusement.

“You gonna get high with me, doc?”

Phineas let slip a sharp laugh. What a ludicrous thought! It had been a very long time since he had last indulged in anything extra-curricular - not since his university days. It would be quite good fun though, he thought, and the company would definitely make the high all the better.

“Alright, yes. We’ll drink the finest wines and smoke whatever nonsense you’ve somehow managed to get your hands on and we’ll discuss the nature of the universe.”

Jaq sniggered at his response, then broke into giggles that grew to waves of laughter that left their shoulders shaking and Phineas laughed along with them as if he was riding the same high, a bubble of joy filling him and replacing the melancholy for a moment.

“I miss you, Phin,” Jaq spluttered between giggles. They were almost curled up in the chair now, their legs slung over one side and their arms wrapped around their waist as they attempted to contain their snorts and splutters.

The hope that flared into life at that flickered away between his own gasping laughs and even as he clung to it, Phineas knew this was dangerously close to becoming something that would only lead to pain and heartache in the long run. However much they might care for him, he knew it would never be in quite the same manner as he rapidly realised he was coming to feel for them.

“I miss you too, Jaq,” he replied, catching their smile in return. He would hold this moment close to his chest, somewhere safe to get him through the long nights.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: There is some allusion to gender dysphoria in the middle of this chapter. It's fairly mild but if you're looking to avoid that then skip from the point of the interaction with Mayfield to the section in Phineas' POV

“Oh, excellent, you’re here!” Phineas exclaimed as Jaq strode into the lab. “Perfect timing!”

Well, that was a pleasant surprise, they thought. It certainly made a change from him fretting over delays to their journey onwards to Byzantium. It seemed Phineas had thrown himself into his work headfirst over the last week and Jaq was expected to follow suit. Unfortunately, solar winds and stray debris had scuppered their plans and left them stranded on Scylla for a few days whilst they scrambled to repair the damage. Griping about the hold-up had been the main topic of conversation on the evening secure transmissions.

They grinned at him as they dropped off the box of supplies that had been precariously balanced on their shoulder and rounded the workbench. He was wearing thick rubber gloves that almost went up to his elbows and his hands were gripping the neck of a round-bottomed flask of some odd substance that Jaq couldn’t name.

“I need some heavy lifting done,” Phineas said as they came to stand beside him.

Right. Of course. He was pleased because he needed them for a task, not because he’d wanted to see them.

“Sure,” they replied as Phineas’ gaze immediately returned to his experiment. The chemical concoction seemed to be faintly smoking and Jaq caught the scent of a tar-like smell. “What do you need?”

Phineas didn’t move, his feet seemingly frozen to the deck and his body tense as he concentrated carefully on the flask, though he did nod his head briefly to the right.

“See that tall container?”

Jaq assumed he meant the cylindrical metal one sat towards the end of the bench.

“Could you flip the lid and bring it over here?”

They started towards it immediately before Phineas’ voice cut in, a slightly panicked note to it.

“Gloves! Don’t touch it without gloves, you’ll burn your hands.”

Jaq shot him a salute that they were sure he didn’t see as he was still staring fixedly at the flask and shrugged on the gloves they carried in their back pocket.

The container had a dial on the top showing a temperature gauge. Currently, the needle was fixed deep in the red at somewhere around minus one hundred and thirty and they wondered what exactly they were about to open up. They consoled themselves with the thought that Phineas would have insisted on a mask if there was a chance of them being poisoned. Though the man was prone to taking risks, they were generally meticulously calculated.

Jaq popped the lid and a thick, heavy fog rose around the lip of the container. When they lifted it by the chrome handles either side, they realised it was significantly heavier than expected. Doing their best to pretend they weren’t having any difficulties with the weight, they carried it over to Phineas.

“Wonderful. Now, very carefully, I need you to pour it into the flask.”

Jaq glanced over at him, muscles straining under the weight of the container. Phineas hadn’t taken his eyes off his own concoction of chemicals but they saw his bushy brows rise a little as he noted their hesitation.

“It’s very corrosive so do your best not to spill any on me, please.”

Jaq swallowed at that. The container wasn’t easy to manoeuvre and their arms were already beginning to shake as they fought to keep it steady. The thought of hurting him was enough to have sweat beginning to prickle their skin and before they had realised what was happening, the room seemed to shrink, the edge of their vision blurring as they focused in on their task.

It was like moving through quicksand when the time-dilation hit them like this. Jaq could feel a tension in their body thrumming through every nerve ending, screaming at them that what they were doing was more than their body should be able to take. They could almost feel each atom in their lungs and the flow of every blood cell in their veins. They had to make the most of this, there was no telling how long the effect might last.

Before it could wear off as suddenly as it had come on, Jaq moved the container into position and tilted it a few inches so a gradual trickle reached the flask. Phineas was rigid beside them and they wondered whether he was aware of what was happening to them or too focused on his own task to tell.

Their jaw ached as they grit their teeth in an attempt to ensure not a single splash ended up anywhere other than the flask, but to their relief, the time dilation held out long enough they could keep their hands steady throughout the process.

It took perhaps a matter of seconds to pour out the ice blue liquid, though Jaq had no idea how long that may have been in reality. When everything suddenly seemed to snap back into real time, they realised they had taken a deep shuddering gasp, their body burning with the effort.

“Jaq?”

The voice came through muffled, a high pitched ringing in their ears cutting out the sounds of the lab.

“Jaq, are you alright?”

The crinkles at the corners of Phineas’ eyes had deepened as he turned his startled gaze on them, concern written clearly in every weathered line.

“Fine,” they muttered, setting the now empty container down before screwing up their eyes against the suddenly too bright lights above them. “The time dilation kicked in.”

There was a pause and then Phineas’ voice sounded very quiet from close beside them. “Does it hurt you? When it happens?”

When Jaq stopped rubbing their eyes and glanced up, Phineas had finally set the flask aside, securing it in place in a sturdy looking rack and slipping off the thick safety gloves before settling a hand against their back. Jaq almost jumped at the unexpected contact, their body still tense and on edge as whatever it was that triggered off the effect slowly left their system. The warmth of his palm soothed their jagged nerves even through their shirt and they found it was hard not to wish the thin barrier of cotton wasn’t there.

Phineas appeared worried, still waiting for their response and Jaq cut him a smile in an attempt to reassure him.

“It’s just a bit disorientating sometimes. I’m mostly used to it.”

“Oh. Are you able to control it now?”

He sounded intrigued now that the concern had receded and Jaq was loathe to disappoint him but they shook their head.

“No. I’ve no idea what causes it. It just happens sometimes.” They shrugged. “I’m usually about to get my head blown off when it takes over. I haven’t exactly been keeping notes.”

Phineas’ expression shifted, a pinched, uncomfortable tightness taking over that Jaq couldn’t place. Before they had much time to consider it, he withdrew his hand and took a quick step back, now reaching for a data pad.

“Well, we really must investigate this some time. Perhaps find a way of triggering it off here in the lab? We could take a look at your brain chemistry when it happens. Take some blood samples and do some scans . . .”

He was rambling and though Jaq wasn’t entirely clear on why, they recognised it as Phineas retreating into where he felt safest – his work.

“Maybe you should keep me on as a lab assistant, once this is all done?” they suggested, cringing internally at how hopeful they sounded. They tried to cover it with a cocky grin and prayed he hadn’t noticed.

Phineas only glanced up and laughed awkwardly. “I’m sure you’ll have much better things to do than help me.”

Jaq winced. Well, at least he’d let them down gently they supposed.

“Are you all set for Byzantium?” Phineas asked, now focused once more on his notes. Jaq gratefully grasped onto the change in subject.

“Just about to leave.”

They were antsy about being on their way themselves, conscious that they were gathering more of a reputation with every move they made and making it harder and harder to fly under the radar of the Board. The shit that had gone down in Edgewater had been bad enough but Jaq knew that after everything in Stellar Bay, word of the mysterious Captain’s exploits was starting to do the rounds on the aetherwaves. With the clock ticking on finding the dimethyl sulfoxide, they felt particularly under pressure to be away.

“I’ll have your chemical soon, Phin,” they assured him.

He finally met their gaze again at that, a spark of grim determination glimmering away in the grey depths of his eyes that Jaq found infectious.

“Good. Be careful down there, my friend. And trust no one.”

Jaq hated Byzantium. They hated every fucking thing about it. The gaudy buildings, the ridiculous banners, the adverts for expensive trinkets. The way everyone was trying to paper over the cracks, using bits and civility and sheer bloody-minded haughtiness in an attempt to stave off the very obvious fact that it was a city crumbling.

Most of all, Jaq hated the citizens of Byzantium. They had pitied some of the souls in Edgewater, envied the crew of Groundbreaker and respected the workers of Stellar Bay. But the Byzantine elite got under their skin and left a sour taste in their mouth that even the zero-g they were currently sipping in Billingsly’s House of Inebriation couldn’t shift.

It was the whispers and sly looks that got to them the most. The way the Byzantine’s would narrow their eyes and watch from the corner as Jaq strode past. Or worse, when they would gasp with wide-eyed excitement tinged with horror at the sight of them. As if they had any idea about the awful shit Jaq and their crew had done to make it here to the city. As if any of these pampered corporate fucks could even fathom the harsh reality of life outside these walls.

“Your round, Cap,” Ellie said from the seat beside them, tipping her head back and slamming her glass against the table with unnecessary force. The sawbones leant back her chair, a cocky, half-hearted smirk on her face. The same one she’d been forcing ever since they’d left her parent’s place earlier in the day. The same one Jaq could see right through.

“Sure,” they replied with a shrug. If Ellie wanted to drown her sorrows and pretend it was a celebration in anticipation of getting her hands on the life insurance bits, then that was up to her. Jaq would humour her in her melancholy but they didn’t much have the stomach for drinking tonight. Not with the hold up to getting the chemicals.

The rest of the crew called their orders; spectrum red for Nyoka, wine for Max, whatever Jaq was having for Felix, an announcement he made whilst drumming on the edge of the table in a manner that was clearly beginning to irk the vicar.

They glanced over to Parvati as they rose from their seat. The Engineer was wearing a flushed smile, the result of a glass of purpleberry wine and excited chatter about her upcoming date with Junlei. An hour ago she had been biting her lip, an anxious mess about it, but after a pep-talk from Jaq and the rest of the crew, she finally seemed ready to go ahead. Jaq was proud of her, and perhaps a little jealous.

“Water for me, Cap,” Parvati said and Jaq nodded. That was definitely for the best.

They made their way to the bar, the path clearing for them as patrons stopped their conversations and shuffled their feet when Jaq approached. A spiteful part of them was starting to relish in the way everyone took a pace back when they entered a room or backed up when they approached a counter. What was it Celeste Jolicoeur had said? That they made everyone uncomfortable? That was a familiar sentiment. One they had thought they had left behind on Earth. It stirred something scared and hostile inside them that made them want to bolt for the Unreliable.

With a grimace in the direction of a ridiculously moustached man who nearly tripped over himself in his haste to get out of their way, Jaq leant on the bar and waited for the auto-mech to sidle over.

A loud voice was slurring away a few feet over and Jaq glanced up to see a tall guard in heavy corporate armour downing a shot before swaying precariously.

“Yeah! Yeah, big fancy place, the Minister’s estate. Real nice, real nice. Which makes my job . . . super important.”

The guard belched and reached for his glass, frowning in confusion when he realised it was empty. A slender young man in a velvet jacket of powder blue who had been nodding away at the drunk man seemed to take the guard’s moment of distraction as an opportunity and he scurried away. When the Trooper eventually turned back, ready to continue regaling his audience, Jaq slid into place.

“The Minister’s estate huh?” they said, doing their best to sound the right level of impressed and nonchalant. “Wow, you must be someone pretty special to get a job guarding there.”

The Trooper gave them a suspicious look and Jaq nodded to the auto-mech. “I was just getting a round in, can I get you another?”

“Sure,” the man slurred, grinning now. “Mayfield, name’s Mayfield. And don’t you forget it. Going big places, this name.”

Jaq spent three rounds and too many bits on trying to coax information out of the stupendously drunk Mayfield. Luckily, his inebriation meant he didn’t notice the Captain was slamming shots of plain-n-pure water rather than Spectrum, but even with the advantage of sobriety, Jaq couldn’t seem to find a way to get in close enough to pick the man’s pocket.

“I’m a hero, really, you know,” Mayfield was saying, now swaying into Jaq’s personal space. The scent of oil and chrome rose from his armour and the stench of vodka on his breath had them struggling not to flinch.

“Like from the serials,” Jaq suggested, dragging out their words to match the man’s slurring.

Mayfield grinned and nodded slowly. “Yeah, yeah, like that.” He leant in and a broad, sweaty palm landed on Jaq’s waist. “I could be an aetherwave star.”

Jaq swallowed back a grimace and replaced it with what they hoped came off a starry-eyed smile. Ok, this was an opening, if they could just stay calm enough to take it.

They placed their own hand on the guard’s armour-clad chest and Mayfield obviously took that as reciprocal interest on Jaq’s part. The hand at their waist groped at them through their jacket.

“Want to see what it’s like to spend a night with a hero?”

He was close now, so close Jaq could feel his body heat and smell the sweat and alcohol from his pores. If they could just slide a hand round to his pocket, maybe he’d have the keycard stashed there.

The hand at their waist suddenly shifted and clumsy fingers brushed over their stomach, seeking to move lower. Jaq’s blood was suddenly rushing in their ears but it didn’t block out the words the guard muttered next.

“So, what am I working with here?”

The jolt to their stomach at that was nauseating but Jaq didn’t have time to process it. At the same time their gut told them to get away, the familiar blurring at the edge of their vision kicked in and the sudden overt awareness of every nerve in their body struck them with full force.

With no combat to focus their attention on and no obvious target, Jaq found themselves gasping, their mind reeling as it struggled to process everything at once. They stumbled backwards, knocking into a group of patron’s and sending drinks flying before a desperate hand managed to grasp onto the first thing within reach in an attempt to stay upright. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a terrified looking young man who was wholly unable to stop their momentum and was dragged down with them.

The punch came out of nowhere, taking them square on the bridge of the nose with a horrible crunch, and the second it landed, everything snapped back to real time. Jaq collapsed against the table, gasping and blinded by the tears. They still had a fist full of velvet and realised they were gripping someone’s jacket - someone who was squirming and squealing and trying to get away from them. Jaq released the man, but not before several of his companions dove in on them.

Manicured hands covered in jewellery swung down and instinctively, Jaq blocked several blows before Nyoka and Max appeared, shoving their way through the crowd to haul bodies off them. The vicar caught a wild swing to his jaw for his troubles and turned on the culprit, teeth bared and fists raised. Two troopers who had been drinking in the corner rounded on him and Jaq struggled to their feet just as Felix came sprinting into view.

“Drop kick!” he yelled before everything descended into chaos.

Phineas was so close to his goal he could almost taste it.

Ever since Jaq had left Scylla en-route for Byzantium, a manic energy had gripped him. It was impossible to eat, to sleep, to do anything but work on his formula, calibrating and re-calibrating it over and over in an effort to create the perfect distillation of chemicals. Thirty-five long years on the run was perhaps, finally coming to an end.

His limbs were sluggish as he worked, the caffenoids that had left him twitchy and anxious over the last few days finally beginning to wear off. So he took more, trying to ignore Jaq’s voice in the back of his mind telling him to eat something and look after his heart. It beat erratically in his chest and it ached constantly and he tried desperately to ignore the causes.

Every step closer to his goal felt like a step further from Jaq.

Jaq who was out there risking everything for him whilst he sat safe and warm and so alone in his laboratory. Jaq who shared his vision for a better life and was willing to put everything on the line for his plan. Jaq who trusted him completely and stuck their neck out for him and would likely be gone as soon as the chemical was in his hands. It didn’t really bear thinking about.

So he didn’t.

Instead, Phineas concentrated on planning the revival process – trawling the data logs of the Hope he had stolen, trying to decide who best to start with. And when weighing one life up against another became too much, he went back to his formula, re-doing the maths, re-calculating, tinkering, testing.

So focused was he, that at first, Phineas didn’t notice the beeping away of the comms unit. It was only when the noise rose in pitch and sped up that he realised he had been ignoring an inbound call.

He hurried to the terminal, excitement and concern and anticipation all gripping him at once. Surely this was it, this was the moment Jaq would tell him they had secured the chemical.

When the image flickered into life, grainy and pixelated initially, it took Phineas a moment to understand what he was seeing. When it all sharpened up and his friend came into focus, he gasped in shock, eyes blown wide with concern.

“What happened to you?”

Jaq’s face was a mess. It was streaked with blood that they were making a poor attempt at wiping away even as it continued to trickle from their nose. Their lip appeared to be split and there was a rapidly darkening bruise around their eye that he knew would look spectacularly swollen in a few hours.

They waved away his concern. “Doesn’t matter, was just a bar fight. I need to talk to you about the time dilation . . .”

Phineas’ had already stopped listening even as Jaq continued on, mentioning something about a UDL trooper and a pass key between repeated sniffs and swipes at their face. A prickle of furious confusion ran through him. They’d been in a bar? What in the void were they doing in a damn bar when they were meant to be collecting the chemical?

“. . . and I don’t understand what happened. It stopped as soon as the guy clocked me in the face. That’s usually when it kicks in, but it just -”

“Do you have the chemical?”

They halted abruptly, blinking at him and holding a soaked tissue to their face.

“Not yet. There’s been a couple issues with -”

“Jaq, for laws sake, why are you wasting time drinking? We have to get that chemical!”

Jaq blanched at that, straightening up in their captain’s chair and fixing him with a frown.

“Okay, firstly, I was trying to talk my way into the minister’s estate. Secondly, I was helping out Ellie and Parvati with personal issues.”

Phineas groaned in irritation and ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the wild, grey strands. They were so pushed for time, why couldn’t Jaq see that? After everything they had spoken about together, he thought they’d understood the importance of getting the chemical before the Board caught up with them.

“We don’t have time for personal issues,” he argued, desperate to make them see sense. “We have a responsibility to those colonists, to rescue them -”

“And I have a responsibility to my crew, Phineas,” Jaq cut in, tossing aside the handkerchief. Their nose looked so swollen Phineas suspected it might be broken. They were in a complete state, their eyes bloodshot and their clothes stained crimson. It was a wonder they hadn’t been arrested, or worse, killed. All for some stupid distraction. What had gotten into them tonight? Couldn’t they understand what was at stake?

Phineas slumped in his chair and pressed his palms to his eyes until he saw stars. Oh, law, he could have cried in frustration. They were so close. So, so close.

“You must think of the bigger picture,” he implored them. “Whatever it is your crew have to worry about, none of it matters right now.”

“It matters to me!” Jaq shot back. “They’ve given up their lives to follow me around this system, it’s my duty to ensure they’re happy.”

“This isn’t about happiness, it’s about survival!” he snapped.

“And what’s the point in surviving if everyone’s fucking miserable, Phin? I thought we were trying to make Halcyon a better place?”

Jaq was wearing an expression of angry disbelief that Phineas knew he was mirroring.

“Have you always been this damn hull-headed or should I put it down to cryo-sickness?”

Jaq fell silent at that and it was only now he noted the shakiness of their hand and the way their jaw was clenched tight, whether in anger or upset he couldn’t be sure. Their shirt was torn, he noted. What had they said about that trooper putting his hands on them?

“Okay. Fine. I get it,” they said eventually, their voice low, their words forced and even in a manner he had never heard before. It sounded like they were swallowing something back and when they gave a grim smile he could see the blood smeared on their teeth.

“I’m the grunt here and you’re the officer. You point, I shoot and that’s all there is to it.”

Jaq gave a mocking salute and Phineas flinched.

“Oh for law’s sake, Jaq,” he barked in frustration, immediately regretting it when Jaq continued.

“My mistake to think I was anything other than a tool.”

They dropped his gaze, swiping again at their face with a bloodied hand and wincing when their thumb caught the edge of their split lip. A wave of shame enveloped Phineas, dampening the fires of thwarted ambition.

He sighed heavily and ran a weary hand over his jaw. It was trembling, he realised. Probably from all the caffeine.

“You know you have always been so much more than that to me,” he said quietly. “I can’t do this without you, Jaq.”

They gave him a smile at that, though it was tight and didn’t reach their eyes. He longed to see that playful spark there that usually lit up their features when they sat like this, bouncing ideas off one another or bantering back and forth. All those long nights spent talking until he could barely keep his eyes open and fell asleep, not to nightmares but to sweet dreams or blissful oblivion. Why were they fighting?

“I’m sorry, my friend,” he told them. “I just . . . there is so little time left and we have so many lives to save - together. You’ve done incredible things already, much more than I had ever expected. I just need you to take this final step for me and then whatever trouble you are having with your time dilation, we’ll resolve that together as well. I promise.”

Phineas halted, silently begging them to understand. They couldn’t fail now.

Jaq’s fingers tapped at the arm of the chair, their knee bouncing an unsteady rhythm. They got like this sometimes, he’d noticed, mostly when they appeared to be thinking of home. Restless, impatient, anxious maybe.

“The colonists are counting on you, Jaq. I’m counting on you.”

The fidgeting halted and he heard them sigh, the sound crackling in the static of the connection.

“I know.” Jaq finally looked back to him, meeting his eyes in the monitor. “I’m not delaying on purpose. You have to trust me, Phineas.”

“There is no one is this system I trust more than you,” he assured them.

Jaq nodded and this time when they smiled, he felt a measure of relief.

“I’ll get your chemical, Phin.”

They rose from their seat and with a final look, reached out a hand to cut the connection.

Phineas took a shaky breath in the cold silence of the lab. Not long now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are spoilers for just about every end quest ahead and this will be true of most future chapters too.

Jaq felt like a first-class idiot.

Seventy years in cryo-sleep, a new life as the rogue Captain of their own ship, endless possibilities ahead of them amongst a population of millions, and as inevitably as Spacer’s choice gear would malfunction, they’d gone and fallen head-over-heels for the first man they’d laid eyes upon after awakening. 

They had a habit of doing this, they knew, of getting too attached. It had been the same with their regiment. They’d only enlisted as it was compulsory for getting their trade training and then before they knew it, they had found themselves so loyal to their troop they’d been unable to leave until they were kicked out. Jaq had hoped they’d buried this ridiculous desire for connection behind them when they’d decided to board the Hope. No such luck.

They clenched their jaw at the thought, wincing at the pain that crept through it. They were feeling particularly fragile this morning, their whole face tender and aching as they lay on their back beneath the Unreliable. Still, concentrating on the sharp pain in their knuckles as they worked at the loose panels was better than dwelling on their row with Phineas.

He was right, they knew. The only thing that should matter right now was getting to dimethyl sulfoxide and rescuing their fellow colonists, and after everything Jaq had gone through to come this far, they weren’t going to give up now. Not when he was counting on them, not when they finally had something worth fighting for. They would make the raid on the Ministry building tonight and they needed the Unreliable in, well, a more reliable condition to ensure they could make a swift exit off-planet if necessary.

“ . . . and then the final verse had this beautiful line about cogs and wheels and perfectly calibrated engines. Pass me that wrench would you, Cap’n?”

Jaq glanced over at Parvati, also sprawled out on her back in her oil-stained coveralls and chattering away as she re-secured the ship’s fuel lines. They hadn’t meant to zone out but there was only so much bad poetry they could smile awkwardly at before their attention drifted.

They reached into the toolbox beside them and slid what they hoped was the correct sized wrench over to the Engineer. Parvati accepted it with a small smile and went right back to delving into the Unreliable’s innards.

“Didn’t mean to go rambling on there, Cap’n. Sure you’ve got a lot on your mind right now.”

Jaq gave a guilty wince at their crew mate’s generous excuse for their lack of focus. They were the Captain, they were meant to be listening attentively to their crew’s concerns and hopes and dreams. Wasn’t that what a good leader did? Wasn’t that what they’d told Phineas?

“No, it’s fine,” Jaq assured her. “Hey, if someone wrote me beautiful poems you’d never shut me up about it.”

What the hell they would be about, though, Jaq couldn’t say. They’d never been much of a writer themselves. Junlei wrote about what she knew, it seemed. Would Phin do the same for whoever was lucky enough to catch his attention? They briefly imagined lines comparing someone to a tank full of preserved specimens or a perfectly solved equation and wondered if they shouldn’t try writing something for him. They cringed internally and immediately disregarded the thought. That took a courage they definitely didn’t possess.

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll write all kinds of things about you and Doctor Welles when you wake up all those sleeping souls. Folks’ll be desperate to meet you. You’re a real life hero, Cap’n.”

Jaq snorted. They’d always wanted to be a hero. They weren’t really sure this counted but it did feel pretty good to be doing something useful either way.

They tinkered away a while longer, fixing rivets and repainting rusted patches. It was reassuring to do something with their hands that didn’t involve throwing a punch or pulling a trigger. It might come naturally but it didn’t suit them.

Parvati continued her musings from beside them and Jaq listened quietly, smiling and nodding when necessary. The engineer’s voice was soothing as she alternately gave instructions, requested tools and reflected on the object of her affections. She sounded so excited and certain all at once in her feelings for the Groundbreaker chief, it was a sensation Jaq was unfamiliar with.

“How’d you know Junlei was the right person for you?” they asked as they held a panel square whilst Parvati sealed it in place.

The engineer blushed but didn’t take her eyes from her task, her hands steady and sure as she worked.

“Gosh, Cap’n, I don’t know.” She looked thoughtful for a moment, her tongue wedged in her cheek and a slight frown pulling at her brows. “Sometimes when I’m with her it feels like I’ve grabbed the end of a live wire, I’m all fizzy inside. And then sometimes it’s more like that warm, steady heat you get from a finely tuned engine. It’s a nice feeling, you know? When all the parts run together smoothly, no grime sticking in the gears, just ticking over, one piece against another all doing their part together.”

Well, Junlei’s poetry was definitely rubbing off their crewmate.

“Is that how you feel about Doc Welles?”

Jaq dropped the wrench they’d been holding. It narrowly missed their face, clattering to the deck beside their head with a loud clang that left their ears ringing as it echoed around the landing bay. They swore as they snatched it up again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, Cap’n,” Parvati said hastily. “Only, I seen how much you talk to him and well, we’re always stoppin’ by the lab. It’s clear you care for him. I think its sweet is all. I know some folks might think it a little odd on account of him being so old. But you’re old! Older than you seem and . . . I’m sorry, I know I’m rambling. I just think it’s nice that you both have that.”

Parvati was chewing at her lip, wide-eyed and apologetic. Jaq gave her a reassuring smile but it felt half-hearted even to them.

“Me and Phin, we’re not . . .” They trailed off and scratched at the back of their head where their hair was just starting to get too long. They really should ask Felix to give it another going over with the clippers for them, only he’d been a touch too enthusiastic about it last time.

“Have you talked to him about it?” Parvati asked quietly.

Jaq laughed and reached for another panel, this was not a conversation they wanted to have.

“He’s got better things to think about. And so do I.”

Phineas respected them enough to entrust them with an integral part of his plan and even his friendship. Couldn’t that be enough for them?

“I don’t think you have to choose between the two,” Parvati said.

The words needled away at Jaq, prising with all the subtlety of a crowbar at a wound they’d been trying to ignore. They were inclined to agree with their Engineer. It didn’t seem likely Phineas would.

“Let’s keep our focus, yeah?” they suggested and handed Parvati a hammer.

“Focus, focus, focus . . . come on! Fuck!”

Jaq stood at the terminal, body vibrating with adrenalin, just barely keeping their hands steady whilst text streamed across the screen in yellow and their fingers hovered above the keypad. Behind them, Max and Nyoka had their backs to them, eyes on the doorway and fingers on triggers as they watched for UDL guards.

They’d already been down here too long in amongst the tanks of floating bodies and any second now they were going to be discovered. Jaq truly didn’t want to have to execute a guard.

“Fucking come on!”

They tapped through the keypad options as fast as they could, scanning the words. Two options appeared - take all the chemical or twenty-six percent? Jaq froze. How long had Phineas been searching for this? He’d said there wasn’t much out there and surely they’d never have time to get more, not now.

Without a second to pause and think, they hit the button to take all the chemical, a wave of relief hitting them as they heard the valve release and begin pouring dimethyl sulfoxide into the canister.

And then the muted screams started.

Jaq span around in wide-eyed dismay, a freezing, prickling dread creeping through their limbs and leaving them rooted to the spot. All around them, the subjects in the tanks, their bodies encased in suits so similar to the one the Captain had awoken in, thrashed and jerked, hands pounding on the glass, bubbles streaming from their mouths. Dying.

Their vision blurred, and panic gripped them. _Not now, God no, not now_.

Jaq couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move as the horror slowed to a crawl and their perception tightened in on the tank closest to give them a perfect view of the writhing figure within. Behind the glass, the test subject’s suit began to collapse and then bulge in places as limbs dissolved.

They saw the moment the test subject stopped fighting against the pain in every cell in their body and suddenly went still, and beyond them, Jaq could see others still twitching as they hung there in the tanks, ghosts floating in chemical. The silence that descended was devastating.

Jaq collapsed to their knees, sharp pain striking through them at the impact with the metal and snapping them out of the time dilation. The breath they drew into their lungs burned and they stared up at the tanks, panting, hollow. What had they done?

“Captain?”

Max was stood over them, his shotgun gripped white knuckle tight and a look somewhere between resignation and disgust etched into the hard lines of his face. He was still focused on the door and Jaq was grateful for this. They didn’t think they could look the vicar in the eye right now.

They dragged themselves their feet, tearing their gaze from the bodies around them. An alarm was blaring somewhere in the background and a quiet, steady voice in the back of their mind that seemed strangely familiar reminded them that if they didn’t get out now, all of this death would be for nothing.

They had to move.

Swallowing back bile, they shouldered their rifle and hurried to the canister of chemical to snatch it up.

Phineas was almost dizzy with excitement and relief by the time Jaq arrived, striding down the gangway accompanied by the young lad Mr. Millstone. The two of them were hefting the canister between them and when they set it down at his feet, Phineas couldn’t help running his hands over it, peering through the glass. It was here, it was finally within his grasp and with it, his goal.

“Wonderful! Oh, my friend, this is perfect. More than enough to -”

“The colony’s on the brink of collapse, Phin.”

He waved that away with one weathered hand, the other still cradling the chemical.

“Well anyone with two working lamps can see that. Do you know what’s waiting for us on the Hope? Scientists! Engineers, artists – the best Earth has to offer!”

There was silence at that pronouncement and when he glanced up, Phineas noted Jaq was subdued, their usual oh-so-casual grin nowhere to be seen and their expression strangely tight instead, made all the worse by the bruising they still carried. They must still be upset with him, he presumed. Hopefully, that would fade in time.

Jaq shook their head, jaw clenched.

“No, I mean any day now. The chairman, the Board, they’re planning to freeze us all.”

The shock of that hit him square in the chest. Whilst Jaq explained what they had discovered in Byzantium, a rising dread filled him, squeezing the air from his lungs and draining the manic, hopeful energy that had propelled him forwards over the last few days.

Phineas paced, his boots beating out a desperate rhythm that echoed off the glass and metal of the laboratory that had been his prison for so many years. They were out of time. Architect save them, they were going to starve, one by one, or be lost to the cryo-chambers of the Hope and forgotten by society. And the colonists? Oh law, those poor people – to be jettisoned like so much unwanted debris. How dare the Board do this? Those animals, those swine!

“There has to be something we can do?”

Jaq sounded torn between anger and desperation. He could sympathise.

“Short of lining up every member of the Board and shooting them in the back of the head?” He gave a bitter laugh. That really wasn’t such a bad idea.

“I think I’ve killed enough people already.”

Phineas halted at that. When he caught Jaq’s gaze, there was something eerily familiar in it. A kind of hollowness that he had seen before. He swallowed hard and frowned.

“They were using human test subjects,” Jaq continued. There was a thick edge to their voice as if they were doing their best to hold onto something that wanted to claw its way from their throat. “When I took the chemical . . .”

Their hands clenched at their sides and he knew what was coming before the words passed their lips.

“They all died.”

_Oh, Jaq._

The guilt that crept through his mind at that was almost paralysing. It was always there, lurking, waiting to envelop him and crush all hope. He couldn’t let that happen, he thought furiously. That was what the Board wanted. They wanted him to give up, to give in to it. He wouldn’t.

“Human test subjects?” he snarled. “That’s grotesque. That’s unthinkable. That’s – exactly what I’d expect out of the Board.”

He resumed his pacing, flickers of righteous anger filling him. Those test subjects had been sacrificed not for any greater cause but purely for the greed and selfishness of the Board and their lackeys. The pure evil of them - it was enough to make his blood boil.

“Those poor people. They must have died in agony. What exactly was the Board trying to accomplish?”

“The Board didn’t kill them. I did.”

That stopped him in his tracks and he turned on his heel, staring over at his comrade as they stood still and silent. He could see that same guilt burning through Jaq even as he fought to keep it at bay within himself.

“They would have killed them eventually,” he assured them.

He settled his hands on Jaq’s shoulders, gripping them through the worn leather of their jacket. They tensed but made no attempt to remove themselves from his grasp and Phineas stared into their eyes. It wasn’t their fault - they had to understand that. If they didn’t . . . well, he knew the way that guilt could eat you up inside until there was nothing else left.

“You did what you had to do, Jaq. The history books will judge us and maybe they will find us wanting, but right now, you cannot let this grind you down. Not if we want to secure a future where anyone is left alive to cast that judgement.”

They shut their eyes and it was all he could do not to embrace them even with their crewmate present and hovering in the background.

“Taking the chemical was the right thing to do. I’m sorry it came at the cost of human lives. But there are so many more hanging in the balance.”

How to help those floating, frozen souls though? When it seemed the clock had finally run out for them.

Eventually, Jaq took a breath and nodded. When they opened their eyes there was a sudden grim fervour to them that took him aback.

“I know what to do.”

Jaq’s plan was completely mad, unbelievably dangerous and highly unlikely to succeed. Phineas loved it.

As they ran through the technicalities he nodded along, snatching up a datapad and quickly rattling through equations, calculating the chances of disaster along with just how much power the Unreliable could generate. The ship was tiny in comparison to the Hope but with its superior technology and a little bit of luck, it should, just, be enough to complete the skip jump. It had to be – this was their only chance.

Jaq was leant beside him at the bench whilst his fingers tapped away at the keys. That strange solemnity hadn’t left them but Phineas could read the determination in their stance. Whatever their worries, whatever their fears, he knew they would see this through.

“Once ADA skips the Hope into the rings of Terra 2, I’ll be ready with my formula. We’ll start reviving your fellow colonists before the Board even realises what we’ve done,” he said, straightening up and turning to his comrade with a triumphant grin. Jaq nodded and then their brows fell into a heavy frown.

“Akande, she asked me to plant a tracking signal here in your lab.”

Hardly a surprise, Phineas thought. And yet how amusingly foolish of the Adjutant, to think she could ever turn Jaq. His Captain would never betray him, he was certain of that. And yet, perhaps the Board’s arrogance gave him an opening?

“You absolutely should,” he replied, earning a startled look from Jaq and confusion from Felix who was leaning against the glass behind them having disappeared around the lab to stare at the specimen tanks whilst they talked specifics.

“If you don’t, she’ll know you’ve ignored her orders,” he explained. “You’ll have a much easier time of it getting to the Hope if she’s under the impression you’ve decided to give me up. And besides, you can plant a corrupted code. That will buy me some time.”

He’d expected understanding on Jaq’s part at that. Instead, they gave a vehement shake of the head.

“Not enough for me to get back to you from the Hope,” Jaq argued.

Phineas smiled at that. They were always so determined to look out for him. They needn’t worry, not in this case. Unlike his cooking, Phineas had not been scrimping on his defence systems over the years and he was quite confident even the hardiest UDL trooper or hot-shot pilot would have a tough time making it into his laboratory.

“I always knew the Board would catch up with me in the end. I’m prepared for that eventuality. They’ll not find me defenceless when they get here.”

Jaq still looked uneasy and Phineas patted their shoulder again.

“Don’t you worry about me, my friend. You have a system to save.”

There was a brief moment where Jaq’s expression flickered, curiously torn as if there was something else they wanted to say to him. Then, before he could prompt them to speak, two strong arms were wrapping him in a tight hug and Phineas found the words died his throat, dissolving into a soft “ _oh_ ” of surprise.

Jaq’s warmth enveloped him and he inhaled the scent of engine oil, explosive charge, and beneath that, something that was so uniquely _them._ His friend. His Captain.

He’d wanted to reach for them like this on several occasions but uncertainty over how they would respond had always kept him at bay and he had only been left with what his dreams had given him. No matter how many time his subconscious had conjured this moment, he’d never expected they would hold him quite so fiercely, or that he would find himself returning their embrace with such desperation.

“Please keep safe, Phin.”

The words reverberated through him, whispered against his neck. He clutched at their jacket all the harder.

“You too, Jaq. If anyone can pull this off, it’s you.”

He hoped he sounded suitably reassuring. He needed to believe it himself - the alternative didn’t bear thinking about.

Jaq only gave a quiet laugh in response and oh, law, he never wanted to let them go.

And yet all too soon, Jaq was withdrawing from him, a sad smile slipping from their lips to be replaced with the set line of determination that he mirrored as best he could.

With a final look, the Captain strode away, Felix at their side, and Phineas retreated behind the bulletproof glass to await the enemy’s arrival.


	13. Chapter 13

Rage engulfed Phineas, white-hot and churning in his gut. It set his fingers trembling as he furiously punched at the keys of the comms terminal in a desperate attempt to secure a connection with the Unreliable. Beyond the bulletproof glass, the sounds of test tubes and specimen jars smashing beneath armoured fists filled the air and a cutting tool whined ominously.

The UDL troopers had docked only moments after he had finished hiding his passkey. They had stormed his sanctuary in a swathe of metal and bullets, screaming orders and curses, their numbers thinned and their route in hampered by the traps he had rigged up.

Manic, half-terrified laughter had set his shoulders shaking as the jackbooted thugs had hammered at the glass, their fists doing no more than thump uselessly against it before they had momentarily given up. Frustrated, they had turned to destroying everything they could get their hands on and Phineas could only watch in despair as they swarmed through the lab, tearing apart his work with rampant, malicious enthusiasm.

“Just open up Welles and it’ll go easier for you.”

Phineas grimaced and gave the finger to the UDL commander stood beyond the glass, hands-on-hips and overseeing the trooper currently attempting to force their way through the blast door.

“Get fucked, bootlickers,” he snarled, then flinched at the sound of metal on metal. A shower of sparks crackled to the floor. The door wouldn’t hold much longer.

The comms unit chose that moment to chirrup that it was unable to secure a connection and Phineas immediately turned his attention back to the screen. He gripped the edge of the unit, white-knuckled. So Jaq hadn’t returned from the Hope yet. His stomach clenched and twisted. Law, he hoped they were alright.

The cutting tool squealed away and when Phineas glanced up, he could see a trooper striding through the destruction taking place in the lab, explosive charge clutched in their hands. He was out of time. He would have to record a message and pray that not only had Jaq survived but that they would receive it in time.

With the breach alarm blaring in the background, he leant in to the screen.

“Thank the law you warned me! I was able to get some defences up, but they might not be enough. The Board has sent some serious firepower to pry me out of here. They’re trying to get in here, and I’m not sure I can stop them.”

There was more pounding at the door and sparks flew across the console, singeing his gloves. Phineas ignored the smell of burning leather. There were only seconds left. What to say? What to tell them? He might never see Jaq again. The rage and fear gripped him tight and suddenly it was hard to get the words out.

“Jaq, my friend, if they capture me, if we can’t communicate again, there’s something very important you need to remember.”

More sparks skittered across the floor. There were barked orders, fists hammering. He swallowed and prayed Jaq would grasp the meaning of his next words.

“The Board, all their lackeys -” Phineas clenched his fists and shook them at the screen. “They’re all a bunch of SWINE!”

Metal screeched, the troopers shouted commands outside the door. They could hear him in here, he was sure of it, but Phineas was certain they were too dull-witted to catch any other meaning behind his words than pure vitriolic fury.

“Do you hear me?” he yelled. “They’re fucking corporate SWINE!”

Jaq would understand – they had to understand.

The door was bowing inward, it sounded like the UDL were taking a battering ram to it. The siren blared louder and Phineas braced himself.

“You fucking pigs! I’ll take you all out with me, I’ll never - ”

The heat of the blast hit him with the force of a raging primal and Phineas was carried off his feet, thrown backwards against the wall where he crumpled in a heap, gasping for breath. For a second he couldn’t feel anything at all and then pain flared throughout every nerve ending. The room span and something sticky and wet coated the back of his head when he managed to raise a hand and fumble at it.

He only had a second to attempt to process what was happening before the room was suddenly filled with boots and armour and noise. Smoke was pouring in through the door, stinging his eyes, blurring his vision so that the hulking figure that descended upon him seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Phineas lashed out, landing an impotent blow to the thick armour of the trooper’s helmet. He scrabbled and tore at it, desperate to rip it off, to find any fleshy part of the figure that he could inflict damage upon, but his fingers scraped uselessly at the thick metal plate and the guard gripped his wrist tight.

Phineas heard the crack even through the ringing in his ears and an agonising jolt lanced up his arm. He wanted to scream in pain, to yell curses and threats and spit fury in the face of the Board’s witless slaves, but an enormous armoured hand closed around his throat, crushing the breath from him.

“Alive! We need him alive,” someone yelled.

The pressure didn’t let up and with his good hand, Phineas clawed at the fingers choking him. It made no difference. His vision began to swim, darkness creeping in around the edges. He kicked out and tried to punch again at the helmet that leant in close, seeming to sneer at him as he struggled.

“Going to play nice, Welles?”

The grip on his throat eased a fraction. Phineas sucked in a crackling breath that burned his lungs, and stared into the trooper’s visor.

“Fuck you,” he croaked before a crashing blow to the head sent him into the black.

A horrible fleshy squelching broke the silence of the lab as Jaq’s fingers rummage through the cystypig’s innards. They fumbled and slipped on bits of gristle and bulging organs and other things they really didn’t want to consider. Trust Phineas to choose such a disgusting hiding place, they thought and then tried to shove aside the desperate fear that gripped them.

When they’d come bounding back up the gangway of the Unreliable after completing the skip jump, Jaq had been full of delirious, relieved energy and already anticipating the look on Phineas' face when they contacted the lab to tell him of their success. And then ADA had summoned them to the comms terminal before they could speak and Jaq could only watch in freezing panic as Phineas’ message played out, cut short by a sudden explosion and a crackle of static.

Fear had driven them to race to the Orbital lab but a furious calm had steadied their hand when they’d discovered a handful of his captors still present. Their boots had crunched over shards of broken glass, rifle steady against their shoulder as they picked off the troopers who’d dared to set foot in his home. Jaq took a grim satisfaction in watching the heavily armoured figures drop that they’d never before felt from pulling a trigger.

It was once the UDL troopers lay dead at their feet and they paused to survey the destruction that Jaq finally understood Phineas’ message. At first, his furious ranting had seemed the words of a desperate man, supressing his fear beneath hatred. Then they’d spotted the remains of his experiments lying around the lab and in particular, the many dead cystypigs laid out on medical gurneys much like the one they had awoken upon.

“Anything, boss?”

Jaq glanced up from where most of their forearm had now disappeared inside the animal’s guts to see Felix hovering in what remained of the doorway. He looked faintly green as he watched them and Jaq tried to supress their own gag reflex. The smell was growing increasingly unbearable.

Just as they were on the verge of giving up and moving on to the next corpse, their fingers caught the edge of something firm and angular. They drew it out as quickly as they could without losing their grip and then jogged to Phineas computer, wiping off the passkey on their trousers as they went. Jaq was relived not to have to ask Max to hack the terminal. Whatever was on there, the fewer people who saw it, the better.

With bloody fingers, Jaq booted up the computer. They scanned the text quickly, ignoring all the bits about being executed and what to do with Phineas’ body. There was no chance they were going to let that happen, no matter the cost.

Jaq hammered the button to open the panel to the emergency care package he had apparently left them and was all set to head down the corridor to his personal quarters before something steadied them. Maybe he had left another message for them in the terminal memory? They should check before they moved on.

Phineas’ logs filled the screen, a stream of yellow text that told the story of a brilliant and arrogant young man who had pitted his wits and his courage and his ego against the might of the Board. A man who had made many horrific mistakes and fallen further and further into despair. A man whose guilt consumed him.

The more Jaq read, the tighter they gripped their rifle, as they attempted to process the terrible sacrifices that had been made so that they could live. Twelve colonists. Twelve people. Their lives cut horribly short, their bodies liquefied and their remains jettisoned into the ether.

Nausea threatened to overwhelm Jaq. Phineas had never mentioned this, not even when they had admitted to their own murderous mistake. Why hadn’t he told them?

And yet a voice in the back of their mind whispered that they’d always known, always figured they couldn’t have been the first. Phineas was bold and he was brilliant, but everyone got things wrong and prototypes often failed. And who were they to judge? After the lives they had taken. Wasn't this just as much their burden as his?

“Captain?”

Jaq’s head snapped up to see Max standing beside Felix. The vicar’s gaze held theirs, steady, certain. He narrowed his eyes for a moment and Jaq wondered if he’d somehow read the truth in their eyes, whether Phineas’ guilt and their own guilt and all the terrible, awful things they’d both done were plain for everyone to see. Then Max shouldered his shotgun and nodded to where the rest of the crew stood beyond the glass.

“What are your orders?”

Jaq straightened up. Right. They were still the Captain and regardless of how they had found themselves thrust into this position they still had a responsibility to their crew, and to Phineas.

“Wait here,” they said, withdrawing the passkey from the terminal and slipping it into their pocket. “There’s something I need to get.”

Phineas’ quarters were almost as much of a state as the lab. Whether that was because he was always this untidy or the UDL troopers had tossed the room, Jaq couldn’t be sure. Regardless, they sidestepped the mess and hurriedly made their way to the open panel in the wall. Phineas had done a hell of a job of preparing for a raid, but then he had had thirty-five years to plan.

The first thing Jaq noticed was the gun. They didn’t think they’d ever seen much weaponry in the lab before so it was strange to suddenly discover the rifle tucked away with the stash of chemical and countless notebooks and datapads. Why hadn’t Phineas taken it to defend himself?

When they slid it towards them, a note drifted to their feet and they knelt to collect it, doing their best not to smear the words with cystypig blood.

_“Jaq, my comrade, my friend, my hope. This will do more good in your hands than it ever could in mine. Give them hell.”_

That raised a grim smile to Jaq’s lips and they nodded, running their hands over the barrel. Oh, they would. But once this was done, they hoped they never had cause to touch a weapon again.

They shouldered the rifle and reached in once more for what was unmistakably a navkey. ‘TARTARUS’ was stamped in ominous black letters across it. It was sat next to a pile of what appeared to be journals. The pages of one were flipped open, apparently tossed in last minute, probably just before the UDL had docked at the lab. Jaq didn’t wish to pry but after everything they had already read, seeing their name on the pages made it impossible to tear their gaze away.

The entry was dated some time around Jaq’s first visit to the lab after they’d finally made it off Terra 2. Phineas’ handwriting was spidery but fairly clear and they only had to squint a little to make sense of it.

_“Subject number 13, my only success. And what a success they are. The Captain is more than I could have ever expected and proving a worthy ally. Hope within reach.”_

_“Captain experiencing unusual side-effects, several theories as to why. Must investigate further.”_

There followed several pages of musings on the time dilation effect. Jaq thumbed through them, blinking in surprise at the detail with which Phineas had noted down each instance they had spoken about the issue with him, including asides regarding their general health and demeanour on transmissions. They’d had no idea he was recording this much information on them or paying such close attention.

His more detailed theories were interrupted with scribbles regarding recipes he had attempted from the supplies Jaq had brought him, occasional diagrams for odd inventions and a handful of personal notes. Phineas did not seem to discriminate between his work and any other thought that arose.

_“New dreams replacing nightmares on occasion. They are . . . troubling, and bittersweet. Must not allow self to become distracted.”_

That had been scribbled in the margin beside a breakdown of the workings of the mind control ray Jaq had brought him.

_“Frequency of the dreams increasing. Beginning to miss the nightmares. They haunt me less during the day. Several attempts at relief have not aided in removing the distraction.”_

Jaq frowned at that, concerned. Phineas’ terminal had made clear the horrors he had been responsible for during his attempts to revive their predecessors. Jaq had a good idea of what it would have looked like - the nights since they had retrieved the dimethyl sulfoxide had been filled with muffled screams and bodies in tanks. They shivered. What could be worse than that?

They scanned downwards, hoping for more information but there was little there besides crossed through formulas and what appeared to be a tally of sprats he had caught, as well as occasional comments regarding their conversations over secure transmission.

_“Jaq brought more supplies today. Lots of purpleberry munch. My favourite. Must remember to thank them. They are a good friend.”_

There was a smiley face drawn next to the note and a sudden pressure filled Jaq’s chest forcing a shaky laugh from their throat. The man really did have quite the sweet tooth.

The next few notes were a barely legible scribble, clearly done in a rush. They referred to how to make use of the chemical should he not be able to administer it himself. Phineas had planned for the chance he would not survive to see the revival process through.

_“Board on the way. Have done all I can. Jaq will know what to do.”_

Jaq took a deep breath and snatched up the navkey. Yes, they absolutely did. Even if they had to tear apart the Board atom by atom, they would do whatever it took to get him back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated but content warning for torture in this chapter

Rough hands hauling him along unfamiliar corridors, the screams and taunts of desperate prisoners echoing around cells. Then darkness.

Phineas floated on the edge of consciousness. He was vaguely aware of low voices conversing near him but his mind was foggy and he struggled to comprehend anything beyond a deep ache flooding every inch of his body. Someone was giving orders and the sound of armoured feet striking the deck reverberated around his mind. They moved closer and from behind his eyelids he just saw a shadow fall across him.

A stinging crack struck his face and Phineas awoke with a gasp. His cheek flared with pain and tears sprung to his eyes as they snapped open then immediately flinched shut again against the blinding glare of spotlights. He coughed and spluttered, each gasp for breath burning his lungs and clawing at his bruised throat.

“Ahh, Doctor Welles. Back in the land of the living are we?”

He cringed back from the voice and discovered he was strapped in tight to a chair, cruel metal cuffs biting at his wrists and ankles, a thick band wrapped around his neck. A UDL trooper in heavy armour loomed over him and then at their side appeared a slighter figure dressed in a pristine military uniform. 

“Akande, I take it?” he rasped.

The woman gave him a contemptuous look. “That’s Adjutant Akande to you, dissident scum.”

Phineas gave a hoarse laugh and summoning what little moisture was in his mouth, spat at her feet.

“Bootlicker in chief,” he sneered.

The next blow snapped his head back against the chair. Phineas groaned, the harsh iron tang of blood flooding his mouth. When he opened his eyes, Akande was kneading at her knuckles.

“You can co-operate now or you can do so after I’ve had the guards beat you senseless, it’s your choice. It doesn’t matter to me how much of your body is left functioning, I only need your mind.”

Phineas swallowed but kept his gaze level and fixed on the Adjutant, refusing to lower it. He was beginning to sweat, a cold trickle at his back, and he fought to keep his breathing under control as the creeping, freezing dread that filled him set his fingers to trembling. He gripped the arms of the chair. He would not let an agent of the Board see his fear.

As if pondering any other experiment, he tried to calculate how long it would take them to break him. Days? Hours? He wasn’t as strong as he’d been in his youth, his bones made brittle through years of poor nutrition, his lean muscle atrophied by neglect. There was little meat left on him to soften the blows but he was determined he would die before he gave them anything.

“No one knows you’re here, Welles,” the Adjutant taunted. “No one cares. You’ll die in this cell and not a single soul in the colony will mourn you.”

The words struck a blow as hard as any fist, twisting his gut. Alone. He’d always been alone. Even before going on the run, he’d never had much in the way of friendships, always too focused on his work to have time for human connection.

“You might as well spare yourself some pain, there’s no one coming to save you.”

But no, that wasn’t true now a tiny voice reminded him. He had Jaq. And Jaq wouldn’t leave him here, they wouldn’t abandon him. Phineas clutched at the thought, gripped it tight and hoped it would see him through whatever was to come.

Perhaps that tiny glimmer of hope had shown in his eyes as Akande smirked.

“Ahh, yes, I had forgotten about the recalcitrant Captain Evenshaw.” She leant in, fingers curling around his shattered wrist, squeezing. Phineas gasped in pain. “If your Captain is foolish enough to come here then I will take great pleasure in seeing their remains scraped off the deck of the docking bay once my troops are done with them.”

The pressure didn’t let up, fire lancing up his arm. Phineas bit his lip. He would not scream. He would not, he would not, he would –

“You’ve summoned your Captain to their death, Welles.”

A whimper just broke past his lips. He could almost hear the bones grinding together as Akande leaned her weight on his wrist.

“You could give me what I want and I might even consider making it quick and painless for them.”

Phineas screwed up his eyes to block out the malicious grin, every muscle in his body tensed against the agony in his arm.

“Or, maybe I’ll have the Captain brought here and you can watch me take them apart, piece by piece, until you give in.”

His mind recoiled at the thought, unbearable as it was. He knew the horrors the Board was capable of but he also knew what Jaq could do.

Phineas had never been a believer. He’d rejected early on the idea of putting his life in the hands of some unknowable plan, some unseen force. He put his faith in that which was tangible, that which he could analyse and test and examine. Jaq wasn’t some fairy tale devised to put people in their place and resign their spirits to toil. They were his greatest success. And they were whole and human and they’d been so warm and solid when they’d held him. And they’d never let him down.

He opened his eyes, fixing them on his tormentor.

“They’re coming for me,” he stammered, fighting for breath, his nerves screaming to _stop, please, make it stop_. He fought down the urge to sob and grit his teeth. “They’re coming for me and you won’t be able to stop them.”

Akande gave one last hard squeeze that left him reeling in pain, then stepped back. Phineas panted, staring up at the adjutant. There was a curious expression on the woman’s face for a moment as she surveyed him, he almost thought it might have been fear. Then it was gone, the cold corporate sneer back in its place. She snapped her fingers and the guard stepped forward once more, light glinting off the armoured plates that covered their hulking figure.

“If you don’t start talking, Welles, there’ll be nothing left for your Captain to rescue.”

Aim. Fire. Reload.

Jaq repeated the movements over and over again, breathing hard within the tight confines of their helmet, sweat trickling in their eyes. They blinked it away as the trooper before them hit the deck, crumpling in a mass of shattered armour and piercing screams. Jaq barely registered the noise and stepped over the body, pressing onwards, deeper into the prison.

The fighting had been relentless from the moment their boots had struck Tartarus’ docking bay and their arms were beginning to ache. The rifle Phineas’ had bestowed upon them was heavier than they were used to, the plasma blast recoil kicking into their shoulder hard enough to bruise. But what it lacked in portability it made up for in sheer force and Jaq endured the pain as they cut a bloody swathe through the Board’s agents.

The stench of Tartarus was unlike anything they had ever known, the scrubber units that recycled the air unable to remove the scent of disease and decay that came from thousands of desperate, abandoned souls caged one atop the other. It stank like a morgue that someone had doused in bleach and as it burned in Jaq’s lungs, bile rose in their throat. The thought of Phineas locked up here was unbearable.

A round zipped past their head and Jaq hurled themselves behind the cover provided by a blast door wedged half open just as the wall behind them exploded in a mass of concrete and metal shards. The debris rained down over them, bouncing harmlessly off their body armour.

Beside them, Felix swore repeatedly, struggling to reload his weapon. When he finally snapped the clip in place, he went to dart out. Jaq grasped their young crewmate by the neck of his jacket, dragging him backwards before another burst of gunfire could take him in the chest. He yelped as he was hauled back.

“Shit! Thanks, boss!”

Jaq ignored him, they’d long since got used to the way the kid’s bravery got ahead of his brain sometimes. They crouched, waiting for a break in the assault before they took a steadying breath and swung in the direction of fire. Two smooth squeezes of the trigger and their adversary was down. Jaq was out and sprinting across the security room before Felix had regained his footing.

There were MSI troops storming ahead of them, fighting side by side with the iconoclast outlaws and a handful of Groundbreaker mardets. Jaq didn’t have time to contemplate how the factions had been alerted to their cause or made it to Tartarus in time, but seeing them all pouring out of the breaching vessels had set the crew to whooping and hollering, a sudden intoxicating rush of hope overwhelming them all. It had faded as allies had fallen around them, snipers lurking on the gantries picking them off one by one as they’d fought their way in.

There was a scream of pain from somewhere directly behind Jaq and they turned in time to see Ellie hunkering down beside the body of a fallen mardet, their turquoise uniform now spattered red. Jaq had a second to register an odd kind of second-hand guilt for leading them all into this slaughter before Max was yelling to follow him and they shook off the feeling. They didn’t have time for that kind of sentiment.

They wound their way deeper into the labyrinth, ears ringing with each shot. Nyoka’s LMG sang out beside them providing cover through the endless corridors and security checkpoints. The steady thrum of it was almost soothing and for a short while, Jaq lost themselves in the routine of it all. There’d barely been a day since they’d awoken that they hadn’t fired a shot and they were so tired of it all but the familiarity of the weapon in their hands and the noise and the pulsing of their own blood in their ears gave them something to cling to.

Until they hit the rec yard and came face to face with hulking figure of the automech.

“Parvati, the doors!” Jaq yelled between bursts of fire. The mech launched forward and they flung themselves sideways, hitting the deck with a dull thud that left them winded. Before it could bear down on them, Max’s shotgun blast took a chunk out of its chest plate and Jaq, sprawled on their back, watched as it turned the weapon towards the vicar.

“Dropkick!”

Felix hurtled across the yard in a blur of red, his feet slamming into an unsuspecting drone. The ball of spinning metal struck the automech from behind, exploding in a burst of light and smoke. Jaq’s ears rang and through it they heard Felix’s elated laughter.

“Did you see that, boss?” he yelled, whooping and punching the air. His celebrations trailed off as the mech staggered and span, recovering its equilibrium. “Oh, shit!”

Jaq scrambled to their feet, dragging Max back up with them. He was limping heavily, his bad knee struggling under the weight of his armour and the mad dash they’d made through the grey and chrome of the prison. He’d lead Jaq this far but it didn’t look like he’d be able to go much further.

Max grasped their shoulder, leaning his weight on them for a moment as Felix ducked an incoming blast from the mech. “Through the doors and just keep following the stairs up,” he panted through gritted teeth.

Jaq followed his gaze past the fight to where Parvati had managed to force the blast door open. She crouched, back to the wall, revolver blasting away as she kept more of the combat drones at bay.

“We need to take this thing down,” Jaq said, hauling the vicar upright. He was reloading his shotgun and already pulling away from them, shoulders squared.

Another blast of heat washed over them as Nyoka sprayed bullets at the drones pining Parvati down and cogs and flywheels span through the air, exploding against the concrete pillars surrounding them. The huntress sprinted over, a sheen of sweat coating her face as she hefted her weapon. The route was suddenly clear, the automech distracted by the wave of rounds ricocheting off its chest plate and Felix’s darting movements. For a moment, Jaq marvelled at the coordinated actions of the crew, each slotting into their place in the unit perfectly as if they’d trained for this for years. Then Max’s shotgun boomed beside them and they raised their own weapon again.

The mech was stumbling and reeling now but showed no signs of faltering against the onslaught. Jaq’s frustration rose as they dodged pulses of electric from the combat drones and smashed one from the air with the butt of the rifle. This was taking too long, they needed to get past, needed to push on.

A sudden movement in the corner of their eye had them swinging round but rather than an enemy’s sites it was Nyoka suddenly facing them.

“Go!” she yelled, jabbing a hand at the blast door behind where the mech had fallen to one knee.

Jaq hesitated for a second, torn between leaving their crew and making a desperate last dash to Phineas. Nyoka shoved them towards the doorway an almost giddy grin creeping its way across her face.

“We’ll finish this, Cap’n. Go save your scientist.” 

Jaq didn’t need telling twice. They sprinted for the door, Felix half a step behind.

Their legs felt leaden beneath them as they bounded up the stairs. They lurched around corners, weapon readied, their breathing slowing as they fought to retain control. They were so close now.

The drab grey of the corridor surrounding them gave way to a sudden flash of golden opulence as they stepped out into a gilded reception area and the stench of Tartarus faded away behind a layer of clean, clinical fragrance. Bizarrely, there was a quiet tune playing in the background and through the muffled gunfire and yells, Jaq recognised it as a corporate jingle.

It was all so surreal the Captain nearly staggered to a halt. Then through the grimy visor of their helmet, they spotted the double doors at the top of the stairs. Jaq gripped the rifle tight and sprinted up them, prepared to meet a hail of gunfire as they booted through the door.

A single shot rang out, striking the wall beside their head, embedding itself in the brickwork and Jaq pulled the trigger before the crack of the revolver had even faded. There was a spray of red and the adjutant crumpled to the floor.

The Captain barely registered crossing the room to crouch beside the body, one hand riffling through Akande’s pockets. The short-range at which they had fired the shot had left a gaping hole square in the centre of the woman’s chest, her body a mess of torn muscle and shattered bone. Jaq ignored the viscera coating the floor where they knelt, a slowly creeping despair washing over them. Behind the huge glass panel now spattered in Akande’s blood, was Phineas, slumped in a chair and unmoving.

Half in a daze, Jaq grasped the keycard and slammed it to the security panel. The second the lock clicked, they threw their shoulder into the door and barrelled into the cell, weapon raised in the event that there were any guards stupid enough to stand in their way. But no one stood before them, there was only the chair and the still body strapped in tight.

For a horrible, crushing moment Jaq thought they were too late. Then, achingly slowly, Phineas raised his head, his chest jolting with shallow breaths. His grey eyes widened as they fell upon the Captain and for a second fear and pain was reflected back at them before his bloodied lips cracked open, his mouth twisted into a defiant sneer and Jaq suddenly realised he didn’t recognise them in their battered, stolen armour. Dropping their weapon, Jaq ripped off their helmet.

They saw the moment Phineas finally registered what was happening and the look of desperate hope blossoming on his face hit them with the force of a plasma blast.

“Jaq?”

His voice broke on the word and they were across the room in an instant.

Jaq’s face was smeared with sweat and grime, their hair plastered to their forehead, streaks of grease on their cheeks and blood at their lip. Phineas had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.

“You’re here,” he stuttered, as they dropped to their knees before him and began tearing away the manacles that had kept him pinned in place. As the pressure finally let up on his wrist he could have sobbed in relief. Instead, a delirious choked laugh forced its way from his throat. “You lunatic! You broke into the Board’s own fortress just to rescue one doddering old man?”

He had sat here under the spotlights for what had felt like an eternity, pain flooding his body, mind reeling. As time had dragged on, he couldn’t be sure whether he was truly hearing the faint sounds of gunfire and explosions just drifting to him through the vents or if his desperate mind was conjuring the phantom sounds of rescue as something to cling to. But now Jaq’s hands were at his neck, snapping the catch on the final restraint, their soft fingers grazing over the bruises to his throat and Phineas stared into the eyes of his rescuer.

“You know I’d never leave you like this,” Jaq assured him and all he could do was nod faintly.

Jaq rose to their feet, helping him up, but as the fear and desperation faded, the last of Phineas’ energy seemed to drain with it. When he tried to stand, his legs gave way beneath him and he only succeeded in pitching forward into Jaq’s arms.

“I’ve got you.”

Their voice was muffled in his ear and they held him close as the room span and lurched. With one hand, Phineas clung to their body armour, the other hanging limp at his side. “I’ve got you, Phin. You’re going to be alright.”

He was vaguely aware of Jaq turning to call across the room though it was starting to become difficult to keep his eyes open. Through blurred vision, he saw young Mr Millstone come trotting towards him before another arm wrapped around his waist and he was carried off his feet. Under other circumstances he might have protested, now he let the two of them bear him from the room as he struggled to remain conscious.

Phineas’ head rolled onto the Captain’s shoulder at an awkward angle. There were figures stood around them and briefly, even through the fog of pain, he noted the body lying in a pool of blood on the floor. Akande looked so much less intimidating stretched out like that, with her limbs all twisted and buckled at impossible angles.

“Phin?”

“Hmmm?” he managed, though it turned into more of a groan. The clanging metal of armoured feet reverberated around his skull. Where were they taking him? Why did everything hurt so much? Was that a Groundbreaker mardet’s uniform or was he going mad?

“Talk to me, Phin,” a voice murmured in his ear. It was a pleasant voice, Phineas thought, and he sighed when Jaq’s chin bumped his head. He could fall asleep here, nestled into them like this. That would be fine, he would be safe.

He heard his name spoken again, a little more urgently this time and he remembered Jaq’s request.

“What about?”

“Anything,” Jaq replied and Phineas could hear a strain in their voice now. Perhaps he was heavier than his friend had expected, though they seemed to be moving quite fast now.

“I need to hear your voice, just let me know you’re still with me.”

Those words provoked a sudden pressure in his chest, though Phineas couldn’t quite place his finger on why.

A soft, “oh,” was all he managed in response and then as they clattered down a gangway towards a lift, he rallied himself. “Alright then.”

He spoke of Earth and the Board and the plight of Halcyon, the words coming in fits and starts as his throat protested and he forced himself to continue. As they passed a blur of concerned faces Phineas wasn’t entirely sure how much he said aloud and how much got lost between his foggy brain and his dry mouth but Jaq didn’t interrupt, continuing to carrying him further away from the source of his suffering.

It was only when they hit a sudden sharp upwards slope that he stuttered to a halt, no longer able to continue. One of the arms around his waist seemed to retreat and before he knew what was happening, Phineas found he was hoisted up and into the Captain’s arms and they were carrying him up a narrow flight of stairs.

“Ellie, with me,” Jaq shouted over their shoulder before glancing down at him. There was a raw, concerned look in their eyes that he wanted to soothe away but it was suddenly impossible to force his body to do anything more than blink up at them. He was so, so tired.

There was the sound of rapid footsteps, the faint whir and hum of an unfamiliar engine and was that Jaq’s navigation computer he could hear relaying ship status updates faintly in the background? It was so hard to tell anymore.

He was jolted uncomfortably for a moment and then Phineas felt himself lowered down and a soft pressure at his back. It almost felt like he was laid out in bed, back in the orbital lab. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? Perhaps he was dreaming. That seemed likely, Jaq was holding him after all and that only ever happened in his sleep.

“Phin?”

There were hands on his face and they were soothing at his cheeks rather than raining down hard blows. Why did Jaq sound so worried? They didn’t need to say his name like that, like they were pleading with him for something. Everything was alright now, everything was fine.

Phineas drifted off with his friend’s voice ringing in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this possibly the most melodramatic thing I have ever written? Yes. Will it somehow manage to get even more angsty? Also yes.


	15. Chapter 15

Phineas’ face was usually so animated. Those bushy grey brows darting up and down in response to something Jaq had said or whatever idea had popped into his mind, the deep lines at the corner of his eyes tightening in a frown or lightening with a smile, lips cracking open to laugh or curse or smirk at something. Jaq loved how expressive the man was, so to see him so still was terrifying.

“Captain?”

He looked smaller somehow, stretched out on their bed and with Ellie bent over him monitoring his vitals. Jaq had always been aware Phineas was skinny and getting on in years, but he had never seemed frail, instead always so energetic and driven whenever they spoke.

“Captain? A moment?”

Jaq had removed Phineas' jacket and boots in an effort to make him more comfortable and allow Ellie to get a better look at his injuries. Concussion, dehydration, exhaustion, there were so many things worrying Jaq and that was before the sawbones had even gotten to trying to set his broken wrist.

“Captain!” the voice said again, and this time Jaq reluctantly tore their gaze away from Phineas.

When they glanced over their shoulder, the broad form of the Vicar was filling the doorway, an apologetic expression on his face.

“Zora and the others are asking to speak to you.”

Jaq stifled a sigh of frustration. This was the second request – first Sanjar, now Zora. Jaq suspected the only reason Junlei hadn’t asked after them was because she was with Parvati. They knew they really should go and speak to the faction leaders. After everything Phineas had said about Earth going dark, it was clear someone needed to start formulating a plan for saving the colony.

Still, Jaq hovered by the bed, frozen in indecision. It didn’t seem right to leave him like this, not so soon after getting him back.

“Might be a while before he wakes up,” Ellie said, straightening up and rolling down her sleeves before gathering up her medical kit. “He’s stable but the Doc’s been through the wringer.”

She shouldered her bag and Jaq stood aside to let her make her way towards the door. Phineas might have had priority but there were many more sat injured in the docking bay and Ellie’s skills were needed elsewhere.

“I don’t want him to be alone when he wakes up,” Jaq said, turning to Max.

“I’ll sit with him,” the vicar offered. “Until you get back.”

Ellie gave a snort. “I dunno, Vic. Some of those dying mardets out there might appreciate last rights or something.”

She had a point. By the time Jaq and Felix had emerged with Phineas hoisted between them their allies had managed to take control of the prison, though not without incurring losses.

“I’ll find Felix and get him to come relieve you,” Jaq said to Max, and with a last look to the unconscious figure of Phineas, made their way from the ship.

The docking bay was a hive of activity when the Captain descended the landing ramp. There were figures rushing to and fro and the weary survivors of the various factions were carrying their injured comrades back to their vessels. The Iconoclasts seemed to have taken on the work of rounding up the UDL guards that had surrendered and in amongst them, Jaq found Felix and Nyoka hauling a squirming chairman Rockwell down the gangway.

“Get your filthy hands off me, this suit is worth more than your lives – Ow!”

Felix wiped his palm off on his trousers as if something greasy had coated it where he had slapped the Chairman upside of the head. Rockwell cursed repeatedly.

“What do you want to do with him, boss?” their crewmate asked, depositing the man at their feet. “Execute him?”

Jaq stared down at the trembling chairman, his eyes darting this way and that like a cornered sprat, that sneer of haughty defiance wiped away for once. Without the benefit of the makeup crew and post-production effects of his video messages, he appeared more flabby and pathetic than imposing. That didn’t stop Jaq from wanting to put a bullet through the man’s head for what he’d had done to Phineas. It was sobering to realise they could make that choice.

“Captain?” Nyoka asked, and Jaq realised she and Felix were waiting for them to speak. And they weren’t the only ones.

Around them, Jaq noted much of the activity had halted and the tired faces of MSI troops, mardets and outlaws were turned to them, expectant. Zora and Sanjar were making their way over as well and Jaq found the sudden weight of responsibility crushing.

“Hand him over to Junlei, he’s to be held on Groundbreaker,” Jaq ordered. That should buy them some time to figure out what to do with the man. If Zora got her hands on him they weren’t sure what might happen.

“Felix?”

He was yanking a protesting Rockwell to his feet again but halted at Jaq’s request.

“I need you to keep an eye on Phineas for me.”

“Aye aye, boss,” Felix replied with a quick salute. “I’ll watch over him for you.”

With that, he and Nyoka turned away, making for the Groundbreaker landing ships, and Jaq found they couldn’t avoid the faction chiefs any longer.

Phineas felt fuzzy, that was the only word for it.

It was like there was a faint buzzing through his whole body. A strange, warm, tingly sensation that stretched from his head to his toes. Beneath it, there was a dull ache that he was faintly aware would probably become increasingly uncomfortable, but for now, he was content to lie still in bed beneath the soft sheets, the faint sounds of an engine thrumming and familiar voices chattering some distance away letting him know he was safe.

He nestled deeper beneath the blankets. There was a familiar scent to them, something pleasant that brought a smile to his face, and oh . . . that hurt.

Phineas grimaced and the movement of his muscles increased the pain until he gave a soft groan. The quiet sound of keys clacking nearby halted abruptly and when he opened his eyes, Jaq had spun around in their chair, whatever message they had been tapping out at their terminal now abandoned as they knelt beside the bed, their concerned gaze sweeping over him.

“Water?” he managed through another groan and when he coughed his ribs protested. Oh dear law, everything hurt.

Jaq rose to their feet immediately, the hand that had been resting on his shoulder slipping away. Phineas missed the weight of it until Jaq returned clutching a glass of water, painkillers in hand, and then proceeded to set the items aside whilst they cautiously assisted him to sit up.

“Steady, drink slowly,” they said, propping pillows behind his back. Jaq took a knee before him smiling gently as he swallowed the pills. His throat was raw but somehow he managed to get them down.

“We don’t want a repeat of when I vomited on your boots,” Jaq added. Phineas managed to smile gingerly at that and there was a certain measure of relief in Jaq’s eyes when he met them this time.

“That was a side effect of stasis,” he croaked, and found that the few gulps of water he had managed had soothed his throat enough to make speaking less of a chore. “Gastric acid on an empty stomach and dimethyl sulfoxide in your system. I don’t have cryo-fluid still flowing through my veins like you did.”

“No, but you have been given an interesting cocktail of painkillers courtesy of Ellie, as well as a concussion.”

He went to raise his hand to feel for stitches and as he did, Phineas realised his left wrist was set in a cast. He ran his fingers over it, remembering the way Akande had leant her weight on the bones as she taunted him. He shuddered.

“Where are we?” he asked, trying to push away the memory of his captivity. The vibrations of the engine humming through the bunk of the Captain’s bed made it clear they were in flight but quite where Jaq had set course for he wasn’t sure.

Jaq straightened up, making their way to the door and shutting it with a soft thump before they returned to their chair. It was only now he noted they had cleaned up, shedding their armour in favour of a t-shirt and trousers. Their hair didn’t even look damp so Phineas could only assume he had been unconscious for some time.

“En-route to Groundbreaker,” Jaq said wearily. “I asked Zora and Sanjar to meet us there and was just getting a message over to Minister Clarke. We’re going to hold a meeting and figure out what to do about everything.”

Phineas nodded at that then immediately regretted it as the movement sent pain up his neck. Jaq had clearly been busy whilst he slept. He felt a swell of pride at the thought.

“And the Board?”

“We found Rockwell hiding out in his studio. The mardets are holding him hostage.”

He snorted. “Should have put a bullet in him,” he muttered, rubbing at his wrist. There were a great many things he would never forgive the Chairman and the rest of his cronies for, the ache in his body was the least of them.

Jaq remained silent and when Phineas looked up there was wariness to their gaze he hadn’t seen before. It unnerved him and he shifted uncomfortably against the soft pillows, suddenly feeling vulnerable under their scrutiny.

“I read about the others, Phin. The colonists who came before me.”

The words struck like a punch to the gut and Phineas froze. His terminal logs – of course they had read the words. They knew what he had done.

His breath caught in his chest, his pulse suddenly rising as the same cold dread he’d felt when held hostage began to creep through him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaq asked.

His back twinged and he realised he’d curled into the sheets, away from Jaq. Their words had been quiet, no frown marring their features, they were only watching him with a strange sadness filling their eyes. They must hate him, he realised. How could they not? All those people he’d killed, all the pain he’d inflicted and the lies he’d told. He hadn’t meant to keep it from them, but the fear that Jaq - his only ally, his only friend - would abandon him if they knew the truth, well the thought of that was unbearable and had kept him from being able to speak the words.

Now they knew. Now they would leave and he would deserve it.

“Because I needed your help,” he stuttered and swallowed hard. There was so much blood on his hands. He could still hear the screams, he need only let his mind wander for a second for the sounds to fill his ears, taunting him, blaming him . . . And worse, he knew those same screams haunted Jaq now, too. He’d made his friend take that chemical and kill the test subjects in the tanks, he had forced them to bear that same burden he had carried for so long.

“I never meant for it to happen,” he tried to explain, desperation choking the words. “I only wanted to save them – to save you all. I just . . . I didn’t have the resources and there was so little time and . . .”

Phineas realised his cheeks had grown damp, his vision blurring as the years of guilt washed over him in a rush. Maybe it was the stress, or the drugs, or simply the pain, but once the tears began to fall he found he couldn’t stop them.

“I didn’t mean to kill them,” he choked. “I never meant to hurt anyone, I only wanted to help.”

He didn’t recall seeing Jaq slip from their chair but suddenly their arms were around him, embracing him, and he found himself burying his face in their neck, great heaving sobs wracking his chest. Law it hurt, it hurt so much, but Phineas couldn’t seem to stop.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything, Jaq.”

How were they still here? How were holding him, their scent enveloping him and soft hands soothing at his back? By rights, Jaq should have turned away from him in disgust and he wouldn’t have blamed them. He’d done monstrous things, unforgivable things . . . 

“I forgive you.”

For a moment, Phineas thought his mind had cracked. But then the words were whispered again and he felt a hand slide into the wild strands of his hair and Jaq’s lips briefly brushed his ear and, Architect forgive him, but he shivered at the sensation.

"I forgive you, Phineas."

Phineas trembled in Jaq’s arms and they prayed they weren’t hurting him by holding him this tight but they truly didn’t want him to notice the tears tracking down their face. They remembered the words he’d written in his terminal logs and knew it wouldn’t help him to see how much their own guilt and grief hurt them. If they could offer him any form of comfort, it was in their genuine forgiveness as a colonist.

“Why?” he asked, the word muffled against them. He sounded utterly confused but his voice was a little steadier than it had been.

“Because I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t done what you did.”

It was a selfish answer, Jaq knew. It could so easily have been them that had been reduced to a puddle of organs and blood on the deck of the orbital lab, but instead, Phineas’ previous mistakes had paved the way for their successful revival. He had brought them back, and more than that, he had given them the gift of purpose and hope and something worth fighting for. For that, they would always be grateful.

And besides, if Phineas couldn’t be forgiven, then neither could they.

“You’re a hero to me, Phin,” Jaq said, running their fingers through his hair, cautious not to catch the line of neat stitches Ellie had put in.

Phineas gave a hoarse, derisive laugh at that and it was so similar to the one Jaq themselves had given when Parvati had told them the same thing that they didn’t bother to counter it. His physical injuries would repair in time, they only hoped the deeper wounds he carried could also be healed.

“I’m only sorry you had to bear this alone.”

He didn’t respond and Jaq noted that although his breathing had slowed he hadn’t made any attempt to move, still clinging to them. They drew back a little to look at him but not before swiping at their eyes with the back of their hand. Phineas’ were shut, the grey orbs that held so much fear hidden from them.

“You’re not alone anymore,” they promised him. “We can make this right, together.”

Eventually, he nodded and it was such a relief Jaq gave a heavy sigh. They shifted, their thighs burning and protesting at the awkward half-crouch they were in beside the bed. The position was deeply uncomfortable but they’d stay there all night if Phineas needed them to.

Just as they were trying to figure out a way of relieving the lactic acid build up in their legs, Phineas raised his head. His eyes were red-rimmed and downcast as he stared at their shoulder.

“I’m sorry . . . your shirt . . .” He trailed off.

Jaq looked down. The cotton was soaked through and sticking to them. They gave a shrug. “Doesn’t matter,” they mumbled, but Phineas plucked at the damp patch and frowned as if embarrassed by the sight of it.

“But there are so many bacteria in the nose. Staphylococcus aureus, Klebsiella, propi-” he argued until they cut him off.

“Then I’ll change it,” Jaq assured him. “Nothing broken that can’t be fixed.”

Phineas halted in his rambling and Jaq saw his throat bob as he swallowed hard. “I suppose not,” he said, uncertain.

He untangled his fingers from where they had been tightly bound in Jaq’s shirt, stretching the material, but he didn’t pull away. It was only when Jaq shifted their weight to their knees that he straightened up. He looked drowsy, Jaq thought. The painkillers were probably kicking in again.

“You should get some more rest,” they said, reluctantly loosening their hold on him so that their arms were resting at his waist atop the sheets. 

Jaq rose to their feet and turned their back to Phineas for a moment before peeling off their shirt. They threw it into the dented amo crate that served as a washing basket and pulled on a relatively clean replacement that had been hanging over the back of their chair. When they turned around, they noted he had made himself comfortable lying down again and was watching them with what they could only interpret as a strangely shy expression. Jaq had wanted to preserve his dignity as much as possible, and as such, Phineas was still wearing the shirt he'd had on beneath his usual lab scrubs, but there was something undeniably intimate about seeing him in their bed.

“Where will you sleep?” he asked, his fingers fidgeting with the frayed edge of the sheet.

Jaq had been about to suggest they didn’t need to sleep just yet but as they stifled a yawn, they realised exhaustion was beginning to catch up with them.

“There’s a camp bed in the hold,” they said. “I can probably dig out some blankets from somewhere.” They only hoped they would sleep deeply enough not to disturb the crew with their nightmares.

“That sounds uncomfortable,” Phineas said quietly. “Aren’t you sore from the fight?”

They were. The few minutes under lukewarm water that Jaq had managed an hour ago had been enough to wash away the sweat and grime but not enough to soothe aching muscles. A night on the flimsy camp bed would likely leave their back protesting but the alternative was . . . well . . .

“You could stay.”

He said it so quietly Jaq almost thought they had imaged the words. But no, Phineas was looking at them, torn somewhere between bashful and hopeful and maybe even a little afraid. Jaq didn’t even hesitate.

“Ok.”

There was no second-guessing, no further excuses given. Jaq just knelt and removed their boots whilst Phineas shuffled closer to the wall to make space for them in the narrow, single bed. He rolled onto his right and Jaq slid in behind him, careful not to jolt him around or knock any injuries. The space really was very small though and in an effort to get comfortable, they quickly found themselves with their chest pressed to his back, the warmth of him flooding their body. Phineas sighed.

They were really no closer than they had been when Jaq had hugged him and yet somehow this felt different. Jaq was cautious as they wrapped an arm around his waist, ready to move away in an instant if he seemed uncomfortable with them touching him. But Phineas only settled his uninjured hand atop theirs, holding it against his stomach

“Comfy?” Jaq asked. They knew they could be a restless sleeper and hoped they wouldn’t bump into him if the nightmares came.

“Yes. These painkillers are wonderful.”

They snorted and tucked in a little closer. Phineas hadn’t had a chance to shower yet and he still smelt a little of Tartarus but Jaq truly didn’t care. He was alive and he was in their arms and that was all that mattered.

“Goodnight, Phin,” they whispered.

As they closed their eyes, they felt his fingers running back and forth across their hand for a moment before he spoke, his words slow and thick with sleep.

“Goodnight, Jaq. And thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it will start getting happier soon


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance but this chapter is mostly very silly and an excuse to continue writing all the tropes. There'll be some more plot in the next one.

The scent of frying cystybits roused Phineas from a deep, mercifully dreamless sleep and as his stomach grumbled in response, he realised he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten.

Nor could he recall an occasion on which he had slept quite so well. Whether that was down to sheer exhaustion or the painkillers he’d been given, he couldn’t be sure, but it certainly had something to do with the warm body still wrapped around him.

He’d half expected Jaq to leave in the night and to wake up alone, as ever. But no, their arm was still firmly around his middle, the steady rise and fall of their chest a soothing pressure at his back and their breath tickling his hair as he stared at the wall of their bunk. Besides the thin layers of clothing between them, this was almost precisely the image his subconscious had conjured night after night and yet, somehow, it felt so much better than he could have imagined.

Well, actually, it would be considerably better if nearly every inch of him didn’t hurt in one way or another, he thought. That and if he hadn’t sobbed all over them until his nose was running and his ribs ached before they had ended up in bed together. Neither of those things had ever happened in his dreams, but then neither had Jaq forgiving him for his mistakes. Though the burden of his guilt hadn’t lifted from his shoulders overnight, it did feel a little lighter.

Jaq shifted behind him and the sensation of their hips rolling against his backside snapped Phineas very much back to the present. It seemed Jaq too was beginning to awaken as they gave a heavy sigh, their breath hot on the back of his neck, their lips just grazing his skin as they burrowed into him and oh, sweet law, that felt nice.

Phineas’ heart rate ticked up a notch, all pains forgotten for a moment. His shirt had ridden up in the night and as they moved again, Jaq’s fingers drifted over his stomach, stroking gently in a manner that sent a flash of heat straight to his groin. There was a very different ache beginning to grip him now.

Jaq’s hips shifted again and he bit his lip to stifle an involuntary groan. It was all too easy to imagine those same hips pinning him to the mattress, that soft hand at his stomach sliding lower, the lips pressing to his neck doing so hard enough to bruise. Jaq had rescued him and they’d forgiven him, and they were so warm and so strong and this wasn’t a dream, they were _right here_ , wrapped around him, and . . . oh, shit.

Phineas swallowed hard. That train of thought had caused a very unfortunate and rather prominent reaction, one that he desperately did not want Jaq to become aware of. Perhaps if he didn’t move and focused very intently on the detritus tacked to the wall of Jaq’s bunk then the issue would fade before they awoke? There were little notes about supplies up there alongside something to do with tossball plays that he didn’t understand, a list of jobs with Sublight and their pay rates, and a postcard from Stellar Bay. He concentrated hard on the blunt writing and little scribbles, definitely not thinking about the hand that had written them running over his body . . .

Jaq was moving again, clearly awake now, and nothing seemed able to distract him from how good this felt. Slowly, so as not to alert them that he was conscious, Phineas shifted his leg in an attempt to cover the evidence of his arousal and prayed Jaq wouldn’t notice. His handsome young friend had only agreed to join him in bed out of necessity or some sense of concern at his distress, he knew. The last thing he wanted was to repay their kindness by making them feel uncomfortable.

As Jaq stretched and yawned, Phineas shut his eyes and lay very still.

More than anything, he didn’t want this to be over. If this was the only time he ever lay in their arms then he wanted to savour the moment and imprint it on his mind, a sweet memory to see him through the nights alone.

But all too soon, Jaq was withdrawing from him, their movements slow and cautious as if they were trying very hard not to disturb him. The hand that had been at his stomach slipped away from beneath his own and he supressed the urge to hold onto it as the cool air of the room replaced Jaq’s warmth. Besides relief that they didn’t seem to have noticed his embarrassing issue, Phineas was struck by a wave of disappointment. They were gone.

Only, not quite, it seemed.

There was some rustling around as Jaq slid from the bed, their quiet footsteps padding softly about the room. It sounded like they were heading for the door, but then there was a pause and as Phineas lay frozen, suddenly the mattress dipped behind him. His kept his eyes shut tight as Jaq’s fingers brushed at his hair and then, after a moment of apparent hesitation, there was the lightest touch of their lips at his temple.

Phineas’ heart squeezed almost painfully in his chest. It was pounding away so erratically he was certain Jaq would be able to feel his pulse flickering and realise he was awake. Good law he ached to touch them. To roll onto his back and take their face in his hands and press his lips to theirs. He only had a second to imagine doing so as Jaq lingered over him and then once more they withdrew, the bed springing back up as their weight lifted from it.

He listened intently as Jaq stepped away and it wasn’t until he heard the soft thump of the door shutting that Phineas finally relaxed back against the sheets. He blinked up at the ceiling, pressed his fingers to his temple and let out a shaky breath.

Jaq waited until they had climbed the stairs before pausing to pull on their boots, careful not to wake Phineas with their clattering footsteps if he needed to rest. Truly, they would have preferred to stay curled around his sleeping form and listening to his quiet breaths but no, the rattling about and murmurs of their crew had let them know it was long past time to rise and Jaq couldn’t shirk their duties, no matter how warm and welcoming their bed currently seemed.

When they entered the mess with a yawn, Felix was leant over the stove doing his best to put together breakfast under Parvati’s watchful eye. Ellie had her boots up on the table (which Jaq had asked her several time not to do) and Nyoka gave a tilt of her mug in acknowledgement. Jaq knew there would be drop of something stronger than just caffeine in there but couldn’t begrudge the hunter the drink after everything they’d just been through.

Max greeted them by pushing over a steaming mug of coffee and Jaq gratefully accepted it, flopping into a chair and biting back a grunt of discomfort. Their bunk had been better for them than the camp bed but they still ached dully today.

“The comms terminal has been chirping away for the last hour,” the vicar said with a mild smile. “Sanjar, I believe.”

“Fuck,” Jaq groaned. The MSI man was meticulous about his time keeping and they knew he would be irritated at waiting so long for a response. An irritated Sanjar was a flustered Sanjar and they could do without the mile a minute discussion about the importance of promptness.

“There are also three written messages, Captain,” ADA chimed in over the intercom in her usual flat tone. Jaq swore again.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” they grumbled, dragging themselves to their feet, clutching at their coffee.

“You gave specific orders not to disturb Doctor Welles,” ADA replied. The computer paused a beat, almost for dramatic effect (though surely that was impossible?) before continuing, “As he was sharing your bed, Captain, it was not possible to -”

“Ok, I get it!” Jaq cut in hurriedly as Felix dropped the spatula he’d been holding and nearly knocked the frying pan from the stove diving to catch it. He blinked up at them in surprise before he went back to his cooking and Jaq noted the others giving them looks which ranged from faintly amused to wide eyed shock.

“The camp bed is really uncomfortable,” they mumbled, before making a hasty exit.

“I knew it!” they heard Ellie hiss triumphantly as they headed back down the corridor. “Pay up!”

Jaq grimaced and made for the cockpit. It wouldn’t be so embarrassing to have the crew gossiping behind their back if it weren’t for the fact that nothing was going on. Phineas had needed comfort from a friend, not some washed up electrical tech mooning over him. They didn’t take it for granted that a man who had hidden himself away from society for the over three decades would trust them to be so close to him and they would never do anything to undermine that trust.

Well, almost.

Jaq bit their lip as they descended the stairs. The kiss had been a slip and they knew they really shouldn’t have done it. Only, they’d come so close to losing him and he’d looked so adorably handsome all curled up in their bed. And then there was that look in his eyes the night before when he’d suggested they stay . . . Was there any chance, even a slim one, that maybe, just maybe, the brilliant scientist might feel something close to what they felt for him?

Jaq rubbed at their temple in frustration. Sure enough, when they entered the cockpit, the comms terminal was bleeping away. They needed to concentrate and their head really wasn’t in the right place for dealing with bureaucrats right now.

They took a heavy swig of coffee and dropped into their seat.

Phineas lay in bed as long as he could until the gnawing hunger forced him out from beneath the sheets. He’d hoped Jaq might return with food and painkillers but it seemed the Captain was busy and he would need to make his own way to the kitchen.

Getting up was one struggle, attempting to locate his missing clothes was quite another. A thin t-shirt and trousers didn’t feel quite enough to go wandering about the ship in - particularly not when they smelt like the remains of one of his less pleasant experiments. Phineas wrinkled his nose and hauled himself to his feet.

Jaq’s room was more cluttered than he had expected. There were plants standing in one corner, Iconoclast banners framing the enormous window displaying the stars beyond, and strange mementos fixed about the space. Phineas was momentarily distracted from his attempts to find his jacket when, in amongst images of heavily muscled tossball players, he was intrigued to discover his wanted poster hanging on the wall.

He stared up at the likeness. He’d seen it before, even had a copy that he’d kept for his own amusement, but it was strange to see the sketchy lines of his scowl staring down at him as he stood in Jaq’s room feeling the vibrations of their ship’s engine humming through his socks and having spent a night in their bed.

He didn’t have long to ponder quite why his friend might have a picture of him on their wall before the sound of footsteps bounding up the stairs was ringing out and Jaq slipped around the door, an irritable frown tugging at their brows. Their expression lightened somewhat as it fell upon him, though Phineas was keenly aware that Jaq was hovering at a distance and seemed oddly hesitant.

“Morning,” they offered, a hand straying to the back of their neck. “Have you had any breakfast?”

Phineas’ stomach growled before he could answer and Jaq grinned.

“Take a seat, I’ll bring it to you.”

With that, they ducked out of the room again and Phineas shuffled his way to their desk, grateful for the opportunity to sink into the chair. Jaq soon returned with a plate piled high with cystybits, boarst and beans, eggs, and to his surprise, real fried tomatoes. It was more food than he would normally consume in a day. Jaq set it down before him along with a bottle of pills and a mug of something distinctly aromatic.

“Oh merciful law,” Phineas exclaimed at the sight of the steaming coffee. He took a tentative sip. None of that Spacer’s Choice nonsense, this was some real Byzantium finest. He suspected it had been pilfered given it seemed unlikely any of the crew had the bits to come by it via legal means. However Jaq had acquired the coffee, he was infinitely grateful for its revitalising effects.

Whilst he ate, Jaq explained they had been on a secure transmission with the CEO of Monarch Stellar Industries as well as the Minister of Earth. It all sounded very dull and frustrating but more importantly, Phineas was relieved that Jaq relaxed into their usual amiable self as they spoke. He’d worried there might be some residual discomfort after last night but no, Jaq seemed focused on their task, which now appeared to be figuring out what to do about the Board.

“We need to begin reviving your fellow colonists,” he reminded them after a mouthful of coffee. The painkillers were kicking in, his belly was full and Phineas was finally beginning to regain a little of his energy.

“We _need_ to explain what’s going on with Earth,” Jaq replied, picking at the bits of food he had abandoned. Their own plate had been cleared long before he was forced to admit defeat by the mountain of food.

“And we need to clear your name,” they added.

Phineas’ gaze strayed to the poster tacked up behind Jaq. Thirty-five years he’d been hunted by the Board and their lackeys. Thirty-five years of secreting himself away and sealing himself off from society. It was almost impossible to imagine that being over. He wasn’t even sure he was ready for it.

“It’ll be a few hours before we get to Groundbreaker. Are you up for a trip aboard?”

Phineas froze mid sip. Jaq wanted him to accompany them aboard the colony ship? Where there were thousands of people who all thought him a terrorist, an outlaw, a madman? And more to the point, a man with a sizeable bounty on his head. He swallowed hard and set down the mug.

“If you’re not feeling up to it then we could delay the meeting a day?” Jaq suggested and Phineas gave a vehement shake of the head. As much as he wished to avoid the crowds and those who might look to claim the small fortune the Board was offering, he did not wish to be a burden – a sad, scared old man slowing them down and delaying important business.

He took another fortifying swig of coffee and cleared his throat.

“I am quite certain I can manage a meeting full of puffed up bureaucrats and busy bodies,” he replied, hoping he sounded suitably nonchalant about it. Then he paused and glanced down at his sweaty, stained attire. “Although, I’m not sure I’m in any more of a state for meetings than I am for breakfast.”

Which was how, half an hour later, Phineas found himself stood under the stuttering showerhead with Jaq the other side of a flimsy curtain whilst he made an attempt at washing with one hand, the other held out at an awkward angle to avoid dampening the cast.

“Getting on alright?”

Jaq’s voice echoed off the walls and Phineas found it was both disconcerting and yet somewhat thrilling to have them so close whilst he stood naked beneath the water. They’d aided him to the bathroom with a (slightly unnecessary) arm around his waist, but he’d had little difficulty undressing himself – somewhat to his disappointment, he thought with a flash of guilt.

“Fine. Just fine,” he replied.

Though the water was warm enough to ease the cramping in his limbs, Phineas found his muscles were still aching and sore in a manner that made trying to scrub the scent of Tartarus off himself considerably more difficult than expected. Jaq had lent him some toiletries but attempting to grip the slippery bottle and open the cap with fumbling fingers was more than he could manage and the shower gel clattered to the floor.

“You ok?”

Phineas grunted in discomfort as he attempted to crouch and retrieve the bottle but only succeeded in nearly tumbling over. He caught himself against the wall and scowled at the offending bottle as tepid water ran in his eyes. The lack of mobility was intensely frustrating, he hated to think how it would affect his work.

“Phin?”

“Nothing broken. Not to worry.”

He attempted to kick the bottle towards him but it skittered away, ricocheting off the wall, and the next thing he knew the curtain was rattling back.

“What in the void - ?”

He didn’t get any further before Jaq, still fully dressed, was joining him under the showerhead, their eyes screwed up tight and a hand over their face.

“I swear I’m not looking!”

Phineas stared at them wide-eyed for a moment, frozen in place, before he attempted to cover himself. Within moments, Jaq’s clothes were drenched through and clinging to them, hair plastered to their head as they crouched and began reaching around the tiles for the shower gel. They looked utterly ridiculous, their eyes still closed and water raining down over them as they flailed about nowhere near where the bottle had bounced away to.

Phineas yelped as they grasped at his foot.

“Sorry! Shit, sorry . . .”

This was absurd, they were sodden through, boots squelching as they shuffled around him and there was every chance they were about to knock him over rather than assist in any way. Was Jaq really that horrified by the thought of seeing him undressed?

“Oh for law’s sake, Jaq, open your eyes,” he grumbled, staring down at them. “We’ve all got the same fleshy bits, it’s hardly worth worrying about.”

With apparent reluctance, Jaq peeled their hand away from their eyes, keeping them firmly averted as they finally retrieved the wayward bottle and rose to their feet. If Phineas had been at all concerned about a repeat of this morning’s issue, Jaq’s clear discomfort put paid to any wandering thoughts. It was depressing how desperate they were not to look at him but hardly a surprise - he was thirty years their senior after all. Law, he felt like the worst kind of lecherous old fool.

“Do you . . . do you need any help?”

Jaq’s gaze had been pointedly fixed somewhere over his shoulder, the steady stream of water pattering down on their head to the point they were having to blink it out of their eyes but as they handed him back the shower gel, he noted their attention had shifted to his ribs and their expression tightened. Phineas gave a hard swallow. He knew how clearly each ridge stood out on his wiry body, knew what Jaq must be thinking as they looked at him . . .

Jaq shook their head in horror and his heart sank until their fingers gently grazed his side. There was a tremor to their voice as they spoke, the words echoing off the walls.

“Fuck, I’d kill Akande all over again if I could.”

The bruising to Phineas’ ribs was mottled black and blue against his skin and a cold, impotent fury filled Jaq as they traced the dark band around his middle. It hurt to know they hadn’t been able to protect him, this wonderful, brilliant man who had risked everything to rescue them from an endless sleep in the depths of space. How dare anyone lay a hand on him, after all that he had given up to try and help this colony?

Jaq couldn’t tear their gaze away from stark evidence of the violence he had been subjected to, continuing to carefully run their fingers over the mark. His skin was warm, maybe even a little flushed, though the water wasn’t that hot, and a sudden, irrational desire to take him in their arms once more set Jaq’s pulse racing. If only they could soothe it all away with soft touches and erase the marks marring his lean body. And if they couldn’t do that, then they should have at least sought a better measure of revenge for him.

There weren’t many people they had ever hated in their life but truly Jaq wished they’d dragged it out for the Adjutant, wished they’d made her suffer for every mark she’d left on him. But it was over, Akande was dead, and the best they could do now was try and fix the damage she’d done.

Only right now, they seemed to be making it worse.

Phineas gave a strangled squeak, tensing under their fingers and Jaq flinched back, their eyes darting to his. He looked startled and with dismay Jaq realised their mistake.

“I’m sorry!” They took a step back from under the water, shivering as their soaked clothes stuck to their skin. “Did I hurt you?”

Phineas blinked at them and swallowed before giving a slight shake of the head. There was a sudden tinge of red to his cheeks that Jaq couldn’t miss as they were determinedly keeping their gaze above his waist. It was clear he was distinctly uncomfortable and they could have kicked themselves.

_Don’t make this weird_ they chastised repeatedly. _He’s stuck on your ship with nowhere to go and he needs your help._

They swiped water from their eyes, barely able to look at him now.

“Right, anyway, uhh, sorry . . . I’ll just, I’ll be out there . . . if you need anything.”

Fuck, one night of holding him and they seemed to have turned into a stammering useless mess in his presence. _Get a grip, Jaq_.

Phineas didn’t respond and rather than dig themselves into a deeper hole, Jaq hastily ducked out from behind the curtain to stand dripping on the bathroom floor.


	17. Chapter 17

The Unreliable docked at Groundbreaker with a sudden jolt and as the engines powered down, Phineas felt his heart rate begin to tick upwards. Through the great curved window of the Captain’s cabin he could see the busy docking bay alive with activity. So many ships, so many _people –_ he could just imagine the noise.

“You ready?”

He glanced over at Jaq who was adjusting the holster at their hip and pulling on their jacket over their body armour. They looked every inch the dashing space Captain again and he found the sight did a little to settle his nerves.

After changing out of their wet attire, Jaq had taken him on a tour of the Unreliable in what he suspected was an attempt to distract him from the impending trip into the bright lights of the vast colony ship. Whilst he found himself intrigued by the makeshift fixes that kept the ship running and quietly charmed by Jaq’s enthusiasm, he couldn’t help but feel out of place as he limped around, the eyes of their crew following the two of them. The attire his friend had lent him wasn’t helping either.

“I look ridiculous,” he grumbled, smoothing at the front of his shirt and fidgeting with the cuffs.

The shirt was a plain grey button-down and quite comfortable but still, he couldn’t help but think it looked considerably better on Jaq than on him. Luckily, they were of a similar height, though Jaq was a touch broader and he found their clothes hung loose on him, exaggerating his thin frame in a manner he didn’t think was particularly flattering. Though it would have helped hide the effect, Phineas had decided against the light armour they had offered him as it would be too claustrophobic, and he’d discovered Jaq’s feet were considerably smaller than his own, an issue that was resolved when the vicar had kindly been forthcoming with a spare pair of boots.

At least he had his own battered leather jacket, he thought. It now smelt faintly of Auntie-Cleo’s stain remover and fried Boarst but the weight of it on his back was reassuring.

Jaq gave him a smile from beneath their hair as they tugged on their boots. “It suits you.” He caught a faint tinge of red creeping over their cheeks before they ducked their head again. “You look very handsome.”

They were just trying to humour him, Phineas knew, but still he did stand a little taller at the compliment, until his back twinged in response, reminding him that his most recent dose of painkillers hadn’t quite kicked in yet.

Eventually, Jaq straightened up and Phineas followed them down the stairs to where their crew waited to disembark. When the airlock opened, the noise struck him full force. There was a low level bass hum from the engines, constant clattering footsteps, and the curses and yells of thousands of people.

Phineas froze, hovering in the doorway as the crew descended the landing ramp. He stared over their shoulders, watching a flash of turquoise dart across the dock as a group of young mardets made their way towards the security station. There was a customs official stood at the end of the gangway, burly stevedores hauling cargo and the general hustle and bustle of a busy trading hub. Would the inhabitants of Groundbreaker recognise him? Would they see his face and match it with the wanted posters all across the colony and scowl as they imagined his crimes?

“Phin?”

There was a soft touch at his elbow and he glanced down to see Jaq’s hand resting there.

“Do you need a minute?”

Their fingers drifted over his jacket, their expression understanding and Phineas patted their hand.

“I’m alright . . . it’s just . . .”

It was just all so much. The lights, the noise, the people, all of it, all at once. He hadn’t realised quite how used to silence and solitude he had grown.

There was a crash and a stream of angry cursing somewhere across the dock as cargo was dropped. Several laughs and admonishments rang out and then figures were strolling over to assist with righting whatever had gone tumbling from a ship. Phineas watched the teams of people below all working together and a tremor ran through him. Any one of them might be a bounty hunter or an agent of the Board waiting to drag him away or put a bullet in him.

“You’re safe. You know that, right?”

He glanced over to see Jaq patting their holster. They inclined their head out the door to the barely organised chaos below.

“No one will lay a hand on you. Not while I’m here. Not if they want to keep it.”

There was such a certainty in their voice that it rallied him. Jaq was right. There was no need to fear the unknown. He was a scientist. He could rationalise this through and he could face whatever – and whoever – was out there amongst the crowds and the vendors and the mass of humanity all crammed aboard in the recycled air of the ship. This was nothing after everything else he had faced.

Phineas cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. He could do this.

The look in Phineas’ eyes as he walked beside them down the promenade reminded Jaq of the first time they had visited Groundbreaker months ago. It had all been so overwhelming to the point they’d wanted to constantly stop to marvel at the sights around them. They had pressed on at the time, unwilling to alert their new crew to their confusion and wonderment and even a little fear, and they suspected he was doing much the same as his gaze darted between the neon signs and the teeming crowds. They stuck close to his side, always within arm’s reach in case he needed them, but Phineas’ confidence seemed to swell with every step and as much as Jaq wanted the excuse to touch him they were glad he seemed to be relaxing as they strode closer to Halcyon Holdings.

The building loomed into view, the red banners and golden brickwork standing out amongst the rest of the promenade though the two guards out front had been replaced with mardets who didn’t say a word as Jaq approached the bottom of the steps. Their crew had peeled off along the way to enjoy some well-earned leave, Ellie and Nyoka ducking into the Lost Hope and Felix making for the Back Bays to meet up with friends. Only Max and Parvati remained, the vicar professing to have an interest in seeing how negotiations unfolded, the engineer keen to see Junlei again. Jaq knew it was close approaching the point where they would all part ways but no one seemed keen to discuss it yet.

Inside, the banners had been pulled down and Udom’s place behind the desk was filled by another mardet who only nodded in greeting and then went back to tapping away at the terminal. Even here inside the Board’s attempt at a pocket of control over the chaos of the colony ship, the smell of heated engine oil and the grease of food vendors crept inside Jaq’s nose. There was something deeply satisfying about seeing the gilded opulence of the Board brought low.

Jaq followed the sound of raised voices into the meeting room and found the various faction leaders already assembled around an enormous table and seated as far apart as possible within the tight confines. Sanjar Nandi accompanied by Celia sat at one side with Zora Blackwood and another young Iconoclast beside them. Opposite, Minister Clarke was beside former Chairman Rockwell who had an armed mardet stood behind him and at the head of the table, Junlei was watching proceedings with a cautious, weary eye. Judging by the frosty looks being shot across the room, Jaq assumed there had already been some sort of a row. That didn’t bode well. Fuck, they hated this sort of thing.

“You can’t go buddying up with heathens and expect people to take you seriously!” Rockwell was arguing with Sanjar, casting a look of distinct distaste over at Zora. The Iconoclast leader curled her lip in response.

“We’re not “buddied up” with a corporation -”

“It’s a diplomatic agreement under article 63.1 subsection d -”

“Look, the Earth directorate -”

Jaq’s skin prickled in irritation as the noise grew and they tried to keep track of each of the disparate arguments through the din. Their head was starting to pound. They’d take an ambush of murderous marauders over this any day.

“Ahem,” Phineas cleared his throat indignantly and the room fell quiet, all eyes suddenly fixed on the party from the Unreliable. Jaq found themselves pinned down by the collective stares of the faction leaders.

“When you are all quite finished trading pleasantries, perhaps you would let the Captain speak?” he suggested, all hint of his earlier discomfort hidden behind an imperious stare. Jaq felt an unexpected rush of gratitude as Phineas seemingly ignored the wide-eyed looks he was garnering and took a seat at the table. They hurried to follow suit, slipping into the one beside him, Max and Parvati flanking the two of them so that they were all squashed behind one side together.

“Thank you, Doctor Welles,” Jaq said, the formality sounding strange in their ears. Phineas only offered a smile of encouragement and they took the moment of stunned silence to compose themselves. Why did sitting behind the polished desk and staring at the assembled bureaucrats and faction leaders feel so much harder than fighting their way through Tartarus ever had?

“We all know the challenges this colony is facing,” Jaq began. “And we don’t have time for arguing. Phin – Doctor Welles and I have a plan, but it will need everyone’s co-operation.”

There was a derisive scoffing sound from across the room and Jaq’s attention snapped to Rockwell. For a man currently being held hostage, he was wearing a provocatively haughty sneer. It made Jaq regret ever bothering to spare him.

“And we’re supposed to just trust a terrorist are we?”

“Get spaced, Rockwell,” Phineas growled from Jaq’s side.

The former Chairman gave a strangled laugh and jabbed an accusing finger across the table. “You see? He threatened me! He has violent, murderous tendencies. Who knows what he’ll do if given a chance. Why, he might -”

“Stow it,” Jaq snapped, conscious they were rapidly losing control of the situation.

Rockwell turned to Junlei. “He can’t be trusted! You ought to have him thrown out an airlock. The dangerous old coot -”

“Talk about him like that again and I’ll kick you out of one!” Jaq’s pulse was rising, temper flaring until the room was suddenly far too hot. They glared at Rockwell, their fist clenching beneath the desk.

“Oh, of course, because you’re judge, jury and executioner, aren’t you? Captain Evenshaw, the butcher of Halcyon.”

Jaq flinched as if the words had struck a physical blow and their next insult died in their mouth. Rockwell’s eyes narrowed, a sheen of sweat lending him a greasy pallor that shined under the harsh light of the room. It should have given them the edge, they knew. Despite his bluster, he was terrified, backed in a corner and doing everything to undermine them in his fear, and yet still the Chairman got under their skin.

“How many people have you murdered, Captain? Hmm?” Rockwell pressed.

Jaq’s heart was pounding in their ears, their vision zeroing in on the man as the rest of the room seemed to begin to waver at the edges. _Not now, please not now._

“How much blood is on your hands? How many lives - ?”

Whatever else Rockwell uttered faded out behind a high pitched ringing. Everything slowed to a crawl, the other figures in the room seeming to freeze. Every nerve in Jaq’s body sang with a desperate anxious energy, urging them to move, to strike, to _do something!_

Only they knew they couldn’t. Their breath burnt in their lungs as they tried desperately not to move and give away what was happening. Their blood thrummed through their veins as Rockwell’s jaw sagged almost comically slowly, his lips shaping around sounds Jaq couldn’t make out. Each slow beat of their heart struck their chest like a thunderclap, their ribs aching, muscles tingling . . .

Through the chaos, there was a soft touch at their hand and then suddenly Phineas’ fingers were fumbling over their own.

Everything snapped back. Rockwell was still ranting but as Phineas squeezed their hand and rubbed a thumb over their knuckles Jaq found their pulse slowing.

Jaq had gone rigid, their pupils blown wide and all but vibrating in a manner that Phineas found deeply alarming. It was only when he spotted the way their fingers were tapping at an impossible pace against their knee that he realised the time dilation effect must have triggered. He recalled their movements in the laboratory seeming unnaturally fast the one time he had witnessed it before and that when they came round, they had seemed to struggle for air.

The others gathered in the room didn’t seem to have noticed anything was wrong, their attention fixed on the ranting Rockwell, and with no idea how long the time dilation might last or how else to help, Phineas reached for Jaq’s hand.

The effect was almost instantaneous. They blinked, their eyes narrowing against the sudden influx of light and as if an invisible vice had released its grip on them, they seemed to relax. Jaq took a slow steadying breath, their fingers closing around his own and returning his gentle squeeze.

“ – murderers and freelancers and the unemployed, cavorting across the -”

“None of us are innocent,” Jaq cut in, their voice suddenly firm though Phineas noted they made no move to release his hand.

“We can sit here accusing each other of every crime under the sun but it’s not going to help this colony survive.”

He could see them working to control their breathing and wondered how much effort it was taking them to keep everything under control. He’d felt as if his lungs might collapse at any minute when walking down the promenade earlier, fighting not to flinch at every group that bustled past or sudden loud noise. They both had to hold it together if they were to have any hope of convincing the faction leaders to lend them their support.

“We’re starving and we’re alone,” Jaq continued, their fingers tight on his. “But we’re not finished yet. Doctor Welles?”

Jaq turned to him and Phineas caught the relieved look in their eye as they handed over their rapt audience.

“Thank you, Captain,” he started and did his best not to scowl at the room. As a young scientist, he’d always hated giving presentations to the businessmen and investors that funded the lab’s research, dumbing down his work felt like a betrayal of the science. Now he knew it was imperative to impress on the assembled leaders the importance of their co-operation.

“Now, I believe you are all aware of the many thousands of souls still sleeping aboard the Hope?”

Phineas launched into his plan, explaining in rapid fire how they would awaken the most proficient scientist, medics and engineers and set them to the task of solving Halcyon’s food crisis. He listed off resources he would need, the chemical process involved and the estimated time required to bring round so many bodies from cryo-sleep. Jaq occasionally interjected to field a question or explain something in layman’s terms but otherwise he continued until the various faction leaders were nodding along in apparent understanding.

It was only when he finally halted and Jaq took over explaining the interim plan for ensuring fair food distribution across the colony that Phineas felt exhaustion begin to catch up with him. His limbs were leaden, his body ached and pressure was building steadily just behind his eyes. He needed another dose of painkillers, he thought, as Jaq and Sanjar argued over something with Minister Clarke. And more than anything, he needed some solitude again.

“And how do we keep this under wraps? There’ll be panic if word gets out?” Zora asked.

Phineas smirked. He still wasn’t entirely convinced Jaq should have left Rockwell alive but their plan for the former Chairman was amusing enough that he felt at least a little satisfied.

“Rockwell here will be making one of his usual broadcasts explaining all is well and that there are some logistical changes occurring for the benefit of the populace,” Jaq explained.

“I will not!” Rockwell interjected, making to stand. The mardet at his back placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his seat.

Jaq ignored the interruption. “The rest of the old Board members will be contacted and we’ll, err, negotiate them joining us.”

No one seemed to require any kind of clarification as to precisely how forceful those negotiations might be. Phineas didn’t much care either way whether the corporate heads were permanently removed or brought to heel by the new leaders, so long as he was able to carry out his plan.

With discussions thankfully finally concluded, Jaq called a vote on everything that had been discussed. The decision was unanimous (although Rockwell, who wasn’t given a vote, protested loudly that he did not agree), Phineas would be granted a team of scientists and all the resources he needed to carry out his task. Though he would work in secret, he would be declared a free man, no longer hunted across the colony but able to come and go as he pleased. Jaq grinned at him as the “ayes” rang out around the room and though he gave them a smile in response, he found he was too tired to feel anything besides numb. He suspected it would all catch up with him later, once he had a moment of peace.

Before long they were all rising from their seats, each with the weight of their new tasks weighing heavy upon them. Jaq mentioned something about reconvening the interim Board in a week’s time to discuss progress and he sincerely hoped they wouldn’t ask him to attend.

It was a strange relief to step out into the not so fresh air of the Groundbreaker promenade. After so long cooped up in the stuffy meeting room, Phineas found the scent of frying meat positively pleasant in comparison. He turned to Jaq as they descended the steps and noted they were wincing and rubbed at their eyes, a tight grimace on their face as they passed the flashing neon lights advertising spratwurst takeaway. Whether that was from the aftereffects of the time dilation effect or they had their own stress headache coming on, he wasn’t sure.

“Thank you,” Jaq said. “For snapping me out of it back there.”

Jaq’s companions had left them, Ms Holcombe remaining behind with the Chief and Vicar De-Soto in his new role as a temporary representative for the Emerald Vale region apparently wishing to discuss something with the Minister for Earth, so Phineas didn’t feel quite as uncertain as he might have in taking Jaq’s hand once more.

“It wouldn’t do to have our new government discovering you can slow down time. Even if it might make them a little more amenable to our plans.”

Jaq laughed in a tired puff of air and tucked their hand in his, nudging in closer to his side as they slowly made their way back towards the docking bay. He wasn’t sure if they needed the contact or whether they thought he might be so exhausted as to require their support, but either way, it seemed so natural to hold onto them that he didn’t question it.

“I haven’t forgotten my promise,” he assured them. “We will investigate this for you.”

Jaq’s attention seemed to be focused on the people rushing around them and Phineas suspected they were attentive to pick pockets and other more unsavoury characters. He was grateful for their watchful gaze.

“It’s ok, I can cope. You’ll be busy up at the Hope soon.”

There was an edge to their tone that Phineas couldn’t quite place. Melancholy perhaps? That wouldn’t do.

He tugged on their hand a little as they passed the ridiculous wares of the Spacer’s Choice stand. A man in a huge moon helmet turned his head to follow their progress. “I will always have time for you, Jaq. Whenever you need me.”

Before Jaq could respond, a skinny young lad with a shaved head appeared from an alcove and cut them both a cocky grin.

“The Boss lady wants to see ya, soon as,” the kid said, before disappearing off, winding his way through the crowd with practised ease.

Startled, Phineas turned to Jaq who only shrugged, apparently unconcerned. “One of Gladys’ boys,” they said. “Guess word’s already out we’re here.”

Phineas paled. Oh dear.

Jaq had been about to press on to the Rest-N-Go but halted. Phineas had frozen to the spot, his expression strangely guarded. He looked almost shifty.

“Everything alright?”

He shuffled on the spot a faint flush creeping across his cheeks. Jaq was thoroughly confused by now. What had gotten into him?

“We really should get back to your ship,” he said, releasing their hand to rub at his cast. For a second Jaq was almost fooled into thinking he was simply tired but there was something about the way that his eyes darted in the direction the kid had run off in that made them pause. Gladys was an old friend, wasn’t she?

“Phin?”

He gave a heavy sigh in response. “Gladys and I, well, we have . . . some history.”

Jaq cocked their head and grinned. So, he was trying to avoid his tab? They knew he had a dodgy credit record with the woman, Gladys had mentioned he owed her more than a few bits when they had last stopped by.

“I’m sure we can get any outstanding debts resolved,” they offered.

Phineas only coloured further. “That’s not . . . Look, when I first went on the run I had to lay low somewhere for a little while and Groundbreaker was neutral territory. Ms Culkelly used her connections to help me make my escape.”

None of this was particularly surprising news and Jaq was still none the wiser as to what he was so concerned about. If it was an issue of bits they were pretty confident they could get it sorted for him.

Phineas tugged at his collar.

“I was on the run, the Board breathing down my neck, and expecting to be arrested or killed at any moment. One thing led to another . . .”

He trailed off and when Jaq gave him a look of confusion he frowned irritably.

“We had _relations_ ,” he said in exasperation.

Jaq blinked at him, their jaw dropping. He’d slept with Gladys?

“You don’t have to look quite so surprised about it,” he huffed and Jaq shut their mouth. “I was a young man once.”

They couldn’t think of a single coherent thing to say in response. It wasn’t that they’d never considered Phineas in that manner - quite the opposite in fact, Jaq thought, finding that they suddenly seemed far too hot in their body armour – it was just that they’d never paused to wonder as to his past. Or his preferences.

“Right,” they managed to mumble, rubbing at the back of their neck and dodging a pack of inebriated freighter crew who went jostling past them. “So, she’s your ex?”

Phineas gave a strangled laugh and began to pace down the promenade, Jaq falling into step beside him.

“It was one night, Jaq. I left rather quickly the next day. We haven’t really spoken since.”

So he’d ducked out with a pocket full of her bit-carts and gone into hiding for thirty-five years without so much as a goodbye? Somehow Jaq wasn’t surprised. Still, there was no avoiding her now. Gladys had eyes and ears everywhere aboard Groundbreaker and everyone knew better than to cross her. Jaq wasn’t prepared to risk some night-time sabotage of their ship just for the sake of helping Phineas dodge an old flame.

“Guess you’ve got some catching up to do then.”

Phineas didn’t protest when they steered him towards the blinking sign of the Rest-N-Go but he didn’t exactly look happy about it either. Jaq tucked in closer to his side as they passed the heavies stood guard by Gladys’ domain, conscious Phineas’ limp was becoming more pronounced with every step they took, but that he was clearly determined to move under his own steam. Perhaps he wanted to make a good impression. Would he be keen to rekindle things now he was a free man? The thought left Jaq feeling strangely hollow.

Gladys Culkelly was seated behind her desk when they strode in. Well, Jaq strode, Phineas felt like he was dragging himself around by this point though he drew himself up to his full height, ignoring his protesting muscles as he set his shoulders and tucked his hands behind him.

She was wearing that same wry smile he remembered, her eyes now crinkled with crows-feet and streaks of grey in her hair. Still, the years seemed to have been considerably kinder to her than himself.

“My, my, look what the canid dragged in. If it isn’t Phineas Vernon Welles.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Hmmm, I’d say you haven’t aged a day but that isn’t quite true, is it my dear?”

Phineas glowered. “Gladys. Still as charming as ever, I see.”

She laughed at that. “Oh don’t be so prickly, Phineas. Just a joke between old friends you see?” she said, offering the comment to Jaq who was stood rigid at his side and suddenly closer than Phineas had noticed them being before. Jaq’s arm brushed his as they tucked their hands in their pockets and gave an unconvincing smile in return.

“You’re just as handsome as I remember,” Gladys continued, her attention back on him again and he might have puffed out his chest a little. “Still as light on your feet? I recall you being quite the dancer.”

Jaq shuffled awkwardly and Phineas cleared his throat, glancing over at them. Good law this was uncomfortable.

“I can’t say there’s been much time to practice. I’ve been very busy,” he said, attempting to drag the conversation onto safer ground.

“Yes, so I hear.” Gladys gave him a knowing look, those shrewd eyes trailing from him to Jaq. “And you have been making quite the name for yourself since we last met, Captain. Getting into all sorts of interesting situations. Still, you’ll have your work cut out for you with this one.” She leaned forward over the desk and pointed her pen at him whilst holding Jaq’s gaze. “If you want my advice dear, keep a close eye on him. He’s as light fingered as he is light footed.”

Phineas made an indignant noise at that but Gladys didn’t give him a chance to interject.

“Speaking of which, now that you’re a free man I expect you’ll be clearing your debts. With interest of course.”

Jaq finally seemed to gain their voice at that.

“I’m sure we can work out something out. Phin can’t owe that much. Right?”

Gladys raised her brows in amusement and Phineas grimaced then shrugged when Jaq shot him a pointed look.

By the time they were done, Jaq had managed to talk Gladys into zeroing his tab in exchange for some of the more lucrative items they’d salvaged on their missions as well as some tidbits of salacious corporate info picked up in Byzantium. Gladys seemed delighted by this.

“He’s got you wrapped around his little finger, hasn’t he dearie?” she’d chuckled as they turned to leave.

Intriguingly, Jaq hadn’t made any attempt to deny the claim, but Phineas had found the hand they placed on his back as they made their way from the room to be distinctly protective.

“Any other exes chasing you for bits that I should know about?” Jaq asked whilst they waited for a food vendor to finish preparing their order.

The logical part of Phineas’ brain hated to think quite what was in the mystery meat the man was spooning into a pot, his stomach didn’t seem to care.

“No,” he replied as Jaq handed over a bit cart and collected their meals before offering him an arm to lean on. He was grateful for their silent support and slow pace, he was long past due another painkiller. “Not unless Doctor Crane is lurking somewhere around here,” he muttered. “Although I’m sure that puffed up fool is in Byzantium by now.”

Jaq’s footsteps faltered at that and they nearly bumped into a mardet. “Crane? As in Anton Crane?”

Oh, law. How in the void had Jaq managed to run into him too?

“Tall bloke? White hair, posh accent, works for Auntie-Cleo’s down in Roseway?”

Ha! So that was where he had ended up. So much for the bright lights of Byzantium Phineas thought with a smug smile.

“Well he was blonde the last time I saw him, but yes, that Doctor Crane.”

Jaq seemed to mull that over, an odd expression on their face as they stepped off the promenade and towards the customs offices of the docking bay. The Unreliable loomed into view up ahead and Phineas found himself relieved by the sight of it.

“And was that, err . . . well, was he your boyfriend? Or was that a one-time thing too?”

Phineas couldn’t quite place the unfamiliar note to Jaq’s tone. They sounded . . . well if he didn’t know better he’d have said they sounded almost jealous.

“We were lab partners,” he started, watching Jaq from the corner of his eye as the two of them made their way down the gangway. His companion mostly seemed to be paying attention to the stevedores rushing around them and without much experience of seeing them outside the confines of either his lab or their ship, it was difficult to tell whether their frown was due to their usual watchfulness or them considering his words.

“Mostly we were rivals, but yes, at one point I suppose you could have called him my boyfriend.”

Jaq nodded at that, their expression still unreadable.

“Of course, it never would have worked out,” he continued. “Anton was always jealous of my superior intellect and far too busy sucking up to our corporate overlords to make any real breakthroughs. Completely obsessed with his appearance as well, always preening over his hair and coming up with some ridiculous new concoction for his skin. Good teeth though, mind you,” he added as an afterthought.

Jaq laughed at that and it at least sounded genuine.

“You were quite the heartbreaker, huh?”

Phineas snorted. Hardly. Still, if Jaq was under the impression he’d been some sort of dashing rogue in his youth then he wasn’t about to dissuade them of that opinion.

“I had my moments.”

“Right,” Jaq said with a nod, climbing the landing ramp. Phineas found himself leaning on them a little more as they made their way up the steep slope. “And why do you owe Anton bits?”

“I lost a bet,” he replied as they stepped through the airlock doors and into the Unreliable. The navigation computer chimed in with a greeting that sounded suspiciously sarcastic.

Jaq rolled their eyes. “You can tell me all about it over dinner.”

After the chaos of Groundbreaker, the comparative quiet of the odd creak and groan from the Unreliable’s interior covered Phineas like a familiar blanket and he smiled as he accompanied Jaq up to the mess. It had been an exhausting day but strangely, this almost felt like coming home.


	18. Chapter 18

The breakup of the crew happened sooner than Jaq had expected. Far sooner than they were prepared for.

It was Parvati that left first. She appeared whilst Jaq was in the mess cleaning plates and tidying up after their dinner with Phineas. He had retreated to the quiet of their cabin for some much-needed rest and they found themselves whistling a tune they only half remembered as they scrubbed at the dishes. The sound of quiet footsteps halting in the doorway caught their attention and when they looked over the engineer was watching them, a sad smile shining under the dim lights.

“Evening, Cap’n.”

She had her hands clasped before her and Jaq’s heart sank, knowing what was coming.

“Parvati,” they greeted, tossing a soaked dishcloth down on the side. Jaq leant back against the edge of the table and gave her what they hoped was their most reassuring captain’s smile. “Something I can help with?”

“Well, it’s . . .” She paused and took a breath. “Junlei asked me to stay aboard Groundbreaker with her,” she said in a rush. “And, well, I guess I’m asking permission to leave the crew, Cap’n.”

Jaq nodded, folding their arms over their chest. “You don’t need my permission. There’s no contract keeping you all here. Besides, I’m happy for you.”

Happy and a little jealous if they were being honest.

Jaq helped her pack and they shared a few laughs at the photos and other mementos the young engineer had collected over her travels, recalling the stories attached to each. By the time the room was empty Jaq’s melancholy had passed and they clapped Parvati on the shoulder once the last of her belongings were deposited in the docking bay to be ferried away by the stevedores. There wasn’t much that couldn’t fit in a bag beside the potted plants that were her pride and joy and Parvati clutched one to her chest.

“It’s been a pleasure having you aboard, Parvati. Don’t know if I’ll ever find another engineer as skilled as you.”

She blushed at that, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Just, consider this extended shore leave, alright?” Jaq continued. “If you ever want to get back out there, travel the system, visit some dead asteroid and nearly get murdered by some wildlife, let me know.”

Parvati grinned at that, her eyes sparking up like a welder’s torch. “And you let me know if you ever want a hand doing repairs on the old girl. I’m gonna miss this ship.” She patted the hull fondly and then with a final smile, gathered her things to leave.

When Jaq returned to the ship they found Phineas still curled up in bed, his soft snores filling their room. For a moment they stood silent beside the bunk and contemplating whether it would be acceptable to join him beneath the blankets. It didn’t seem right to do so without asking his permission, so rather than wake him, Jaq trudged to Parvati’s vacated cabin and spent the night in the empty bunk.

Nyoka left next and Jaq couldn’t say they were surprised.

She approached Jaq in the cockpit the following morning, her eyes heavy as if she hadn’t slept much. Jaq vaguely recalled hearing footsteps in the corridor in the small hours but given ADA would never allow anyone besides the crew aboard, they hadn’t risen to check who was sneaking back from the Lost Hope.

“Morning, Cap. You got a minute?”

They weren’t really doing anything - ADA piloted after all - just making themselves busy whilst they waited for the rest of the crew to awaken. Nyoka knew the routine of the ship well enough by now to be aware of this and Jaq nodded, resigned to what was coming.

“Just doing the pre-flight checks. Phin needs to get back to the lab.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Nyoka grinned, a knowing look in her eyes. “You two make a good team. Heard you gave those bureaucrats a run for their bits yesterday. Zora was pretty impressed when we spoke.”

So that was where the huntress had gotten to, Jaq thought. They wondered how the usual crowd of stevedores and freighter crew in the Groundbreaker bars had reacted to a posse of Monarch Iconoclasts turning up.

“Speaking of which,” Nyoka continued, “Sanjar and Zora are leaving today and I figure with you tied up putting the system to rights I need to hitch a ride back to Stellar Bay. Got things planetside I still need to attend to.”

“Sure you don’t want to stick around a little longer?” Jaq suggested. “I’ll be swinging by Monarch eventually.”

Nyoka shook her head. “Being honest, I’m getting a little claustrophobic stuck inside a tin can. All this time breathing recycled air’s got me missing the damn sulphur.”

Jaq gave a quiet laugh. Now that they could sympathise with. The Unreliable was more like home than anywhere else they’d known since childhood but the feeling of dirt under their boots and a cold breeze on their face were still things they longed for when they had to spend days at a time tucked away aboard.

“I’m gonna miss having you watching my back. Never met anyone better in a fight.”

Nyoka shrugged and it wasn’t a dismissal of the compliment, only an acceptance that their time together had run its course. “Sure, but it’s not an LMG you need now. Nothing much I can do against paperwork and politics.”

Jaq didn’t think there was anything in their own arsenal that could deal with the work of re-building a functioning government but Phineas seemed to think they were cut out for the job and he hadn’t been wrong about much yet.

They offered Nyoka a hand and she took it before dragging Jaq into an awkward hug that involved some backslapping in an attempt to ignore the fact they were both averting shining eyes.

“You ever get time to swing by Stellar Bay, you know where to find me. We’ll share a bottle of the good stuff and catch up.” Nyoka squeezed their shoulder and grinned. “You look after yourself, Cap. And that old fella of yours.”

Ellie’s departure happened in typically Ellie fashion – out the blue and yet with a sense that it had all been somehow planned for maximum effect.

She accompanied Jaq on a trip to the med bay to restock the Unreliable’s supplies. Phineas had chosen to remain aboard, grouchy over the delay to them leaving for the lab though Jaq suspected his protestations that he needed to use their terminal to work were more to do with being keen to avoid the crowds than anything else.

As they were prepping to leave, Jaq’s backpack laden with bandages and vials of adreno and their pocket now considerably lighter on bits, one of the medics approached, clipboard in hand and scrubs stained with something Jaq new better than to try and guess at the origin of.

“Will you be ready to ship out soon, Doctor Fenhill?” he asked.

Jaq frowned in confusion at the sawbones. Ellie only shrugged in a manner that was too practiced to be entirely nonchalant.

“Meant to say something over a drink but guess now’s as good as ever. There’s a clinic at a settlement a few miles outside Byzantium in need of some backup. Marauder raids, you know how it is. Anyway, I’m not much one for politics or hauling cargo so . . .”

She cocked her head and shot Jaq the finger guns. “It’s been a ride, Cap, but I gotta cut loose.”

Jaq didn’t try to convince her to stay or make any promises they would see each other again. Ellie had always made it clear she considered that kind of sentiment hollow and Jaq had long since given up attempting to convince her otherwise. They shook her hand and bid her well and contemplated whether they had picked up enough knowledge to get by without a doctor aboard.

When Jaq made their way back to the ship alone and spotted Felix stood at the base of the landing ramp with a rucksack slung over his shoulder, they found themselves bracing for more bad news. 

“You got something you need to tell me as well?” they asked more sullenly than they had intended.

Felix shook his head. “Uhh, no? Should I have?”

Jaq silently chastised themselves and forced a smile.

“Nope. Sorry, been a long day already.” They threw an arm around his shoulders. “Come on, we need to get hauling.”

It was a subdued Jaq that shuttled him up to the orbital lab and it was only when Phineas noted the diminished numbers in the mess and the empty rooms along the corridor that he realised why they were so quiet. As much as he wanted to help them, he found he had little to offer in the way of wisdom or comfort as their crew fractured around them. All things had to come to an end, after all.

That was what he tried to tell himself as he trod the familiar route down the gangway to his lab, the usual steady whir and hum of a thousand different life-support processes seeming strangely diminished. Broken glass crunched underfoot as they passed the welcome mat he’d laid out as a joke years ago, and the smell of slowly decaying bodies – both cystypig and UDL – crept into his nose setting his eyes to watering. Phineas surveyed the destruction in silence.

“I’m sorry, Phin.”

He turned to Jaq, stood quiet and close beside him. They never seemed to stray too far from his side now, always within arm’s reach.

“I wish I’d got here sooner,” they continued and he watched as their gaze landed on a shattered tank. The specimen inside had started to rot and preservation fluid sat in a puddle beneath the bench, the murky liquid filled with his papers and the remains of data pads he’d not had time to hide. It didn’t look like there would be much left worth saving.

“It doesn’t matter. I hid everything that was important.”

That wasn’t entirely true. There were countless experiments lying smashed around him. So many years’ worth of data and research, all broken, all lost. Everything he’d had to keep him occupied for the long years alone and now it was left in so many pieces underfoot.

“This was your home.”

Phineas shrugged and picked his way through the wreckage of an automech and towards the blast doors that had been his final defence. The metal was twisted, wrenched from the hinges and blackened. The memory of armoured boots, choking smoke and pain flashed through his mind. He rubbed at his cast.

“It was as much a prison as it was a home.”

Still, it did leave him feeling strangely melancholy to see it torn apart like this. There was a rust coloured stain smeared against the wall behind the comms terminal and as he stared at it, Phineas realised it was his own blood. He’d never expected to leave this lab alive and yet here he was, somehow still in one piece and a free man.

He felt a tentative hand settle against his back and Phineas smiled over at Jaq. “Time for a fresh start.”

The vicar and Mr Millstone joined them and Phineas directed their efforts to salvage as much as possible in the lab. Whilst the two of them worked away, he and Jaq set to recovering any of his personal effects that hadn’t been destroyed by the overzealous troopers. There wasn’t much, only what had been locked away in the secret compartment along with few items of clothing and old journals.

“Anything you need, just let me know and I’ll have it sent to you,” Jaq offered as they packed away his belongings into a duffle bag and slung it over their shoulder.

To his delight, he discovered Bubbles had somehow miraculously survived the storming of the lab. The cystypig looked none the worse for wear after her ordeal, indeed she appeared to have gained some weight after managing to lock herself in his kitchen and gorge on the last of the supplies Jaq had brought him on. It took some convincing to coax her out but after Felix set a trail of scattered cereal down she finally emerged, snuffling her way past the bodies and mess until, after a few final encouraging words from him, Phineas watched her climb the landing ramp of the Unreliable and make herself at home in the hold where Jaq had to immediately wrestle a sack of mock-apples away from her.

“Your newest crewmate appears to be tidier than Felix,” ADA chimed in whilst Phineas aided Jaq in corralling the cystypig into a makeshift pen constructed from ammunition boxes and crates.

“Hey!” the young man shouted as the airlock shut behind him.

“Oh, so it wasn’t you who left that sticky purple mess all over the table then?” the vicar enquired. He set down the heavy canister of dimethyl sulfoxide the two men had been carrying between them.

Felix looked sheepish but shrugged. “I was testing what would happen if you put fizzy-tea on purpleberry crunch. It uhh . . . well it froths a lot.”

“A little spillage during an experiment is to be expected,” Phineas chimed in and Felix grinned triumphantly.

“See, Max, I was doing an experiment.”

He managed to remain smug about that for the duration of the journey despite the vicar refusing to rise to his baiting.

When they first arrived, the Hope was as eerily quiet as Phineas remembered it being that fateful day he had retrieved Jaq’s stasis pod. The UDL troopers stationed there had been stood down by the interim board leaving only the sprats skittering around their feet and rummaging through the debris to make any noise as the four of them picked their way through the deserted corridors and walkways. The ship was a mess and Phineas knew they would have their work cut out for them getting it in any state to begin the revival process.

It would be another day before the first of the scientists would begin to arrive and in the meantime, he needed to prepare the laboratory. Jaq and the remainder of their crew aided in ferrying his things aboard and then under his direction, set about preparing a space to set up the necessary equipment.

At the end of an exhausting first day, Phineas found Jaq stood before the enormous glass window that over-looked the cryo-storage chamber. They were leaning against the glass, a tight, serious line across their brow and their gaze roaming over the frozen faces of thousands of their fellow colonists. They’d been quiet all day but as Phineas studied the faint downward curve of their lips and the set of their jaw he had the strange feeling that he was intruding on something.

He’d turned to leave them in peace when Jaq spoke, their breath fogging the glass.

“Why me?”

He halted. Jaq hadn’t moved but they were focused on him now, the blue light of the cryo-chamber falling across their face and darkening the fading bruises on their skin. For a moment he recalled the pale, sickly pallor they had been when he had first opened their stasis pod all those months ago. He had stood over them for what had felt like hours, taking notes and watching the colour return to their cheeks. They’d been subject number thirteen back then and he had forced himself to only consider them as such until it was clear they would survive the process. Watching them now, he wondered if he would have been able to go through with it all if he’d had any idea what Jaq would come to mean to him.

_You know you would have,_ a quiet voice whispered in the back of his mind and Phineas tried to ignore it.

“There’s thousands of people in there, all better qualified than me to have helped with your plan,” Jaq pressed. “Why did you choose me?”

Phineas frowned, tucking his hands behind his back as he made his way to them. He halted at Jaq’s side, surveying the endless rows of bodies. He wasn’t surprised they had asked the question - it was only natural to be curious, after all - only the timing of it. Why now? When they had already achieved everything he had asked of them.

“You could have chosen someone to help with the revival process.”

Jaq’s frown deepened as they spoke and it was only now he noted the new lines creeping in around their eyes. Working with him had aged them, he thought. The realisation filled him with guilt, though not enough to make him regret anything they had achieved together. Logically, he knew any number of others could have aided him sufficiently in retrieving the chemical and securing the Hope. But none of them would have done so with that same crooked grin and disarming laugh.

“You are helping.”

Jaq shook their head. “I meant properly. Like a scientist.”

_Oh._ Now he understood a little. How curious. He’d assumed Jaq would be relieved to be released of the burden of running errands for him, that they would be excited to strike out on their own and forge a new path through the system they were helping to rebuild. They had so much to contribute, then and now.

“I didn’t need a scientist then. I needed you,” he assured them.

_I still need you_ , he thought but swallowed down the words. Losing one’s sense of purpose was sufficiently tumultuous enough without him adding some unwanted declaration from a geriatric admirer to their list of concerns.

Jaq’s expression was hard to read, the frosty blue darkness swallowing up the usual glint in their eye.

“I had a specific set of skills in mind when I chose you,” he explained, hoping to instill them with some of that confidence he was used to seeing reflected back at him. “Tough, practical, and smart enough not to fall for corporate lies or get yourself killed in an unfamiliar system. Some chemist with no experience of the world outside of a laboratory wouldn’t have been much use to me. Nor would they be much good at, ahh, gently negotiating, with our former corporate masters, now would they?”

Jaq laughed under their breath, some of that tension in their jaw seeming to uncoil. Phineas patted their shoulder. “We all have our part to play.”

Jaq nodded. “Thanks, Phin. You’re . . . I, well . . .” They trailed off quietly and rubbed at the back of their neck in that familiar gesture he had grown so fond of. “Never mind,” they mumbled eventually, forcing a smile. “We’ll keep in touch.”

Phineas couldn’t quite tell if that was a statement or a question but he nodded all the same.

“I hope so.”

Jaq left the following morning to shuttle the vicar to emerald vale and Phineas was so tied up with the arrival of the new scientists that he missed their exit, only realising they had gone when the Hope’s computer alerted him to their ship uncoupling from the docking bay.

He stood at a terminal in the centre of the makeshift laboratory, the drone of excited chatter from the unfamiliar figures moving around him filling his ears and a dull pressure in his chest as he watched the Unreliable’s marker drift further into the depths of space.

“Doctor Welles?”

He glanced up to find a young woman in a lab coat watching him expectantly. She’d introduced herself earlier as a microbiologist and he had forgotten her name already.

He raised a brow and she gave an enthusiastic grin.

“Should we make our way to the cryo-chamber now?”

For a moment he found himself adrift and uncertain what to do, fingers gripping the edge of the screen until the white dot that represented Jaq disappeared. Once it had blinked out of existence he took a breath, turning to survey his eager young team awaiting his orders.

And then he threw himself into his work.


	19. Chapter 19

The Unreliable sat still and silent on Edgewater landing pad, the only lights filling the cockpit coming from the glow of the terminal screen and a spotlight in the ceiling that flickered repeatedly until Jaq thumped the panel in frustration. Another thing to add to the ever growing list of repairs.

They settled back in their captain’s chair with a yawn, momentary annoyance replaced with anticipation as the image on the screen before them crackled with static. For a second it displayed nothing but a stark white laboratory and then the image shifted, its pixelating accompanied by muttered curses from somewhere off-screen.

“Jaq? Can you see me?”

There was more swearing followed by muttered threats of violence against the electronic innards of the transmission device before eventually the image cleared and Jaq was greeted by a scowling Phineas Welles.

He was as scruffy and wild-haired as ever, a stark contrast to his clinical and orderly surroundings, and he still wore his battered jacket with pens and tools and other odd bits and pieces poking from the pockets, but Jaq was almost taken aback by the difference a few weeks had made. He appeared so much less gaunt than they remembered, a healthy tint to his cheeks and a sparkle to his grey eyes. Life as a free man was treating him well, clearly, and they found their pulse quickening as he turned his gaze upon them. They’d almost forgotten just how disarmingly handsome he was.

“Ahh, there you are!” His bushy brows un-knit and jumped upwards in delight. “How have your travels been? I hear you’ve been gallivanting all over the system on adventures.”

Jaq cut him a tired smile. Damn, it was good to hear his voice again.

“Yeah, something like that,” they offered. They weren’t particularly keen to spend the evening talking over their activities since leaving the Hope. Today alone had been a long, stressful stretch of negotiations with a distinctly uncooperative Adelaide that had left them desperate for bed, but this was the first spare moment they had been able to snatch together and Jaq wasn’t going to cut it short even if they had to prop their eyes open.

“How have you been?” they asked, straightening up in an attempt to force themselves awake. “How are you getting on with your new colleagues?”

“Oh, just marvellously,” Phineas replied, now reaching over to fuss at something off screen that clinked and hissed. “They leave my equipment in odd places and don’t respect my filing system at all. Some of them barely look old enough to be out of school. It’s like herding sprats.”

Jaq laughed at his grumbling. “At least you’re making friends,” they suggested, propping their boots up on the navigation unit. 

He arched a haughty brow at that. “They’re all nerds with no social skills, Jaq, it’s hardly a party up here.”

Jaq gave him a pointed look that proved entirely ineffective as another yawn forced it aside. Phineas only rolled his eyes at them.

“How’s Felix doing?”

Leaving their youngest crewmate behind aboard the Hope had been a hard decision, yet necessary. Whilst the small team of scientists that had been allocated to the revival project were all highly qualified to be assisting Phineas in his endeavours, none of them were particularly well equipped to deal with the more practical requirements of getting an abandoned colony ship turned into a liveable environment. Felix’s strength and experience at making do with what he could salvage was proving invaluable to keeping the team on track and on the few communications Jaq had shared with him, it sounded like he was enjoying his new posting.

Phineas’ eyes lit up in another crooked smile and he finally stopped fidgeting with whatever had been holding his attention. “Wonderfully. With a little patience and the right approach that lad will make an excellent lab assistant.”

Jaq nodded at that. Felix had always been mildly in awe of Phineas and it was good to know he was thriving aboard the Hope, even if returning each day to a ship empty of its crew left them feeling nostalgic for the old arguments over cleaning rotas and who was using up all the hot water.

“As a matter of fact, you can ask him yourself,” Phineas added. He stepped away from the screen for a moment and Jaq heard him call across the laboratory. A moment later their crewmate appeared. He came bounding into the shot, a huge grin plastered to his face.

“Hey, Boss!” Felix greeted as Phineas shuffled back in beside him. “You’re not gonna believe all the cool stuff the Doc has me doing! There’s all these chemicals and machines and I get to help move the popsicles – “

“- colonists,” Phineas interjected.

“Uhh, yeah, I mean the colonists. It’s awesome!”

He was bouncing on his toes, all enthusiasm and energy next to Phineas’ air of carefully controlled chaos, and for a moment Jaq felt a pang of something torn between jealousy and longing to be there with the two of them.

“Glad to hear it,” they replied, momentarily distracted as something rattled ominously through the pipes overhead reminding them they were overdue another check on the life support systems. There was so much to get on top of at the moment.

Felix launched into an animated re-enactment of the latest project he’d been assisting on and Jaq nodded along and tried to smile in all the right places until eventually he was called away to whatever duties he was meant to be currently engaged with.

“I think he misses you,” Phineas suggested as Felix scurried away.

“Nah, he just misses winding up Max and getting Nyoka to tell him stories.”

They yawned again and shuffled in an attempt to ease an ache in their back. Running maintenance on the Unreliable alone was proving harder than expected and taking a toll on their body.

Phineas frowned and leant in closer to his monitor. “Am I keeping you up?”

“No,” they rushed to reply before he could suggest they end the call. “I’m fine. Just running a little low on caffenoids, that’s all.”

Phineas smirked at that, his lip curling up at the corner in that silently challenging manner that never failed to make Jaq’s heart thump erratically.

“Oh, I see. So I must watch my intake but you are quite free to ingest as much as you like?”

It was an old argument from back when they had still been ducking the Board and sneaking about the system, Jaq reminding him to eat properly, to sleep more than a few odd hours and to look after himself rather than constantly taking substances to keep himself awake.

“Well if I’m not alert enough to watch my back no one else is going to do it for me,” they muttered and rubbed at their eyes.

Phineas’ teasing smile fell to a frown at that. “Vicar De Soto is still aiding with your negotiations, isn’t he?”

“When he can. He’s very busy himself.” Jaq shrugged, then rolled their shoulders as something twinged in their neck. Their whole right arm ached dully and they flexed their fingers before curling them into a fist. There had been some rather energetic “negotiations” with a former Board member two days prior that had ended in only a partially satisfactory outcome.

“You know how dangerous these capitalists can be. You must take back-up with you when -”

“Speaking of busy,” Jaq cut him off. “You’re late filing your report to the interim Board. Clarke is on my back about it.”

Phineas stopped short and scowled at that. “I don’t have time to be micromanaged. Things are progressing well, you can tell the Minister that rather than have me waste precious hours sending messages to someone who won’t remotely understand the nuances of the scientific process.”

They were inclined to agree with Phineas that the Hope project should be left in peace to get on with the revivals but the temporary ministers expected transparency over how things were proceeding and it was a principle they had all agreed at that first meeting aboard Groundbreaker.

“Then have one of your team do it,” Jaq suggested.

Phineas huffed in annoyance at that. “They’re also busy, doing actual work under my direction. Bureaucracy will only create delays.”

Jaq rolled their eyes. They were far too tired to be arguing over this. They gripped the arm of the chair, lack of sleep and the comedown from the shots they’d been taking to help keep themselves functional over the last few days had set their fingers trembling.

“Phin -” they started.

“Why don’t you come and see for yourself? I’ll give you a tour of the laboratory and introduce you to some of our successful revivals. Then you can report back to those puffed up politicians.”

It was tempting, that was for certain. Anything to take a break from shuttling between settlements and ensuring the deposed former Board members didn’t interfere with proceedings. Anything to stop looking over their shoulder every five minutes wondering when a wayward corporate shill or Byzantine angry at their ration allocation might suddenly turn on them. It would be so wonderful to rest for a night and catch up with him.

“I’m scheduled to head out to Stellar Bay,” they said instead.

Shipping out on another diplomatic meeting, oh joy, they thought. And before that, there was another repair to the skip drive that would need doing and they were running low on food stores, and then they could do with picking up more vials of . . .

“It would good to see you again, my friend,” Phineas added and suddenly Jaq couldn’t say no. Fuck the schedule.

“That’s it, we must track the temperature rise precisely,” Phineas cautioned. “If it gets above forty degrees, we’re in trouble."

His colleague nodded, her brow scrunched up and eyes fixed upon the readouts before them. The gauge on the cryo-chamber rose slowly, inching up a degree at a time.

“That’s all the dimethyl sulfoxide now in their system,” another scientist noted from beside him. Phineas glanced over at the data pad the young man held. Everything seemed stable.

He looked back to the body within the chamber. The frost on the glass had cleared a little so the weathered and faintly blue tinted features of the physicist within were revealed to the team huddled around him. Doctor Fresnel would be revival number seven of the Hope team and the first Phineas had allowed his colleagues to take charge of whilst he oversaw the process. They were all exceptionally talented individuals who had picked up the nuances of the procedure quickly, but, no matter how many successful revivals he managed, Phineas never ceased to feel the crushing grip of anxiety as the body within slowly thawed.

Whilst he watched the line representing the Doctor’s pulse begin to dart upwards across the data-pad, Phineas became aware of the attention of the lab-coated individuals around him shifting from their task. There were quiet mutters and some shuffling about, and when he glanced up to see what the disturbance was, Phineas’ stomach gave a familiar jolt.

Jaq was leant casually against a workbench, their arms folded across their chest and a small smile tugging at their lips as they watched him, apparently fascinated by the revival process judging by the way their gaze remained fixed upon him.

“I thought they’d be taller,” someone whispered from behind him and Phineas huffed in annoyance. The voice fell silent.

With his own pulse darting about as erratically as the frozen colonists’, he offered Jaq a brief smile of acknowledgment and turned back to the cryo-chamber. It would not do to lose track of his task at the crucial moment.

Luckily all seemed to be proceeding as planned. “Thirty-seven!” his colleague exclaimed triumphantly as the temperature gauge ceased climbing and hung still and mercifully steady. Phineas watched it for a long moment then breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

He patted her shoulder. “Excellent work. Now, I want you to monitor the chamber for the next three hours. Note all readouts. Any changes, you must let me know. Understood?”

“Of course, Doctor Welles.”

He nodded and finally turned to Jaq who straightened up as he approached.

As he made his way over to them, Phineas was struck by the strange thought that they did seem smaller than he remembered, though it might just have been that they weren’t wearing any body armour and the strangely slumped stance they were holding, as if there was an invisible pressure weighing on them.

Jaq grinned until their eyes crinkled, their gaze sweeping the length of him in a manner that left him feeling distinctly warm.

“You look great, Phin,” they said, a hand straying to the back of their neck. “Well, I mean. Healthy.”

Phineas ignored the comment and planted his hands on their shoulders. He frowned, holding them at arm’s length, scrutinising them for a moment with a practised eye. He wished he could return the compliment.

“You look exhausted.”

That earned him a snort that sounded more resigned than it did amused and Phineas did not release his grip on them. Jaq seemed strangely hollowed out, as if they were spread thin. Their skin was pale, dark circles under bloodshot eyes and a twitchiness about them he’d not noticed on the transmission the other night. He knew they’d been busy and travelling all over the system to ensure the new rationing system wasn’t disrupted but they looked like they hadn’t slept in days.

“Yeah, well, running a ship as a one person crew isn’t as easy as I’d hoped.”

Well that he could certainly sympathise with.

As they stood together in the centre of the lab, Phineas noted the sidelong glances and less than subtle attempts some of his colleagues were making at getting a proper look at the Captain. Jaq too seemed aware of prying eyes and he knew he wouldn’t have much luck at getting a straight answer out of them under this much scrutiny.

“Come on,” he suggested with a smile. “I have so much to show you.”

Phineas led Jaq on a whistle-stop tour of the laboratory, explaining his team’s work and introducing them to colleagues that had assisted with the revival process. He made a point of showing them Felix’s ongoing efforts to renovate the crew quarters and common areas into something habitable for the scientists during their down-time and ensured to list all the materials the interim-Board members should approve sending him in order to help. Throughout, Jaq scribbled notes and nodded along attentively but otherwise kept quiet, their usual enthusiastic interjections and humour nowhere to be found. Phineas’ concern grew with every step.

“Thanks, Phin. I think that’s everything I need for now,” Jaq said when they halted outside the viewing platform for enormous cryo-storage chamber. Although he had suggested showing them how he was prioritising which colonists to revive, they didn’t seem inclined to enter the room and Phineas didn’t push the suggestion, recalling their discomfort the last time they had stood in there together.

“I better get going,” they added.

Phineas' heart sank. He’d assumed they’d stay for a few hours at least, long enough for them to catch up and share dinner perhaps.

“Nonsense,” he scoffed, doing his best to hide his disappointment. “You’ve only just arrived. I’ve been trapped up here for weeks, toiling away in a stuffy laboratory, and you won’t even stay long enough to have a coffee and regale an old man with tales of daring adventures and strong-arming our deposed leaders?”

Jaq gave him a wan smile at his teasing. “I’d love to but my skip drive is causing issues and I’m already overdue on Monarch.”

“Those bureaucrats all owe their position to you,” he reminded them. “Make them wait.”

Jaq finally did summon a laugh at that and they didn’t protest when he laid a hand on their arm and led them to his quarters. There was none of the purposeful energy to their stride that had been present when they had aided him around Groundbreaker and concern nagged away at him.

“Make yourself at home and I’ll be back in a moment,” he suggested, waving them in before he hurried away to the makeshift canteen. It was no stolen Byzantium finest, but perhaps a cup of Auntie-Cleo’s “coffee” would help get to the bottom of this.

When he returned to his room, two steaming mugs in hand, Phineas was surprised to find Jaq slumped on the sofa, chin tucked against their chest and clearly fast asleep. His surprise turned to alarm as he edged closer and at the sound of his footsteps they snapped awake, their fingers darting unnaturally quickly to where their holster would usually be tucked against their hip.

He froze, watching as their pupils narrowed to pinpricks, their muscles shaking with an intense, barely contained tension. He worried for a moment that Jaq was going to bolt or pass out, but the time dilation effect seemed to halt as quickly as it had started, and they sank back against the cushions, wincing.

Phineas ordered the lights lower and as they dimmed, he crouched before his friend, knees cracking as they bent.

“Sorry,” Jaq muttered, rubbing at their eyes with split knuckles. Phineas set the drinks aside and took their hand. It was trembling.

“When did you last sleep?”

They shrugged. “Some time the day before yesterday, I think. I don’t know, I got a couple hours, took a shot, then had to go deal with Adelaide.”

“A shot of what?”

Jaq shrugged again. “Just something to keep me focused.”

“Jaq?”

He hadn’t meant to sound quite as sharp as he did but they were being strangely evasive. None of this tracked with what Phineas had observed of them before. He’d seen them exhausted from days spent fighting their way through unfamiliar terrain and frustrated by endless setbacks, and despite all that they had faced, they had never looked this drained or on edge.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jaq replied, too quickly, their tone irritable. They drew their hand from his and made to stand. Phineas halted their movements.

“Sit. Look at me. No, in the eye.”

Jaq scowled and made as if to refuse, then gave a heavy sigh and bit their lip in frustration. Phineas didn’t give them a chance to rethink their response, plucking a slender torch from deep within a pocket and shining it into their eyes to study their pupils. Jaq grimaced and retreated.

“Fucking hell, Phin. What are you doing?”

“Helping you. Now hold still.”

To punctuate his request, Phineas settled a palm against their cheek to keep them in place. Jaq froze, eyes widening a fraction. Their skin felt hot to the touch and clammy beneath his fingers.

“Now, what are you taking?”

“Focusital capsules, 2-hour energy, and . . . uh, well . . .” They rubbed at the back of their neck. “An occasional shot of AT.”

Phineas’ eyes widened in horror.

“Jaq! What in the void do you think you’re doing taking that?”

He’d heard the stories about adrena-time, knew all about the massacre that had unfolded on Gorgon and the dead-eyed marauders now roaming the system. Why would they take that risk? What ridiculous notion had gotten into them to drive them to that?

“Surviving,” Jaq snapped. He flinched at the word, dropping his hand from their cheek immediately and Jaq’s face fell.

“Sorry! Fuck, I’m sorry, Phin,” they stammered, grasping his hand. “I’m just trying to stay sharp so I don’t get shot or blown out of space or just electrocuted because I’m too damn tired to concentrate on what I’m doing.” They halted, their fingers fidgeting away over his own. “And it’s the only thing that stops me freezing.”

“The time dilation?”

Jaq nodded and guilt gripped him. Phineas had been careful to keep quiet the odd side-effects of the revival process that Jaq had experienced and so far none of the other colonists had exhibited any signs. He had a horrible feeling the unrefined process he had used to awaken them was responsible for the problem plaguing them now.

“It’s happening all the time now and I can’t have it kicking in when I’m trying to negotiate or in all these stupid meetings and . . .” They trailed off, a helpless look on their face that struck him in the gut. “I thought things would get easier once we got the chemical but . . . Never mind, I’m managing it, tracking the doses and the side-effects. This isn’t your problem.”

They rose before he could stop them and Phineas found himself scrambling to his feet, once more planting his hands on their shoulders, blocking their exit. He couldn’t let them leave like this. At the rate they were going, they were going to get themselves killed. Or worse.

“Jaq, we can fix this. I can find a way to help you, but you must stop taking the adrena.”

“You don’t have time for this -”

“My life’s work has been dedicated to helping the Hope colonists, and besides being my dear friend, _you_ are also a colonist. Your health is my responsibility. We just need to decipher the chemical trigger for the time dilation and then perhaps we will be able to find a way of controlling it.”

Jaq gave him a long look, something wary about their gaze as they held his own. “You’re worried the others might have this problem?” they said eventually.

Phineas shook his head. “I have monitored all of our new revivals for signs and none have displayed any. I’m worried about what this is doing to you, Jaq.”

There was a long moment where Jaq didn’t move and he found it impossible to read what battle they were fighting in their mind. And then the oddest thing happened. Jaq’s shoulders slumped, a heavy sigh escaping them before, to his intense surprise, they lowered their head to his shoulder and sagged against him.

“I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, Phin,” they mumbled against him, face buried in his jacket. “I don’t know how you managed all those years on your own, I can’t even last a few weeks.”

As their arms slipped around his waist, Phineas held Jaq tight and tried desperately to recall how best to soothe someone in distress. He’d already made them a hot drink and chemical fixes seemed rather out of the question, given the issue at hand. Oh law, it had been so long and he’d never been much good at this even before his isolation.

He racked his brains for a moment before settling on rubbing cautiously at their back in slow circles as he recalled Jaq doing for him when he’d sobbed all over them that night on the Unreliable.

“Why don’t you stay awhile? Take some time to rest? We’ll get this all straightened out.”

Jaq drew back and shook their head. “I have to get to Monarch. Urgently.”

Phineas knew better than to attempt to argue with them about duty.

“Fine,” he acquiesced. “Then once you’re finished on Monarch you’re to tell those paper pushers you have important business here on the Hope.”

For a second, he thought they might still attempt to argue the point, then Jaq gave a slight nod and Phineas felt a tiny measure of relief. He would get to the bottom of this.

“Take Felix with you in the meantime. You need someone with you. And no more AT. Promise me?”

“No more caffenoids?” Jaq suggested with the barest hint of a smirk. Phineas rolled his eyes and gave an irritable sigh but nodded agreement. “Alright, it’s a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to Bonymaloney for the help on this chapter! If you're a fan of beautifully written, character-driven stories (and a certain angry Vicar) then I would highly recommend checking out her fics


	20. Chapter 20

With the skip drive still playing up, it took three days for the Unreliable to make the journey from Monarch to the Hope. And for three long days, Jaq agonised over what to say to Phineas.

The catalyst for the flaring of the dull ache in their chest at the thought of the old scientist into a full blown fire had come from an unexpected source. They’d been sipping on luke-warm zero-gee and yelling at the tossball game playing on the aetherwave when Felix had made an off-hand comment about Phineas apparently being a recent convert to the sport. Intrigued, Jaq had discovered that he’d chosen their team - Hephaestos Hammers - to support, and when they mused on why their crewmates' casual response had left them choking on beer suds.

“I did warn him that was a real bad choice but I guess it makes sense he’d pick them, to avoid fights and stuff. I mean, I could never date anyone who didn’t support the Rangers. No offense, boss.”

To Jaq’s intense surprise, it had emerged that Felix’s mistaken assumption was rooted more in Phineas’ apparent regard for them rather than anything Jaq had done.

“He talks about you all the time. It’s always, ‘Jaq did this’ and ‘Jaq said that’ and ‘Jaq’s so brave.’”

Jaq had barely been able to concentrate on what had been proving to be an aggressively competitive game as they puzzled over whether that really meant what they hoped it did. When they’d pushed Felix on whether he thought they had a chance he’d briefly paused from cussing out the referee to nod.

“Trust me, boss, I’ve watched a bunch of serials, I know what a proper romance looks like.”

The thought had gnawed away at them over the days since. Maybe it was the stress of their new role, or the regular TTD attacks, or the Marauder round that had embedded itself in their chest plate during a particularly difficult day of fighting back attacks on the ration supply chains out of Stellar Bay. Regardless of the cause, Jaq was viscerally conscious of the fragile nature of their life in Halcyon and they knew that for better or worse they had to speak to Phineas about how they felt.

But where to start?

Should they just confess it all and hope for the best or were they meant to ask him on a date? How did courtship even work in Halcyon? They’d never been much good at this and being stuck rattling around the confines of the ship with nothing to do but imagine every possible way it could all go wrong didn’t make figuring it out any easier.

So by the time the Unreliable docked at the Hope, Jaq found themselves descending the landing ramp with far more trepidation than they had felt when they’d snuck into its heavily guarded confines with the intent of skipping the colony ship half-way across the system. 

Their nerves built steadily as they followed Felix’s directions and made their way down winding corridors toward the room that served as Phineas’ personal laboratory. When they stepped inside, it was with their blood thrumming through their veins and a desperate, anxious energy gripping them.

A little of the tension faded as Bubbles snuffled her way towards them. Jaq scratched behind the cystypig’s ears, delighted to discover that rather than being a scaled-down version of the clinical white and stark chrome of the main laboratory, Phineas’ space was stuffed full of bubbling chemicals, tiny specimen jars and all manner of odd apparatus. The strange familiarity of it settled them.

Whilst they were taking in the chaos, Phineas’ head popped up from behind a stack of precariously perched equipment, a broad grin deepening the lines across his face.

“Aha! Excellent timing!”

Jaq’s heart thumped painfully against their ribs as he rounded the work-bench and hurried toward them. Should they do it now and just get it over with?

“I have a series of tests prepared. Ideally, we want to see if we can trigger off the time dilation here in the laboratory in order to measure its effects. If we take-”

“Phin, I need to talk to you about something.”

That smile disappeared in an instant, replaced with sudden alarm.

“Are you hurt? Sick?” He gripped their shoulders, heavy brows furrowed in concern, his eyes darting the length of them.

“No, I’m fine. It’s something else. Something . . . personal.”

Phineas looked momentarily relieved then frowned again.

“Withdrawal effects from the adrena?”

Jaq shook their head. “There was a bit of muscle cramp for a couple days and a headache, but that might just have been from the sulphur.”

“And the time dilation?”

Things had improved marginally with Felix there to aid them but the workload was still exhausting and without the adrena to suppress it, the TTD had still found the most inconvenient of moments to spark off.

“Three attacks.”

Phineas sighed and gave their shoulders a gentle squeeze. “Well then, we had best get straight to work. Jacket off.”

With that, he shuffled away and Jaq was left clutching at words only half-formed in their mind.

There followed a number of physical tests and Jaq was grateful for the distracting effects of the exertion, even if it was conducted whilst taped up with so many sensors and wires they were at risk of becoming tangled in them. Phineas quizzed them constantly as they did sets of press-ups and jumping jacks to push their heart-rate as high as possible. Half the questions Jaq couldn’t fathom the reason for – did they eat at a set time every day? Did they sleep on their back or their side? Hot showers or cold? – but every answer was met with intent tapping at a data-pad and odd hums of acknowledgement so they assumed they were providing something useful.

When Phineas finally declared that they could rest, Jaq got to their feet, gratefully accepting the water he handed them as they wiped sweat from their brow. As their pulse returned to normal, they shivered at the draft coming from the scrubber unit above them, skin prickling in the sudden cold.

“You can take those off now,” Phineas said, gesturing to the sensors stuck about their arms and chest beneath their now damp shirt. Jaq peeled them away as he began preparing items on a tray full of vials and bottles of sterilising fluid.

Phineas reached for a ball of cotton wool. “Talk me through the situations in which it has occurred.”

Jaq rolled up a sleeve and leant back against the workbench. “Well, you saw that time on Groundbreaker and in the laboratory. It happens in combat sometimes, if we’re really up against it or we’ve been ambushed. Then there was the incident in the bar and also when I took the chemical.”

He nodded and took hold of their forearm. Jaq fought not to tense as his fingers held them steady and he wiped sterilising fluid over the crook of their elbow.

“And what were you feeling at the time? Was there anything similar about those situations?”

Jaq tried to concentrate but it was intensely difficult as he continued to stroke gently at their skin. Phineas’ hands were warm and a creeping heat flowed from his fingertips and up the back of their neck. He was so close. Close enough that if they leant forward they could have easily captured his lips with their own and finally put an end to all this worrying. Close enough they were certain he could smell the sweat on them. That was a sobering thought.

It was only when Phineas released their arm and turned to gather a syringe that Jaq managed to find a coherent answer.

“Fear, mostly.”

There was also the guilt and shame that had occasionally accompanied the time dilation kicking in but that seemed secondary to the paralysing sense of dread that preceded the attacks.

There was a sharp scratch as the needle pricked their skin and Jaq watched as Phineas furrowed his brow, concentrating intently on his task. A dark rush of blood filled a vial and then it was done, the needle withdrawing and he was stepping away to cap off the sample.

“Is it only ever fear?” he asked without looking up, tapping at the datapad. “What about other intense emotions? Happiness, perhaps? Anger? Relief?”

Jaq shook their head and he returned to their side and began dabbing at the small spot of blood that had welled up on their arm.

“It seems to happen more often if I’m already exhausted or stressed if that helps?”

Phineas looked thoughtful at that. He was quiet for a moment and Jaq noted he was still applying gentle pressure to their arm though the bleeding had stopped.

“And erm . . . what about, ahh, arousal? Has it ever triggered when you’ve . . . engaged with someone?”

Jaq didn’t think it was possible for them to tense any more than they already had under his ministrations but that left them completely frozen to the spot. They could feel their pulse rising once more and a burning flush racing across their cheeks.

“I haven’t had a chance to test that yet,” they stammered before they could think of anything better to say.

Phineas glanced up, his expression as apologetic as it was embarrassed.

“Right. I see. Well, erm, if you could bear it in mind when you do . . . it would be useful to, err . . . well, to know if anything happens.”

Jaq was struck by the ridiculous mental image of themselves lying tangled in the sheets of their bunk and asking a partner to pause before rolling over to scribble notes. Of course, they wouldn’t have to if the man before them was the partner in question, they thought. That burn intensified.

“Well, it seems it won’t be possible to trigger the effect here so I think we can call it a day at that.”

Phineas turned away and began rattling about amongst his equipment, tidying away the notes on the workbench. Jaq swallowed. If they didn’t do it now they knew they’d never get the courage again.

“We could run one more experiment.” 

Phineas glanced up from a data-pad, brows raised in question and glimmer of intrigue to his eyes. “Oh?”

_ Confidence, Jaq. Come on, you can do this. _

“You could . . .”  _ Fuck, come on, get it together.  _ Jaq took a breath and attempted to force a casual smile. They knew it wasn’t convincing. “You could kiss me, we’ll see what happens.”

There was a hollow clang as Phineas’ pen hit the deck and it was only when it rolled against his boot that he snapped out of the slack-jawed stupor that seemed to have rendered him momentarily frozen.

He cleared his throat as he crouched to retrieve it. “Very funny, Jaq. You might think this is a joke but I happen to take your well being very seriously.”

Jaq wasn’t entirely sure what they had hoped his reaction might be but a startled frown and a wary tautness to his jaw definitely wasn’t it. They stumbled over their words as they attempted to form a reply.

“I wasn’t joking.”

Phineas was suddenly entirely focused on his notepad, fingers gripping it tight and fidgeting with the edges. “It wouldn’t work,” he said quickly. “To create the desired chemical release you would need to . . . to feel some level of . . . attraction, or . . . fondness for the person you . . .”

He was looking anywhere but at them and Jaq’s heart plummeted into their stomach leaving them suddenly nauseous. Phineas looked about ready to bolt.

“And besides, I haven’t kissed anyone in almost four decades. An effective experiment would require the right tools and . . .”

He was stammering now and Jaq had completely lost track of what he was saying as a distinctive ringing in their ears overtook everything else.

_ God-fucking-dammit why in the hell did I listen to Felix?  _ This wasn’t an aetherwave serial and they weren’t some dashing romantic hero who knew all the right lines and had a smile that could smooth over any misunderstanding. They were just an electrician who’d lucked out into meeting the most wonderful, brilliant man who was currently staring at them as if they’d sprouted an extra limb.

“I just thought it might help,” they blurted, scrambling for anything that might make this right.

Phineas’ cheeks were flushed and there was something raw about the look in his eyes when he spoke. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me, Jaq.”

Jaq’s vision began to blur around the edges, their heartbeat pounding in their ears. He didn’t want them, of course he didn’t. And he’d never want to see them again after this.

The time dilation washed over them in a wave, forcing the air from their lungs. They watched in agonising slowness as Phineas’ eyes widened and his lips moved around words they couldn’t hear. Jaq fought not to move, terrified that if they did they might damage the fragile test tubes and flasks around them. Every muscle in their body strained and tightened, nerves singing as if they’d been hit with a thousand volts. They clenched their eyes shut, tried to control the pressure in their lungs, tried to remain perfectly still . . .

  
  


Phineas recognised the signs the moment Jaq’s pupils narrowed to pinpricks. Ignoring the hollow sense of dismay that had overtaken him, he rushed to help them. 

The moment his hands landed upon their shoulders Jaq gasped and shuddered beneath them, almost stumbling backwards into the bench. He held them tight.

“Jaq? Jaq are you alright?”

For a moment they didn’t move, drawing deep breaths in through their nose. When they finally forced their eyes open, Phineas peered down at them, searching their gaze for any sign of unexpected side-effects. Jaq just stared back at him, something restless and desperate sparking in their eyes that he couldn’t continue to hold.

“I’m ok.”

Satisfied they were recovering, Phineas released them and turned away, retreating to his workbench and rummaging through his tools. His heart ached dully in his chest but he knew he mustn’t miss this opportunity. It might be the best chance he had of helping them. 

“Phin, I’m -” Jaq began, as he shuffled back to their side, syringe in hand and doing his best to concentrate entirely on the task before him rather than the prickle of discomfort racing up his spine.

“Roll up your sleeve.”

Jaq rushed to comply and with shaky hands he swiped at the spot on their arm with a sterile wipe as gently as he could. Phineas grit his teeth and forced his hand to still through sheer force of will, slipping the needle beneath their skin. Jaq didn’t flinch, didn’t move at all as he went about drawing the sample and then hurried away to secure it in the specimen bag. He would analyse it later, once his mind had ceased racing and his stomach turning inside out. 

When he returned to Jaq’s side, they were hastily tugging their sleeve down, apparently oblivious to the blood welling up where the needle had broken the skin. Without looking up he brushed their hands aside.

“Explain to me what just happened. What caused it to trigger?” 

He kept his focus upon his hands as he applied pressure to their arm with a cotton ball. Frustration and shame welled inside him. He was supposed to be a scientist - objective, rational and able to set aside his own selfish desires in pursuit of the truth. And yet, here he stood, having been offered an opportunity to conduct an entirely logical test with a willing, trusting colleague, and all he could think was how badly he wished to be more than just an experiment to them.

“You.”

Phineas’ head snapped up in alarm. Oh, law. They must have deduced the cause of his discomfort - must be so horrified by the thought of their geriatric friend who was meant to be assisting them instead lusting after them that it had triggered the time dilation.

“I mean me,” Jaq continued, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I fucked this all up -”

“I’m so sorry, Jaq,” He could feel the tips of his ears turning scarlet as he hurried to explain himself. “I never intended to burden you with this -”

“- it’s just, every time I lay down in my bunk, I think about waking up with you that morning -”

“- and I know what you must think of me, a doddery old man falling for his handsome young colleague -” 

“- and everything’s a mess right now but that was the happiest I’ve been in so long -”

“- and I understand I’m not what you came to Halcyon for, I would never have presumed to hope that you might return my regard for you but -”

“ - I don’t know what I’d do without you, Phin -”

“ - you mean the world to me.”

Jaq halted abruptly, whatever they had intended to say next cut off with a sudden look of shock. If he hadn’t been quite so stunned himself, Phineas would have worried they were slipping into yet another attack and he might have to catch them before they collapsed into his workbench. But rather than their pupils narrowing and body going rigid, Jaq’s eyes were blown wide and the arm he realised he still held shifted beneath his hands.

“Do you . . . do you mean that?” they asked, the words sounding hoarse as if Jaq was having difficulty getting them out. What in the void would make them think otherwise?

Phineas swallowed months of helpless longing. “There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of you since you left the Hope.”

Jaq had described the time dilation attacks as being overwhelming to the point that their vision focused on a single point and the breath froze in their lungs and Phineas was quite certain something similar was happening to him when their palm met his cheek, the calluses at the base of the fingers rasping a little against his stubble. When they shifted closer it was as if every nerve in his body was screaming at him to respond. 

They were slow in their approach, perhaps worried they might scare him off, and he didn’t dare move when Jaq tilted their head, inches from him, their intention more than clear. Phineas waited for that first press of them, but suddenly they stopped and withdrew a fraction, and his heart plummeted until he registered they were saying something.

“Is this alright?”

The hand on his face was trembling, he realised. How was that even possible? When he was the one that felt like he would shatter into a thousand pieces if Jaq let go of him.

His mouth was bone dry, the words so far beyond his grasp they might as well be floating in the ether, but Phineas nodded hard enough to have given himself whiplash. That was obviously enough encouragement for Jaq as the next thing he knew, their lips were on his.

It was clear they were both out of practice. Jaq’s nose bumped his cheek and there was a brief, awkward clash of teeth. He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands and ended up gripping tight to the front of their shirt, desperate fingers tangling in the cotton and a half-strangled whimper slipping from his throat when that prompted Jaq to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him flush against them. Their mouth moved over his own, sloppy and hungry and so perfect, and as he felt Jaq’s heart thunder away beneath his palm now laid flat on their chest, Phineas found himself as breathless as if he’d stepped out an airlock. 

Had kissing always felt like this? It had been so very, very long since he’d last experienced it that he couldn’t recall, but as Jaq uttered the faintest groan and slid a hand into his hair, Phineas couldn’t help but think that every kiss that had come before this had simply been a step leading him towards them.

Eventually, he had to pull back, his lungs burning, and as he did, Jaq’s lips followed his for a moment until their head came to rest against his own. With no idea what else to say, Phineas reached for the only tangible thought whirling around his mind.

“Did that work? Did the time dilation kick in again?”

He felt their laugh as a faint puff of air against his cheek. Jaq shook their head, not moving an inch away from him. 

“So we can definitely rule out happiness and ahh . . . arousal.”

If they’d not been so warm and so solid under his hands Phineas was certain he’d have thought he was dreaming. “Right. Well. I had best make a note of that later.”

There was an insistent nudging at his thigh and when Phineas finally summoned the presence of mind to look down, Bubbles was snuffling around his feet, her nose prodding at him.

“I think she’s jealous of me hogging all of your attention,” Jaq mumbled.

He glanced up at the clock above his workstation. “It’s her dinner time.”

Jaq finally drew back at that, a small, uncertain smile tugging at their lips. “I wouldn’t want her to go hungry.”

“Right.” He didn’t move and neither did Jaq until the frustrated and apparently starving cystypig nosed her way between them. “I’m just going to . . .”

“I’ll help.”

Reluctantly, Phineas released his grip on them and followed Bubbles as she trotted across the lab to where her bowl sat empty and clearly licked clean. Jaq carried over a bag of nutri-nuggets and deposited a generous helping in there. As Bubbles dove into her food Phineas looked over to see Jaq watching him, a faint flush to their cheeks and a hand worrying at the back of their neck.

“What happens now?”

He wished he had an answer to that but every sensible thought seemed to have been knocked loose in his mind and was spinning about like debris in an asteroid field.

“I’ve never been much good at this, Jaq.”

He was already imagining scenarios where this all went horribly wrong and he let them down somehow - late nights where he was chained to his work, missed anniversaries, constantly rescheduled dates - his past partners, as few as there had been, had quickly grown tired of it or he had grown bored of them.

“Neither have I,” Jaq offered with a shrug. Phineas struggled to believe that. “We can figure it out together, if you want?”

That sounded perfect, he thought as Jaq moved closer and slid a cautious arm around his waist. He already had extensive notes on Jaq’s likes and dislikes, their health, their mood and many of their hopes and dreams for the future. Perhaps, with a little careful exploration and attentiveness, he could get this right?

“Do you want to ahh . . . to try that again? For research?” he suggested. 

Jaq’s answering grin lit up their eyes, that earlier hesitation banished into the void. Phineas could still feel it curving their lips as he lent in, pulse fluttering away as if he’d taken a handful of caffeinoids. Good law, this felt wonderful.

It was too much to hope that nothing would come along to spoil the moment.

“Captain, you have an incoming transmission from Groundbreaker. It is marked urgent.”

He’d forgotten Jaq’s navigation computer was still patched into the Hope’s systems. He’d have considered that rather useful under other circumstances. 

“The Captain has urgent business here,” he mumbled in the general direction of the speakers. 

Jaq snorted at that. “Can you patch it through, ADA?”

He groaned at the request and winced at the squeal of static before Chief Tennyson’s voice crackled over the intercom.

“Captain, there’s been an incident involving the former Chairman. A group of mercenaries broke into Halcyon Holdings to free Rockwell. My Mardets were able to halt the attempt, at a cost. I don’t know how many enemies we have aboard Groundbreaker or who the extraction team was working for but we need to track them down.”

“Fuck,” Jaq muttered. They slipped from his arms with a volley of elaborate swearing that echoed around the laboratory.

Phineas followed them as they hurried toward the workbench to snatch up their jacket.

“If I leave now, I might make it to Groundbreaker in time to head off any ships that were involved in the raid.”

They shrugged their arms through the sleeves and turned as if to make for the door, then halted, their expression suddenly torn. They took a tentative step towards him and Phineas met him halfway. He clutched at their waist. This was too soon. Much too soon.

Soft hands cupped his face. “I’m sorry,” Jaq breathed. “I’ll be back the second I can.”

He nodded and held them close. He knew time was of the essence if that bastard Rockwell had allies hidden aboard the colony ship but it didn’t make letting go of them any easier.

“Keep safe, Jaq. The Board’s lackeys could be anywhere.”

His heart thumped painfully against his ribs at the fleeting brush of their lips on his own, and then Jaq withdrew, a brief smile thrown his way as they headed for the door and were gone.

Phineas stared after them for a moment, the quiet rushing of the air scrubbers and Bubble’s nosing at her bowl breaking the silence. He turned to his workbench. A stack of notes sat beside two vials of blood, waiting for his analysis. He would count the seconds until Jaq’s return but in the meantime, there was much to be getting on with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took 60,000 words but we have a kiss! Good law, these two really don't make anything easy!
> 
> Big thank you due once again to Bonymaloney for helping me sort this chapter when it was driving me up the wall


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: This chapter involves Jaq dealing with their gender dysphoria during an intimate moment with Phineas. It's kept relatively vague, the obvious body parts in question aren't named and Phineas is a caring partner, but prior warning that the 2nd section that is in Jaq's POV is where you will come across this content.

Jaq’s sense of giddy elation lasted throughout the journey to Groundbreaker and it was only mildly dampened by an argument with the docking control crew enforcing lockdown. It took much swearing and a few barely constrained threats before the Unreliable finally touched down and Jaq descended the landing ramp into a swarm of activity.

The docking bay was packed. Queues of furious freighter crew were arguing with customs officials and heavily armed mardets who attempted to reason with them. There were tourists and passengers milling around, apparently unsure what to do with themselves beyond clutching their luggage and waiting to board the many vessels trapped in the bays, and Jaq caught sight of light-fingered pickpockets turning the chaos to their advantage.

“What’s the law-damned hold up?” a stevedore was yelling at a red-faced mardet. “If I don’t get this shipment of saltuna down to Byzantium ASAP this place is gonna start stinking like the inside of a raptidon’s guts.”

The mardets formed up to block the man’s stride, their comrades behind them rushing toward the hulking figures of the ships and swarming aboard. 

No one halted their progress at the crowded customs station, the officials apparently uninterested in figures making their way back into the depths of Groundbreaker as they corralled the angry figures attempting to exit. Jaq found the promenade was equally packed and they had to push their way through the crowd, Felix at their side shoulder-checking anyone who got too close as they rushed toward Halcyon Holdings. Fortunately, the team of heavily armoured guards patrolling the steps recognised them and Jaq was ushered through the doors.

Furious arguing split the air as they hurried across the lobby. The bodies of mercenaries had been piled up on one side and at the other, medical staff from the clinic were quietly going about the process of bagging up fallen mardets.

“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t put this sprat-fuck merc down right now?”

Jaq sped up and barreled into the meeting room to find the table flipped, bodies scattered about the floor and in amongst the chaos, a standoff between the Groundbreaker chief and a mardet sergeant whose chest was heaving, blood drenching the turquoise of her uniform. A mercenary was on his knees between the two of them and the sergeant had a gun to the back of his head. She shoved him with the barrel as she spoke, sending him sprawling forward.

“Three of my recruits are dead! Let me toss him and that bastard Rockwell out an airlock and be done with it.”

“Hold your fire, sergeant,” Junlei ordered as Jaq came to a halt beside her. The Chief was tense, a deep furrow cutting through the smear of engine grease across her brow and her hands held outstretched, attempting to placate the enraged mardet. Jaq watched the barrel of the rifle sway a little.

“We’re supposed to be neutral ground! We’re not meant to get mixed up in all this shit. Why are we holding a political prisoner?” 

“Because Groundbreaker needs this colony to survive just as much as Byzantium or Stellar Bay or anywhere else,” Jaq offered. The sergeant glared at them but didn’t move, her fingers shifting on the handguard. She was sweating bullets and Jaq could see the frantic grief of a soldier who had lost too many comrades shining in her eyes. 

“We’re going to question him,” they assured her. “We just need to figure out who sent him here, who paid him to kill your troops. Then he’s Groundbreaker’s prisoner. You can do what you want.”

The sergeant stood silent over the mercenary who kept his head down, eyes fixed on the carpet between bloodied hands. Jaq could just hear his heavy breaths coming through the vents on his helmet. His armour was better made than that of the iconoclasts and other outlaws, though not as heavy as that of the UDL’s troops. They didn’t recognise it as belonging to any of the mercenary groups they had crossed paths with.

“I’m doing the questioning,” the sergeant ground out. That didn’t strike Jaq as the most sensible idea but they looked to Junlei at the same time as the merc finally tilted his head up to stare at her. The Chief gave a hard nod.

Jaq spotted the mercenary shifting his weight the same moment the sergeant did. He flung himself sideways, nearly taking the Chief off her feet, and made to scramble upright. Before Jaq could yell “hold fire,” a single shot rang out and they were hit with a spurt of arterial blood as the round found its target in the mercenary’s neck. He crumpled to the floor, a gurgling noise escaping his throat as Jaq stood over him, their chest plate dripping crimson splatters at their feet.

With no one left alive to question and Rockwell now firmly back under house arrest, Jaq joined the hunt across Groundbreaker for any mercenaries that might have made it out of Halcyon Holdings or been waiting for their team to emerge, ready to hustle Rockwell off ship. They spent fruitless hours combing through the back bays following Felix’s directions, whilst mardets poured through the bars and bunkhouses and kept ships held in the docking bay to check landing records. No one seemed to have any connection to the well-outfitted extraction team and if they had seen anything, neither threats nor bribes could get a word out of them.

Eventually, tired and hungry and no longer filled with the optimism they’d had upon leaving the Hope, Jaq trudged back towards the docking bay, hoping to grab a quick shower and, if they were really lucky, a chat with Phineas before bed.

“Cap!” a familiar voice called through the crowd milling about the promenade. Jaq turned in time to see Parvati come jogging toward them, a smear of engine grease across her nose and a smile stretched a mile wide.

“Parv!”

Felix flung his arms around the engineer and engulfed her in a boisterous hug. Parvati returned it with a delighted burst of laughter before the two crewmates released one another and she turned to Jaq. “June wants to talk with you.”

Jaq followed Paravti towards the crew quarters, past the food vendors and trade shacks, and deep into engineering where the heat ticked up a notch. As they headed through the office, she and Felix chattered away, catching up on their serials and swapping stories.

“Here we are,” the engineer said, unlocking a side door and ushering them in.

The room beyond was a sudden oasis of calm from the noise and lights of Groundbreaker. The low bass rumble of the engines that permeated every corner of the ship still hummed through the walls but there was no neon and no corporate messaging, only the odd photograph and a splash of colour from Parvati’s plants and flowers. The two women’s work had spilled over into their home and Jaq spotted cogs and screws from a dismantled generator stacked at one end of a short dining table. Beyond it, in a cosy kitchenette area that resembled that of the Unreliable, Junlei was pouring tea.

“Any luck?” the chief asked. 

“Nothing,” Jaq replied, taking a seat at the table whilst Parvati swept aside the detritus so her partner could set down drinks. “If there are any of them left alive, they’re well hidden. It’s a professional crew, that’s for sure.”

Junlei nodded, wrapping her hands around a mug, and Jaq took a sip at the sweet liquid in their own. Trip-teaz, a synthetic cherry and cinnamon blend. It was one of Phineas’ preferred flavours. They must remember to pick up a box for him before they left.

“We didn’t turn up anything in the shipping records either,” the chief added. “If there was an extraction ship inbound, it never docked.”

Perhaps it had been waiting for a signal from the ground crew, Jaq thought. With all the mercenaries dead, their colleagues off ship must have realised something had gone wrong and bolted. Presumably to rally for another attempt. Jaq tapped their fingers against the chipped mug. They had to find out who had sent the team.

“We found this on one of the bodies.”

Junlei reached into a pocket on her coveralls and tossed a battered cigarette case down on the table between them. Jaq and Felix both leant forward to inspect it. One corner was stamped with peeling letters - Lt Cummings - but it was the odd logo in the centre that caught Jaq’s attention. It featured a bird that might have been someone’s interpretation of a heron had they only ever had one described to them. It had its wings spread wide, a fish pierced on its comically long beak.

“Skyhawk corp?” Felix muttered, reading the words emblazoned behind the bizarre bird and turning the case over in his hands. “Never heard of them.”

“Not a name I recognise and we get a lot of merc types stopping by the bars on their way through. Maybe speak to Lilya Hagen. Or Gladys, she might know more,” Junlei suggested.

Jaq nodded. They’d have to see about checking the UDL records for a Lieutenant Cummings. Most of the mercenary types had some military experience, it might turn up some links.

They sat sipping at their tea as the others traded theories. Felix was practically vibrating with excitement, relishing the chance to get back into the fray and speculating wildly on the origins of the jailbreak. Parvati sat wide-eyed beside Junlei, clutching at her hand as the Chief fielded the suggestions with a sombre expression. The two of them always looked so comfortable together, quietly backing each other up with a soft word and a quick smile. Seeing them now, it was almost hard to recall a time when Parvati had been so nervous about how things might unfold between them that she had been paralysed in indecision. There had been so many uncertain chats in the hold, Jaq providing a confident nudge here or a supportive word there in the hopes their engineer would be able to carve out some happiness for herself in this unforgiving system. 

They took a long swallow on their rapidly cooling tea, old concerns beginning to nag away in the back of their mind. There were so many things they still needed to say to Phineas. So many words that had gotten lost in the moment, swept away on a tide of euphoria. Now, as the sea calmed, Jaq found themself carried out with it. What if he had simply been so surprised that he had responded without thinking, overwhelmed by it all? What if, as Parvati had worried, their particular make-up meant they weren’t enough for him? Weren’t quite what he wanted? Perhaps, with some space to think, he would change his mind.

“Everything alright, Cap?”

Jaq glanced up from the depths of their tea to see Parvati watching them carefully, a gentle furrow to her brow. They forced a smile.

“Sure. Just thinking.” They tapped the cigarette case. “I can do some investigating here for now but I need to get my skip-drive fixed before I can take this planetside.”

Parvati’s expression brightened. “Need a hand with repairs? I know that drive inside and out.”

Jaq nodded. The young engineer had a better grasp on the mechanics of this stuff than they did and they were always grateful for her expertise. Perhaps she might have some useful advice to offer alongside her help patching up the rusting insides of the Unreliable?

They agreed to meet the following afternoon, once Jaq had spoken to Lilya and Gladys. Felix could continue chasing leads with his back-bays buddies whilst the two of them worked to get the Unreliable into a fit state to be shuttling back and forth across the system.

By the time they made it back to the ship through the thinning crowds, Jaq knew it was too late to contact the Hope. Phineas would have long since retreated to his quarters and they had no desire to disturb his well-earned rest. They lay back in their bunk, listening to the clanking and creaking of the Unreliable and staring up at his wanted poster until they finally drifted off.

  
  


The centrifuge whined as it slowed and completed its cycle. Phineas watched the RPM counter tick steadily down and waited until it had come to a halt before popping the lid, extracting the two blood samples from within, and hurrying them over to the analyser. After years of making do with the aging kit in the orbital lab it was something of a novelty to be working with up-to-date equipment.

He leant back against the workbench, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for the machine to feed out the results. His sleep had been restless and broken the night before and there had been an unusually complicated revival process to contend with most of the day that had kept him from his project. Now that the ecologist was slowly thawing out, levels steady and under the careful watch of his colleagues, he could turn his attention to the task at hand. 

The screen before him began to fill with data and Phineas narrowed his eyes at the numbers streaming across the terminal. The levels within the first sample appeared perfectly normal, all within the healthy range, albeit cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine were at the top end of those figures. The second sample, from after Jaq’s stress-induced time dilation attack, was another story.

“Good law,” he muttered, peering at the screen. The levels were so high that for a moment he wondered if the state-of-the-art machine might need recalibrating.

He tapped through his notes on the datapad as more readouts appeared. Well, this certainly explained a few things.

Phineas was still pondering how best to treat Jaq’s condition when he made his way to the canteen hours later. A number of his colleagues were present and seated around the dinner table, swapping small talk as they ate and relaxed. He still hadn’t gotten used to the constant noise.

“There’s a portion on the side for you, Doctor Welles,” one of them offered, glancing up from their conversation. “It might be cold now. We didn’t want to disturb you.”

He thanked them with a nod and made his way to the macrowave with a tray of whatever one of them had thrown together with the ration allocations. The Hope was subject to the same system as the rest of the colony which suited Phineas just fine. The supplies shuttled to them by the interim Board made for more interesting fair than that which he had subsisted on for the many years prior to Jaq’s awakening. 

His thoughts turned to them once more as he settled in at the far end of the table to allow his young colleagues to continue their boisterous chatter without his interruption. Concern dampened his appetite. It had been over a day since they had left and he’d expected to hear from them by now. Logically, he knew if something had gone wrong aboard Groundbreaker then the Chief would have contacted him. That did little to allay his worries. 

Perhaps he should send them a message, he thought as he chewed at his boarst and beans. It was stodgy and still a little cold in places but he ignored the distasteful texture. Or perhaps they wanted some space? Some time to process everything? In the past, he had always waited for Jaq to get in touch as they were the one on the move and he had been confined to his laboratory. Yes, it seemed best to keep to the old routine and hope they weren’t silently regretting having made any rash decisions.

He ate quickly before returning to the lab to distract himself with work. When he stepped inside, he discovered the terminal beeping away at him.

Jaq’s message was brief and perhaps tempered by concerns of being intercepted as they were suitably vague about their activities on Groundbreaker, though Phineas understood enough to grasp that Rockwell was back under arrest and Jaq was investigating the situation. His heart sank a little at the news that they would be gone for a few days longer but his mood was somewhat buoyed by Jaq’s sign-off.

_ ‘Send over a list of supplies, I’ll pick up what I can before I visit. I miss you and I’ll see you soon.’  _

Phineas tapped out a quick response, wracking his brain for any items his colleagues might need and adding them to the list. He paused as he came to the end, contemplating how best to close the message. There was nothing in Jaq’s that had explicitly acknowledged the shift in their relationship, perhaps he shouldn’t either? Or might they appreciate him being the one to push the subject? Oh stars, this was all so complicated. 

He bit his lip and stared at the terminal screen.

_ Safety goggles x 20 _

_ Borosilicate glass flasks x 40 _

_ Immunosol x 2 cases _

_ Purpleberry crunch x 4 _

Phineas’ fingers hovered over the keypad, a sudden thought springing to life. His lip curved triumphantly as he typed.

_ Halcyon’s handsome hero x 1 _

Yes, that was what they did in the serials wasn’t it? A little mild flirting? It might make Jaq laugh, if nothing else, and that was enough to convince him to hit send before he could talk himself out of it.

Phineas returned to the spectrometer with a spring in his step and humming a tune.

In the end, it was only another two days before the Hope computer announced the Unreliable landing in the docking bay. Phineas was in the lab, overseeing another revival and caught in the crucial moment. He itched to get away but kept his focus, talking his team through the process and watching the chemical solution be administered.

By the time his task was complete, he was able to follow the excitable voice of young Mr. Millstone down the corridors of the colony ship, his nerves tingling with anticipation as he stepped into the canteen.

Jaq was leant over a cargo container and handing supplies to Felix when he entered. Phineas stood silent for a moment, watching them laugh as they delved into the crate. They looked more relaxed than he’d seen them in a long while having forgone their usual body armour, their shirt sleeves rolled up to their elbows and tousled hair almost curling into their eyes.

“Good evening, Captain,” he managed eventually.

Jaq’s head snapped up. A slow smile spread across their face as they rose to their feet.

“Hi.”

They didn’t move for a moment, ignoring Felix as he dove back into the box and shot wisecracks about the tossball scores at the scientists already assembled for dinner.

“I picked up your supplies for you.” They gestured to the box then rubbed at the back of their neck, a faint flush to their cheeks that could have simply been a trick of the light. “I couldn’t find that last item on the list though. I hope the replacement is alright?”

“Splendid,” he offered. Jaq’s grin widened, hitching up at one corner and flashing white teeth at him. His heart thumped against his ribs. Good law, he was desperate to kiss them.

His colleagues milled around them, taking their seats and clattering about in the cupboards in search of condiments to make the food more palatable. Phineas, suddenly uncertain how to proceed, gestured to the table.

“Would you like to join us for dinner?”

“Sure,” Jaq replied with a nod, that smile not slipping for a second.

There was a rotating shift of scientists keeping track of the latest revival but it only required two of them to be there at a time and so, as the canteen filled up and everyone jostled for space, he found himself crowded beside Jaq at the table. Their leg nudged his own and he shuffled in a little closer until his shoulder met theirs. It created just enough space for Felix to join the end of the bench. 

They conversed quietly as they ate, neither able to say much about their work due to its sensitive nature. Jaq’s news about the mercenary group caught his attention but Phineas couldn’t say he was surprised. He was still strongly of the opinion Rockwell had overstayed his welcome in the colony but he understood Jaq’s reluctance to take another life after all they had both done to reach this point.

“Any luck with your project?” they asked as they neared the end of the meal. Phineas had long since given up on his food and Jaq was tucking into his leftovers with more enthusiasm than he could muster. They were tired, clearly, but there was none of that bone-deep weariness about them that he had noted on their most recent visits. The enforced stopover at Groundbreaker had been good for them.

“I have made some headway,” he offered cautiously. Besides the confidential medical nature of Jaq’s condition, he thought it best the other colonists did not become aware of the time dilation effect. No need to incite a panic in people already struggling to adjust to life in a new world.

Jaq set down their fork and leant back with a barely stifled yawn. They’d apologetically announced this was another flying visit as they were due on Terra 2 the next day, and it was clear they were flagging, but Phineas was reluctant to see them go. 

“If you have time to join me for tea, we could discuss things a little more?” he suggested and Jaq nodded immediately in response.

He set about preparing their drinks as quickly as the precision required to do so would allow. Jaq leant against the countertop at his side, silent but there, watching him work and ignoring the cacophony around them. When he was done, they strolled down the corridor towards his quarters and Phineas couldn’t stop his pulse rising in anticipation of a moment alone with them, however brief it might be.

His room was sparse, little more than a bunk, a desk, and the few belongings that he’d rescued from the Orbital lab supplemented by the odd project and the bookshelves Felix had graciously built at his request. It all felt strangely stuffy though as Jaq followed him to the sofa and took a seat beside him. The faint scent of cherry wafted up as he clutched at his teacup and he was suddenly very aware of every creak and groan the ship made when Jaq turned to him.

“How are y-?”

“Have you -?”

They both halted, Jaq laughing quietly beneath their breath.

“I’ve discovered the root of the issue with your time dilation attacks,” he offered. “I’m afraid I don’t have a fix for you just yet, but I hope with a little more work I can concoct something to control the problem.”

Jaq nodded, that ever-present smile just hitching upwards again as they sipped at their tea. “Are we actually here to talk about that or . . ?”

He noted their gaze had fallen to his mouth, yet Phineas hesitated, suddenly uncertain of the correct etiquette. Then Jaq leant in closer and he was seeking out their lips with his own before his brain had fully registered what he was doing.

Jaq responded with an enthusiasm that was immediately reassuring, an arm tugging him closer until they were sharing an awkward embrace whilst still seated beside one another. To be able to hold them like this, to touch them and have their arms around him and to bury his face in their neck with a sigh, it was such a thrill he could scarcely believe it. Still, it was tempered by the awareness that Jaq was tired and couldn’t stay long.

“I’ve not stopped thinking about doing that since I left,” they murmured in his ear.

Phineas sat back and took their hand, brushing his thumb over the healing skin of their knuckles.

“You look out on your feet,” he suggested. Jaq gave an adamant shake of the head in response.

“I’m fine. Just a little drowsy.”

He’d have been more inclined to believe them if they weren’t obviously suppressing a yawn as they spoke.

“As much as I would like to sit here and talk you through the intricate details of your test results, I think it might be best if you get some rest. If this mercenary group are as dangerous as you suspect, then you’ll need your wits about you tomorrow.”

From the little Jaq had been willing to discuss at dinner, he’d learned that Sublight had experienced several tangles with the crew and had provided useful information on their headquarters planetside. Though he was intrigued to learn more, Phineas wasn’t relishing the thought of Jaq attempting to infiltrate a nest of well-armed enemies. 

“I’m not ready to go, Phin.”

Their fingers slipped through his own and Phineas squeezed them gently, the sentiment very much returned. He wet his lips and swallowed down uncertainty. He’d been medicated half out of his mind the last time he’d had the courage to ask them to stay the night. This felt very different.

“Well, my bed is actually twenty-seven percent larger than the standard issue bunk and I have some pyjamas I could lend you, if you wanted them, and -”

Jaq’s kiss was gentle, sleepy, and despite the fact he fully intended for them both to get a good night’s rest, full of promise. When they drew back, Phineas acknowledged their answering smile with one of his own and rose before he could lose his nerve. 

Once Jaq, with a mumbled thank you, had accepted a pair of pyjama trousers and the t-shirt they’d leant him weeks ago, Phineas made for the bathroom to give them some privacy and to attend to his own night-time routine. When he returned, he wasn’t all that surprised to find Jaq sprawled out across the bed and already fast asleep. Their clothes and boots were in a neat pile beside the sofa and he took a single moment to marvel at the scene before giving in to desire and slipping in beside them. 

Jaq didn’t move initially, apparently oblivious to him making himself comfortable on the narrow strip of mattress they hadn’t taken up. Then they shuffled back towards the wall, an arm reaching out to wrap around his waist and draw him close against them. Phineas was struck by the odd realisation that, rather than the expected jolt of his heart in his throat at Jaq’s movements, when they snuggled into him, sighing heavily enough to ruffle the hair at the nape of his neck, a sudden wave of contentment enveloped him.

He lay there in the dark, the stars in the distance shining through the window and the emergency lights above the doors flickering faintly, Jaq’s breathing a quiet tempo at his back and their arm a reassuring weight about his middle. It was the strangest feeling, he thought. To be completely at ease, as if this was all familiar, and yet so very alert to every shift of Jaq behind him, every hitch in their breathing, every soft sigh they made. He vaguely recalled, in the distant past, feeling relaxed in the arms of others through the night, but this was something else entirely; a sense that he was precisely where he was meant to be.

Logically, Phineas knew the sensation was a result of those intervening years. So long spent alone was bound to lend more precedence to the moments of connection he found now. It was all simply a matter of neurotransmitters and endorphins, of synapses firing a little differently prompted by Jaq’s presence. He’d once read that love could be measured in a simple chemical formula; dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin release. Indeed, if he were to take a sample of his own blood now and put it through a similar process to Jaq’s, he would likely find his levels elevated off the chart. It could be controlled, altered, suppressed even if he so wished. Like any emotion, it was both real and yet intangible all at once. No measurements he could have taken, nor any data on a screen nor figures on a chemical analysis could have come close to articulating quite how this felt. And he didn’t need to see results written down on paper to know he was deeply in love with the person wrapped around him.

Jaq shuffled behind him until their nose nudged his neck and Phineas closed his eyes. There was both everything and nothing to analyse, he considered as sleep began to creep over him. There was a certainty to this that left him at peace in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long, long time.

  
  


Jaq was awoken by the warm glow of a simulated sunrise. They yawned and stretched beneath the blankets, suddenly conscious of tousled grey hair obscuring their vision. At some point in the night Phineas had rolled over in their arms and now they found themselves staring into his sleep-heavy eyes.

“G’morning,” they mumbled. “What time is it?”

“Half-past five, Terra two time.”

Then they had a little over an hour before they needed to leave.

In this fog of semi-consciousness, Jaq was vaguely aware of Phineas’ fingers drifting across their back. There was a faint look of wonder in his eyes as if he couldn’t quite believe this was real. Jaq understood.

They settled a hand against his cheek, mirroring his own slight movements. He must not have shaved for several days as his stubble had passed the point of rasping against their fingertips and instead become soft prickles. There was the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of Phineas’ lips and all of a sudden it seemed intensely important that they meet those lips with their own.

It started slowly. A gentle kiss, soft sighs, a brush of knees beneath the sheets. Jaq traced the lines of his face, content to savour the moment until it just wasn’t enough and they realised they needed to be closer, needed more, needed him in a way they were certain they had never needed anyone before. They slid desperate fingers into his hair, tangling in the wild curls, and Phineas responded in kind, his kiss as hungry as their own, his hands now clutching at their back. He was so eager, Jaq didn’t quite know what to make of it. Their name slipped from his lips in a whisper and their breath caught in their throat at the sound.

Somehow, in amongst the frantic kisses, Jaq found themselves atop him, their weight balanced on their elbows. His hands drifted lower, caught the edge of their shirt and suddenly, as his fingers met the soft skin of their stomach, they tensed. Phineas froze beneath them.

“Jaq?”

He’d pulled away from their lips and was staring up at them, eyes widening as he searched their own.

“Did I do something wrong?” There was a panicked note to his voice and Jaq rushed to correct it with a shake of the head.

Phineas still seemed uncertain and he drew his hands away from them, a frown tugging at heavy brows.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a very long time since I . . .” 

He halted, a faint blush rising up his neck until the tips of his ears had gone red. Jaq mentally kicked themselves. The last thing they’d wanted was for their worries to leave him feeling uncomfortable.

“It’s not your fault,” they assured him. He nodded but still hesitated to touch them again and shame began to claw its way up their throat. They should have said something sooner, should have explained. 

They sat up on their knees, Phineas beneath them. Jaq took a slow breath and recalled their discussion with Parvati as they’d worked away in the heat and grease of the Unreliable’s engine room.  _ “You’ve got to face things head on, Cap. Just like you told me.” _

They reached for the bottom of their shirt, clumsy fingers fumbling at the hem. Phineas was watching them with some unspoken concern, his hands splayed on the bed sheet beside their knees, fidgeting at it. Jaq swallowed, drew their shirt off over their head, and waited for his response.

Phineas’ gaze wandered over them, the light of curiosity in his eyes. Their pulse raced, fluttering away in their neck and creating a sudden tightening in their chest when he focused upon it, grey eyes tracing the two pale scars and the slightest frown pulling at his features. 

“What’s this?” he asked, sitting up, his hand raised as if to reach out and touch them but halting at the last moment, his eyes meeting their own in silent question. The ringing in their ears was distant, faint, but there, waiting to overwhelm them. Jaq fought down the rising tide and nodded. Phineas slid out from beneath them, coming up to his knees. They waited for his fingers to follow the line of the faded crescents but instead they met Jaq’s pec.

“Blood type,” he muttered and when Jaq looked down, it was the black lines etched into their skin that he was staring at. “The numbers? What do they mean?”

“Military number,” they managed around a tongue thick with worry.

Phineas gave a quiet humph at that, a look of consternation crossing his face. “Ridiculous, the way they brand you like cattle.”

He continued to trace the tattoo with his index finger and glanced up at them. “Were you worried what I might think of this?”

Jaq blinked, their mouth falling open as he smiled gently and they realised he didn’t understand what they were trying to tell him.

“Because it doesn’t bother me in . . . Jaq?”

They shuffled out of the pyjamas trousers he’d lent them, almost losing their balance as they tossed them aside. They didn’t dare look at him until they were knelt atop the mattress in just their boxers, heart pounding, nerves singing. They saw his eyes slowly move down their body until he halted.

“Oh.”

It was a soft sound carrying nothing but mild surprise but it struck Jaq in the gut, taking the air out of them. The ringing grew and they shut their eyes.

“Are you . . . disappointed?”

Phineas’ reaction was immediate. “No!” he blurted, his hands suddenly on their face. When they opened their eyes, Jaq found he was only a few inches from them, a look of shock written across his features. “No, of course I’m not.” He stroked gently at their cheeks, the ringing subsided a little. “Why ever would you think that?”

“Because I’m not built like Anton.”

Every word was an effort. Jaq dredged them up from the darkest corners of their mind, forcing them out.

“And I’m not like Gladys either.”

It was a poor explanation, they knew, but they couldn’t find the words. They’d been buried in their chest for so long that Jaq couldn’t fully explain, couldn’t give voice to the worst of their fears. And then suddenly they didn’t need to because Phineas’ lips were on theirs and he was kissing them so softly their heart ached.

“Of course you’re not,” he said, drawing back a little to give them an incredulous look. “You’re Jaq. And you’re perfect.”

The best Jaq had hoped for was some dull sense of relief at finally getting this out in the open. They hadn’t expected a dizzying flood of emotion, as if a dam had burst somewhere inside them and they were suddenly free to feel everything they had been too scared to fully acknowledge. 

Phineas was still staring at them, his expression torn somewhere between anxious and faintly confused. “Jaq, you trusted me, fought for me. Law, you stormed an impenetrable fortress to rescue me. I love you. Nothing could possibly change - mmph . . .”

They hadn’t intended to kiss him so hard that he toppled back against the bed, but somehow they both ended in a heap of limbs atop the sheets, tangled together. Jaq moved just enough to take their weight off him, tugging him onto his side with them so that they could press as tight to his chest as possible. Phineas’ hands returned to stroking slow circles against their back and Jaq was almost giddy as the tension drained from them. It took a moment before they realised they were laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, nuzzling at their cheek and uttering a soft sigh when they slipped their hands beneath his shirt.

“Nothing . . . Everything.” They kissed him again by way of explanation. There was nothing adequate they could think of to articulate quite how this felt. 

Well, almost nothing. 

“I love you too, you know?”

Phineas’ answering smile could have rivaled a Halcyon sunrise. “Well, that settles it then.”

They lay silent for a time, the lights growing gradually brighter and the sounds of the Hope scientists awakening around them beginning to filter through the walls. Though the earlier desperation had receded, the glow in Jaq’s chest never faltered and even when it came time for them to rise, it held firm.

“Do you have time to join me for breakfast?” Phineas asked as they reluctantly made their way out of bed. He handed them their clothes. “You ought to eat a proper meal before you go.”

“Isn’t that usually my line?” 

They hopped about on one leg attempting to pull their boots on until he stood at their side and offered his shoulder to lean on. 

Phineas gave them an indulgent look. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

They had no idea how long it might be before they could return to the Hope or what the mercenary base might hold in store for them, but as they settled in beside Phineas in the canteen, his hand wrapped around theirs beneath the table, Jaq finally had the sense that things might be heading in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, huge thank you to Bonymaloney for advice on this chapter and for helping me get it in a fit state to be posted.
> 
> If you've enjoyed this one - or equally if you have any (constructively) critical feedback - then let me know. I have lots of fun planned for Jaq and Phin in the next chapter, there will be no angst allowed! (ok . . . maybe a teeny tiny bit of angst)


End file.
